Be Careful What You Wish For (Getting A Life)

[D-Licious]

Hi,

I posted some time ago about my troubles with money and getting back into college, namely that my disability money had been seized by a creditor, and that I was having a hard time getting back into college, due to the fact that I got kicked off campus while I was on a binge, and that I had to go to a psychologist to get a letter saying that I was okay to attend school.

Well, I'm back in school, I got my money back, and in one month, I'll have a year sober. I am very happy to be back in school, as, after this semester, and one more in the fall, I will have graduated, and then I am going to apply to graduate school.

I am finding it much harder to live one day at a time, now that my life is moving forward. I also find myself much more tired, and it is much harder to get to meetings. If I can get to a meeting, I am often so tired that I have a great deal of difficulty, and other people sometimes jokingly make fun of me ("keeping you awake?"), which bothers me a little, I have to admit, as I don't fall asleep, and I work, very, very hard, often walking to meetings, as I don't have a car, and have to walk to catch trains to most meetings. (I have to work hard if I want to better my life).

Honestly, I would like to go to three meetings a day, but then I couldn't move forward with my life, as going to a meeting without a ride takes 3 hours out of my day, just walking to the station, going to the meeting, and walking back.

I am self-employed, and work 4 hours a day, in addition to going to school. If I do not work, and go to school, I will not be able to move ahead with my life.

I also tend to push myself very hard, and be very ambitious, I have noticed, in trying to achieve my goals, compulsive, even.

This is life on life's terms, but I am just not used to it yet, and would like advice from some people with experience, what they did when their lives started to get more complex in sobriety.

Thanks for reading my post,
D

[GlassPrisoner]

I hear you. Once I started making it a daily routine of praying to God to put things in front of me (as I have a hard time deciding what to do first), He went a little overboard. Some days don't end for me until 2:00 AM. I think He has a twisted sense of humor

But, He doesn't give me anything I can't handle. And, it's all good. There's nothing I'm doing that I'm ashamed of. I'm helping others, I'm supporting my children, I'm working my program, and I'm moving ahead in life with His guidance. And, once I do get to sleep, I sleep really well.

So much better than the old drink/pass-out/come-to/drink again routine/cycle.

[CarolD]

Are there no meetings closer to you?
If not, have you done on line meetings?

Just a thought....Hugs

[Tazman53]

If you have a sponsor he may be able to help get you rides to and from meetings, I am sure there are folks that will be willing to give you a ride to and from a meeting, heck I am giving a guy a ride tonight, but then again he is painting my house, but painting is slow right now and it works out good for both of us.

[Rowan]

Hi D,

Easy does it, my friend. You've worked hard to get to where you are today i.e. back in school, sober, etc.
How many meetings are you making a week? Someone else suggested online meetings, and that may be a good supplement to your recovery right now. I would still go to face to face meetings, at least 1 to 2 times a week to stay connected.
I understand the feelings of being overwhelmed by everything that you need to do. For me, I try to prioritize the top two or three things that are absolutely essential to my life and meetings i.e. getting to my job, minimum 3 meetings a week and work everything else around that. Is there nothing you can cut out of your life to make things more manageable? Maybe even cutting out a couple of hours from work? Is that possible? Try not to burn yourself out, if that's possible.
When I feel overwhelmed with responsibilities, which, for me, sometimes involve keeping a clean house for my family, I have to give up the idea of a perfect home and make do with a less tidy environment. It means more time for me taking care of myself whether I want to lie down with a book, walk the dog, etc.
You had mentioned your ambition, and your compulsiveness, so you seem to recognize that there may be things you can and/or need to let go of.
Maybe you won't succeed as quickly if you slow down/lighten your workload, but at least, in my opinion, your chances of succeeding will increase. Hope this makes sense.

Rowan

[mikel60]

Hey D-Licious!
Welcome to the real world! Just kidding. I can relate. I've been sober awhile (11 years) and currently my life is extremely busy and complicated. I work a full time job (teaching)up to to nine hours a day, have two small children at home (Sheila - 2 1/2 and Liam almost 4 months), am working on my doctorate, must hit the gym to control my asthma and diabetes, and must hit meetings to control my alcoholism.
I've found that online stuff can help, but is really not as good as F2F. I've found a great 6 am meeting that I can hit 3-4 times a week and that helps. I have also devised a schedule that structures every bit of my time throughout the week. It feels weird scheduling time for my kids, but it gives me a direction and some feeling of manageability. It also helps to know that ultimately God is in charge. if I don't meet my schedule - big deal. At least I'm trying. And my life is moving forward... a doctorate? Are you kidding me? Never in my wildest dreams... Sober is better... God is good!!
Mike in Boston

[mikel60]

Oh - one more thing - Rowan is right... schedule some down time for yourself - as much as you can - but some.
Mike