Needed to share and priase the program

[Wisconsin_Al]

I apologize if this is a long story. Ever have the need to write out your feelings, well this is one of those for me and it’s time to praise the program.

I’ve been struggling recently, not with drinking, but with the many reasons I would pick up a drink. I guess these can be called character defects, or maybe an emotional disorder spoken of in “How it works”? Or something else? Regardless the point being, I have not picked up, not used. In fact just the opposite has happened and it’s peculiar. It’s a gift.

My first sponsor told me, when you get into recovery, the good news is you get in touch with your feelings again. The bad news is you get in touch with your feelings again. And how right he was.

When I was actively drinking I suffered anxiety and panic attacks, along with depression, OCD and numerous other addictive behaviors. Nothing new here that many of us have not experienced ourselves or heard of. But these were sufficient for a drunk to kill the pain leading to more pain and more drunks. Well recently the panic attacks have come back and have come back strong. The heart racing where you swear you can feel and hear your heart. The fear, the panic, the paranoia, the inability to release the obsession. I knew only two things could help; kill the pain with booze or avoid the pain by dieing. I knew I did not want to drink and I knew I did not want to die. But I also knew I could not live like this, NOT AGAIN.

Oh yes so I prayed, I went to meetings, called my sponsor, talked about it and then did these over and over. And something came to me. What my sponsor said. The bad news is you get in touch with your feelings again. And these were the feelings I drank over, however it was different, I was feeling these sober and somehow that was different.

Somehow being sober and experiencing these pains made me realized that being sober is giving me the opportunity to help myself. I could drink to mask these symptoms or I could do something else. For me that something else is getting back into therapy, for me there is nothing wrong with getting help in and outside of AA. But it is the program, my recovery that has given me this gift, the chance to help myself.

One thing both my therapist and sponsor said to me is. When you stopped drinking that was huge. Other issues that you were having, while important to address, were minimized in your mind by the amazing weight lifted from you when the obsession to drink was gone. However, now after a few years of sobriety you are discovering these have always been there, your whole life, you are just now feeling them again. But this time you are not self medicating them.

So something has triggered the panic attacks again. The OCD is a little worse and so is the depression. But I am and can get help. I can recover and I can stay sober at the same time.

This is a wonderful gift of sobriety and the program and I felt the need to share.

I hope thise made sense

Thanks

[CarolD]

Hi again Al...

While I have not had your experiences
I can so relate to the fact that
recovery is an on going journey.

For me...that keeps me moving forward
and not stuck with whatever the situation.

Glad to see you! Blessings

[Rather b railin]

I love long stories. Thank you.

[Sheryl85]

My dear, you have made my evening. Thank you.

[paulmh]

Thanks Al - today I'm going to keep reminding myself that gratitude is the attitude!

[laurie6781]

Al you have a beautiful gift in being able to use words to express your thoughts so well!!!

made me realized that being sober is giving me the opportunity to help myself.

Oh so TRUE, SO VERY TRUE.

I too, today, have a good "handle" on the things I used to self medicate over. lol It was only by getting into recovery that I was able to find solutions to my 'deeper issues' that alcohol was but a 'symptom' of.

Thank you for your post and starting this EXCELLENT thread!

Love and hugs,

[Tazman53]

Thank you VERY much Al for sharing, do not hesitate to do so again.

[ay100]

Thank you for sharing this with us. This is so similar with my story. As a long time sufferer of Panic Attacks and OCD I can totally relate to you. Having gone sober very recently I am having some panic attacks and generalised anxiety too. But I am trying to cope with it without the thought of drinking. All I am doing is keeping busy and praying for my HP.