Unmanagable?

[justanothrdrunk]

Background:
I've been in and out of the program for 6 years. Had a couple 18 month stretches of sobriety in there. Been in rehab (residential) twice, detox 3 times.

During my latest relapse (big time relapse, drinking every day for several months), I knew I was powerless over alcohol, but I didn't care.

I'm a self-described "high bottom." Never had any trouble with the law. I've had a steady, white collar job (career) this whole time. Always in good standing at work. My wife is still with me, etc.

My sponsor thinks I need to look at the unmanagability of step 1. I guess I'm not really seeing how my life has become unmanagable.

So, my question for all of you folks:
Anyone else out there have trouble seeing how their life had become unmanagable? I figured it would be more obvious, but I have to admit I'm having trouble seeing it.

Let me know how you came to believe your life had become unmanagable.

[Sheryl85]

Why did you go to rehab? Did you alone choose to go or were there extenuating circumstances (request of loved ones, request of boss, etc.) that brought you there?

[eire rose]

Hi there,

I ask myself the question

"why did I quit drinking?'

The answer for unmanageability lies in there.

I did not lose my job, apartment, family etc.... I do not consider myself a high-bottom drunk, my bottom was am emotional one that nearly cost mre my life.

love, rose

[paulmh]

Hi just another

I remember listening to another alcoholic talking about how bad his "bottom" had been. Inside me there was this voice screaming "You hope it was your bottom!". I knew that was as true of me as it was of him. It's one of the few concepts in AA I'm a bit wary of. There's always lower I can go. All I need to do is pick up a drink, and I'll soon find another bottom. Maybe this time I'll kill a family member driving drunk, or maybe I'll get away with just being divorced and losing my family. Maybe I'll drink my business away, only this time I'll carry on into so much debt that I'll never be solvent again. So I might have gone into recovery, and I might be sober today, but I'll only know that I hit "bottom" when I'm on my deathbed.

[CarolD]

I could no longer manage my depression.

Those dark dismal days erroded my spirit.

At 2/3 months sober..my situation depression left.
It's not returned and no med's were needed.
That was over 17 years ago!

[Signal30]

justanothrdrunk,

I have never been arrested, (should of been for DUI many times). I never lost any friends, house, car, etc...

What I did lose...

My self esteem
My tolerance
My goals
My affection for those I love.
My sanity
And much more.

Our Alcoholic minds strive to make us doubt the first step. I just remember the day I surrendered myself to alcohol, and thank God to what I have gained through AA.

Always remeber when listening to fellow alcoholics, to not compare differences, but look for simularities.

[CarolD]

I never use the terms

Low bottom drunks
or
High bottom drunks

Unchecked alcoholism kills
without exceptions.

On a side note...
a special recovery memory of mine

2 lawyers in my first home group were
earnestly discussing how to do Step 4

The newer member was all Brooks Bros.
kept a limo waiting... was a
White House Aide to the President.

The other was ragged and often homeless
booze had gotten him dis barred.

There they were..side by side
brothers in suffering and recovery.

[chip]

Welcome Just another

Some could consider me to be a "high bottom" alcoholic. My bottom was low enough for me to quit. Thankfully, many things havn't happened to me "yet".... by the grace of God. If I kept drinking, I'm sure things would get worse.

They say alcohol is a great remover: It removes families, cars, homes, jobs etc....

I remember how hard I tried to manage my drinking, only to fail. Drinking was dictating every aspect of my life. I was a slave to my beer fridge, and the beer was determining the direction of my life. My drinking became uncontrolable and unmanagable. It was leading me down hill. The harder I tried to control my drinking, the more other things in my life suffered. I tried so hard to manage my drinking so I could remain "functional". Dysfunction was creeping in all around me. In the end, I lived to drink, but I hated myself for it. This was unmangable. I was compulsivly feeding a habit that was slowly destroying my life. I started to notice problems at work and at home that I couldn't fix. This was unmanagable. Everything wrong with my life pointed to my drinking as the cause, and I started to see it. I could see it clearly, but couldn't quit. This was unmanagable.

Things started changing when I asked God (my HP) to help me. God sorted all this stuff out for me. I grew back into a relationship with God through AA.

It was only when I stoped trying to manage my drinking...and all my other problems for that matter...that I started to get well. Today, I give all my problems to my HP. My HP can be the manager. My HP can worry about all the big things. My job is to focus on today, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Day by day, I'm getting better. I'm getting better because my life is now in the hands of my HP. I am no longer in charge.
chip

[Gmoney]

I recall going to my first AA meeting in 1986. I had just been released from rehab (the 1st one) and really saw no need to go, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I walked in and sat in the back row and it wasn't long before I concluded that I was nothing like the people there. All I could hear was belly-aching and whining. I thought to myself, "These old farts are pitiful!! I've never done anything like that!!"

Now I'm an old fart who's "not yets" list is considerably smaller than it was 21 years ago. You see, as a newcomer, I couldn't help but to compare because something inside of me wanted so bad to be "normal." I now realize that I never really wanted to identify or relate because I really wanted to disqualify myself from being an alcoholic/addict. I mean, how can I be unmanageable when I have so many positive things going for me?

Needless to say, my bottom began in 1994 and ended in 1998 after numerous failed attempts to get clean and stay clean. It was only after I surrendered and acquired a sponsor that I was taught to stop looking at the things I didn't do and begin to focus on the things that I did do. I was also taught to stop looking at how easily I could stop using and focus on why I used. Through the principle of open-mindedness I learned that there were very few things in my entire life that I actually controlled (hence unmanageability). My inability to control my using was merely a symptom of my disease, and if I couldn't control my using, how can I honestly claim to control my life? For me the 1st step is a tool for ego-deflation and getting me in touch with my humaness. I am not all-powerful and the truth is I have LESS power than I imagined. Accepting this fact opens the door to my understanding of my imperfection and unmanageability. Even now, with over 8 years clean, I am still unmanageable. Although my life is better than it ever was, I'm still prone to make mistakes, poor judgments and bad decisions. There is only ONE who has all power and is totally manageable...and it's not me.

[mikel60]

"Been in rehab (residential) twice, detox 3 times."
Hmmm... I think I found some unmanageability for you.
Seriously... I consider myself "low bottom" but never went to rehab or detox. Thanks to alcohol I had no life to manage. So, I guess I had trouble finding unmanageability, too... Get honest with yourself. Five spin dries indicates there was quite a bit of unmanageability in your life. Sorry to sound harsh, but it is your life that you are playing with.
Mike in Boston

[Music]

Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk

I've been in and out of the program for 6 years. Had a couple 18 month stretches of sobriety in there. Been in rehab (residential) twice, detox 3 times.

I've never met a "normal drinker" who has trouble staying sober, and has been to rehab and/or detox.

Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk

I'm a self-described "high bottom." Never had any trouble with the law. I've had a steady, white collar job (career) this whole time. Always in good standing at work. My wife is still with me, etc.

You're describing me to a T! I was only looking at my "material" life and thinking, things just ain't that bad. What I was feeling inside was a whole other story. I was brought up to be responsible, and to care about what was right and wrong. The day I came to AA, I was alone at home, in the morning, drinking my first or second...who knows, and was allowed to see what I really was. I compared myself to my dad who I thought was one of the most gentle men I'd ever met, and had fallen so short of the example he set for me as a husband, father, and just all around good guy. I knew I had to do something. It's not what I drink, where I drink, how much I drink, who I drink with, or even why I drink that's important. The important thing is what happens to me when I drink. There's something inside me that goes crazy when I take that "first" drink. I feel relief and a sense of well-being and I don't stop with one or two. I had to take a look at my inside, instead of focusing on my outside.

Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk

My sponsor thinks I need to look at the unmanagability of step 1. I guess I'm not really seeing how my life has become unmanagable.

Do what your sponsor suggests, and be honest about what you see. If you're unsatisfied with any part of your life, and alcohol is anywhere in the picture, I suggest to you that there's something unmanagable there. You may not see it right away, but that's what the steps are all about.

[Sheryl85]

I read what others have posted and there's a bunch of good stuff here. However, one of the reasons I posed my questions regarding rehab was that I hoped you might start seeing that along with being powerless your life IS unmanagable by YOU.

I don't think that I would consider trotting off to treatment 3 times as good management of my time, my finances, and my resources. I'm putting a lot of things on the line there. A good "business" manager wouldn't do that. With management by me, my life was crap. I wasn't happy. I was restless, irritable, and discontent. I wasn't healthy. My blood sugar level was all over the place. I couldn't stop getting drunk when I drank (in my case, I couldn't manage to drink like a lady anymore) and was having blackouts. I was certainly powerless over the alcohol, but more than that, I didn't plan to have my life go like this. I wasn't managing my life well at all. It was out of my control. And even though I hadn't lost my job, I hadn't lost my family, I hadn't had anything reposessed, I'd never gotten into a bad scrape with the law... those things had only Y.E.T. to happen. Sure, some called me a high bottom drunk, but like Carnie Mary down in Houston said to my sponsor, "When folks are bent over puking in them puke buckets, all them bottoms look the same." (When you reach your bottom, stop digging.)

Perhaps your life is unmanagable by you when you have to start asking questions like you are doing right now. Think about it. Did you plan to go through life like this? Did you plan to go to rehab all those time? I bet there are other areas you could pose that question for. Perhaps it's time you look at the job that's been done in the past and maybe consider firing that manager of your life you have right now and get a new one... This last one doesn't seem to manage things worth a hoot (or it seems pretty unmanagable to me.)

Just a though.

[fraankie]

lot of good rsvp's
but


"I'm a self-described "high bottom." Never had any trouble with the law. I've had a steady, white collar job (career) this whole time. Always in good standing at work. My wife is still with me, etc....................."

no trouble with the law
i would call it luck
just because you haven't been stopped for a dwi
doesn't mean you are doing it legally
dwi is a crime


white collar job
the whole time?
2 rehabs, 3 detoxes
did you suit up in your white collar there, too
for sure, you got a rep at work
as in.."tommy is out sick again for 28 days"
"oh, he must have the flu, heh, heh"
and
you got a white collar with a glass ceiling
as in ..."i don't think tommy is right for this promotion" says the boss

oh, and the loyal, loving wife sticks by her man
as in
when you get home from work
"honey, dinner on the stove, i got to go see a friend in the hospital"
or
"honey, i hope you didn't forget to bring home the booze, i really enjoy being ignored all night while you drink yourself to death"
or
is she stitting in the other room watching tv and cursing you under her breath

oh, your life isn't unmanageable
all those calls to your family or holiday family dinners that you didn't make because you are drunk are boring anyway
and
i'll keep drinking because i don't want those pesky neighbors
coming over asking to borrow the lawnmower
and
"daddy can't help me with my homework cause he's drunk all the time" gives you another star as a good father

i know it's a lot of lol
but
is it the truth?




best
fraankie

[GlassPrisoner]

Ouch ! Frankie, I resembled those remarks

Justanotherdrunk, remember the "yets". I too once thought that, and was once were you are.

Everyone talks about that invisible line we cross. I didn't realize I had crossed it until it was a long ways behind me.

[Gmoney]

I once heard an oldtimer say, "At every bottom is a trap door!"

[Sheryl85]

Y.E.T. = You're Eligible Too.

[collinsmi]

Wow Fraankie, you got it pegged!

Even though it's in the chapter "we agnostics" a good gauge for me is on page 52 and it's what I used for step 1 (part 2). In the middle of that page there's 8 statements starting with "We were having trouble with personal relationships" and ending with "we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people". I took each one, replaced "we were" with "how was I" and did some writing. THat's what worked for me.

There is also a good reading starting on page 60, starting with "The first requirement is" and going to page 62 "placed us in a position to be hurt".

[GlassPrisoner]

collinsmi, I highlighted those in early recovery. I definitely identified.

Those "bedevilements" have a contrary statement starting on page 83. "If we are painstaking......" (The Promises)

[collinsmi]

Very true GlassPrisoner. Promises and conditions. THe BB is full of them. If I want the promises I got to fulfill the conditions ("If I want what they got I have to do what they did"). Got a link from 52 to the next page also "continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty......etc". THis is never over for me, or at least not till they put me in a box.

[northbelle]

The insanity . Yup that is what let s me know how powerless I am and how unmanageable my life is. Today in the meeting someone read from the doctors opinion ..about the alcoholic MIND..I thought "Yeah I have one of those!!"
Drinking is just a symtom of my disease..please believe that. I am going through a really rough time right now. But I keep going to my meeting and today I volunteered to be the secretary..actually I was more TOLD I was going to be the secretary. I am glad for the chance though. It will keep my alcoholic mind busy right now while I get through this really insane time in my life..
Thanx for letting me butt in here. I do alot of reading but my brain is too scattered to post much these days..
love northbelle

[Aciana]

Unmanagability?

I accepted that alcohol and I did not make the best choices together, one of us had to go.
My mantra became; Alcohol is not a beverage, it is a toxin.
It does what toxins do, it poisons you.
Nobody can make good decisions or manage their lives with a poisoned brain.

[CarolD]

Hello Aciana
Welcome to SR!

[jimhere]

Bottom is not necessarily a place or a situation. It is a state of mind and a state of being. I've talked to people who have experienced it on a park bench and I've known some who experienced it in a penthouse suite.

Alcohol has nothing to do with my life being unmanageable. The root of my problem was in full bloom years before my first drink and didn't go away with the last drink.

An unmanageable life isn't about money, cars, careers, houses, etc. It 's about how I use the external to satisfy the internal. Trying to wrest satisfaction and happiness from the world if only I can manage well. In other words if I have all the money I want then I'll be happy. That is a lie, because there will never be enough money, love, etc. to satisfy that need that can only be filled from within.

The idea that not drinking solves the problem kills alcoholics in AA. For an alcoholic, not drinking is the problem. Maybe the 1st Step should say "My life is unmanageable and that is what gets me back to active alcoholism, left untreated."
Jim

[GlassPrisoner]

Good point Jim, never looked at it that way.

Unmanagable doesn't mean loss of job, house, etc. It means that we can't manage everything around us to our satisfaction.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner

Good point Jim, never looked at it that way.

Unmanagable doesn't mean loss of job, house, etc. It means that we can't manage everything around us to our satisfaction.

Exactly!