Step 2... working on it...

[Debaucher]

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

-- Note "Power" is capitolized? --

Ok this make sense... I couldn't return myself to sanity... I ranted yesterday about why I was/am insane... ok today I am going to try to reconcile my belief in a higher Power...

OK... my thoughts bleed over into step 3... but for me to truly get step 2 I think I have to get these thoughts out...

I have had this hangup for years... that people say "God did this" or "God did that" and here this BS language is in the 12 steps... If God can remove my character defects then why did he wait until I just about destroyed my life to do so... Some might say that I just didn't ask... you know... ask and you shall recieve...

again my mind is telling me B.S. I finally believe I reconciled this disequalibrium last night talking with my wife... God does/doesn't remove our character defects... God does/doesn't restore us to sanity. It is the belief in God... putting God in your heart... if you don't believe in some spiritual all knowing being... then the concept of a perfect person... a complete servant to others... a 100% selfless person can be God... if you completely align your will with his your defects will be removed... if you simply believe then sanity returns...

I came up with the following analogy... (a bit leaky pun intended... but it helps me think of what I am trying to pound into my brain)...

Water does not remove urea from your body... Urinating does... Yes water carries the urea out of you body... but it only does so if you take it in and fully ingest it... then the water can be flushed from your system taking the urea with it...

Ok so God... you take him in... fully... and because you do your mindset changes... and you think not of yourself but others... and WHAMO... you start doing good things... and your mind begins to change... as you do more good things (like practicing this mindset)... you begin to think that way naturally instead of with concious effort and the requirement of a strong dose of God and spirituality...

OK... now say you do believe in the classical "GOD" that powerful benevolent spirit... who can magically or mystically do things... throw that on top of what I said before and it is all the more powerful.

Do I believe in what I called the classical God... I want to... but I don't have faith... I have doubt...

So I know what the power greater than myself is... it is the power of believing in that perfect person... that striving to do good and to better myself... that metacognition and praying daily to the God I want to have faith in will work... and finally that when 2 or more gather in his name he is there... and WOW when you go to an AA meeting you realize that being apart of that group... that the group is a power greater than myself...

Some might say G.O.D. is a group of drunks... well I don't want to use that crutch... but I will say this... "a power greater than ourselves"... doesn't say there is one and only one power greater than ourselves... but is strongly implies it...

Ok so I know alone... left to my own thinking... I will allow myself to think selfishly and debauchery will return... like the progressive illness Alcoholism is ... so is my thinking... if I allow those evil thoughts to be acceptable in thought... it won't be long before they show up in my deeds... and the evil thoughts become my dominant form of thinking... and insanity will be present... I alone cannot prevent this destructive pattern... But with my higher Power(s) I can and have begun restoring my sanity.

It will not be long before I am willing to turn my will and life over... (step 3)...

I shed one more obstacle between me and God... I recognize that his power does not always have to come in the form of amazing flash miracles... His power is in me if I choose to bring him in... the power of trying to do God's will is very powerful and will change me... bring me to sanity... and if I believe strong enough.. maybe just maybe he will restore my sanity in a miraculas way...

(ok time to tell my sponsor that I believe step 2 is done... )

[CarolD]

Thanks for sharing part your journey with us!