Unmanagable?

[chip]

I like the way Fraankie put it.

When I hit my bottom, I still had most things in my life. I had a nice house, 2vehicles, a good job, my wife and family etc....BUT

My boss was warning me about my drinking on the job. I was in trouble with the local police about some of my behaviour at work (drinking was involved)

My wife lived in fear of me. I was hurting her with my words and my drunken misconduct in our bedroom.

My drinking was a priority over spending time with my children.

My neighbours were noticing problems in our household. On one occasion, they had to intervene with an argument my wife and I were having.

I was unable to shovel our snow on time, take out the garbage on time, mow the lawn on time etc.....

I was drinking and driving every single day.

I was having problems sleeping. I was vomiting on a regular basis. I was blackout drinking at least once a week.

My overall health was poor as a result of my lifestyle.

I had to hide in the garage when the cleaning lady cleaned our home.

I was afraid, at times, to answer the door or answer the phone.

I had a chronic cough. I had chest pains. My jaw would feel tense if I didn't drink.

I could not comfortably go more than 2 hours without a drink.

At times, I'd vomit when I took my first drink. Then, I would take a second drink and start to feel better.

Most of the times, if I put off my first drink too long, I'd get "the shakes".

On family trips, I would bring my cooler full of beer. I would drink beer at rest stops off the highway. I would chug a 'quick one' before arriving for a visit with our realitives.

On many occasions, I had to sneak drinks.

At least once every 2 weeks, I'd stay up all night drinking. I would pass out in weird places.

Sometimes I would wake up with blood on my face and clothes.

I have several scars on my face from drunken mis-adventure.

I could go on and on............

Here's the big one: in spite of all the negative consequences, I still drank and drank and drank.... I was in deep denial about my drinking problem. This was a part of the unmanagability for me. The addiction had such a profound grip on me, I was a zombie in it's control.

It was like I was beating myself over the head with a baseball bat to treat a headache. Each time I picked up the baseball bat, I'd tell myself things would be different. I kept seeking a time when beating my head with a baseball bat "worked". I was constantly beating my melon into a bloody pulp, and thinking one day I'd get it right. I was insane.

Although I still had everything, it was certainly unmanagable. Y.E.T certainly applied to me. Alhough I still had everything, the unmanagability wasn't going to allow me to keep it much longer.
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[bats_haven]

Wow
Thanks to all the comments, I know by reading all your examples, that I definetly have to go to a meeting tomorrow.

[justanothrdrunk]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I especially connected with the response regarding the material aspects of my life. I'm a material guy, measuring my worth by my success at work and with material wealth.

I have not been looking deeper into what makes me me. Good stuff.

[fraankie]

true
how good is material wealth and
success
if
you are passed out on the couch every night
can't look at yourself in the mirror
neighbors avoid you
family, too
not to mention the hangovers, double vision,
vomiting, forgetfulness, insomnia - Physical problems from drinking

but
you have today
go to AA


best
fraankie

[chip]

I used to take things for granted. Now in sobriety, I enjoy the pleasures of my life. I'm thankful for everything I have, and I treat it with respect now.

There may come a day when I lose my house, job or family. By the grace of God, if that happens, I'll be sober.

I used to wish some magical fairy godmother would whisk away all my problems, and give me every thing I desire. I used to think that I'd just kill myself if I couldn't have everything my way. I used to feel like a victim when things went wrong for me. My drinking became a slow suicide, and I hated myself for the things I was doing.

Today I can look at my life with acceptance. I can accept the things I've done, and how my decisions have shaped my life. I work on the things I can work on, and I try not to worry about the stuff that is out of my control.

Today, I am so full of gratitude for my life and the people around me. I feel as though I've had an awakening. Sobriety is such a gift and a blessing. Without sobriety, I couldn't really enjoy life. Somewhere, somehow along the way I crossed the line. After crossing the line, it became impossible for me to drink and live a good life.

I don't understand why I'm an alcoholic. I'm thankful that I can accept that fact and do the right things now. I can do the right things and have a chance at happiness.

Being aware of the unmanagablilty in my life really was an important step for me. Admitting that I am an alcholic opened a door for me. That door was AA and it's principles. In the fellowship of AA, I can live a meaningful and happy life. I wouldn't be capable of this without something. This could very well be a root cause of my life's unmanagability...the fact that I always need something.

Today, I give my life to God. I'll let God be the manager, and I'll let God take care of the stuff that I can't control. This includes my drinking problem. Guess what? God is doing what I could not do for myself. I am sober today by the grace of God.
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[Tazman53]

You know I read all of this thread and related to most of it, with me, the way I was, the one thing I have always wanted was respect! Respect from my kids, my wife, my co-workers, etc. Well I could not manage to get that because I could not manage myself.

I could not manage to control my temper (Thank God I wasn't violent to people or pets), I reached the point where I could not manage my finances, my wife took them over and all I ever did was bitch at her asking where all the money went (In my gut).

Heck I could not even manage to like myself or respect myself!

Thank God for AA and my HP that is now behind me, not totally, that is now my life long occupation to learn to manage myself whcih I am already finding has regained me the respect of my wife and kids.

[BigGirlPanties]

Hey Just-

Maybe if you ask those close to you how they see you as being ummanageable or out of control, you could get some specific insight. Like your wife, boss, kids, friends, co-workers.

Im sure that after mutli-detox's, they could certainly give you some *real* feedback. Just wear a thick skin and an open mind.

[GlassPrisoner]

Like your wife, boss, kids, friends, co-workers.

Those are the ones we try to "manage". Well, that and everything/everyone else around us.

[Music]

Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner

Those are the ones we try to "manage". Well, that and everything/everyone else around us.

They're also the ones we've probably done the most damage to and are incapable of rendering an unemotional response. I wouldn't recommend this process without a trained person in attendance.