Where's my Pink Cloud ?

[GlassPrisoner]

38 Days in now, and my "Pink Cloud" just disappeared from under me. The more the fog lifts, the more I see. And I don't like a lot of what I see.

Today I am experiencing anxiety, anger, fear and remorse/guilt.

Anxiety and fear over the unknown. I need a job, and to fix my car.
Anger at myself for getting myself into this mess.
Remorse/Guilt for all the lives I've messed up while using. Wife, Children, Friends, Co-Workers and Bosses.....

I know, I know. It's selfish, self-centered, thinking. But dammit, I can't help how I feel. (Well, I can Thank God at least I feel.)

I've said The Serenity Prayer over and over. And I've spent the day staying busy cleaning. I'll call my sponsor at lunch and do some meetings tonight. At least the anxiety isn't like it used to be. (Rapid heart beat, panic attacks, shaking, etc)

I guess that's all I can do but Hope, Wait, and Pray......

[Cynay]

Congrads on your soberity.... well done. It will get better everyday and the good news is you only have to deal with today.

When I get messed up in the head and start obsessing the best thing for me is to get busy helping someone else. Service work, working with homeless... anything really... just doing something for someone else is what does it for me. Does not even have to be someone in recovery.... I can reach out to someone at work who is having normal issues as well....

Keep praying and it will come to you.

[collinsmi]

Those negative feelings can be useful if they get you busy on step work. Once I started doing the steps with hope and expectation that the work would make it easier for me to get along in the world, I started to live easier (I'm doing it now and it's working). Sure, I still have problems but I don't have to be a slave to them.

Anxiety and fear over the unknown. I need a job, and to fix my car.
Anger at myself for getting myself into this mess.
Remorse/Guilt for all the lives I've messed up while using. Wife, Children, Friends, Co-Workers and Bosses.....

The idea for those is to turn it over to your higher power. THat does NOT mean sitting in front of an empty plate praying "God please fill this thing up with food". Do what you can today about the car and the job, pray and then let go of it. If you're like me the traditional plan of action is to obsess about these things continuously, trying to guilt myself into positive action, but not actually DO anything about them, then feel awful, coincidentally making it easier to justify taking a drink. Or make a long run on sentence! Or both.

The steps contain a positive plan of action for dealing with people we've harmed, but there's no magic button to fix it now. Steady step work will help with these. It works for me and many others.

[fraankie]

keep it simple
buy a newspaper to find a job
call a friend to try to fix the car
go to a meeting
if anything
if all you did was buy the newspaper and call a friend
that's 2 positive things you did



best
fraankie

[dgillz]

Hi,

I am from Mobile, AL but I am in Southern CA for a few weeks on business. Maybe you can PM me and we can go to a meeting together? I would be great to meet someone from this board, it has been a big help to me.

Hang in there and let me know if I can help.

[scootinbabe]

Hi GP! it sucks doesn't it? my pink cloud lasted about 2 months and then crashed. doing the work in the program gets grim too, when you start digging up your past and trying to remember things you thought you'd forgotten. it's a little daunting to realize that this whole thing isn't as easy as you thought it might be. i'd say i had about a month of very serious non-pink-cloud--not that i felt the need to drink, but i think i was treading around not realizing what an enemy this alcohol-thing was. keep working through it. it gets better. go to meetings. work your program. speak with your sponsor. i'm still pretty new (dos: 7/24/06) so i suspect that life takes you on these highs and lows...

take good care of yourself. you can do it. (but that pink cloud thing was great while it lasted, wasn't it? there are others who've encouraged me by saying it comes back. and truly, life is pretty good right now. for me the biggest challenge is keeping up the discipline of working the program daily. my sponsor says it's like exercise. gotta keep it up or you'll get out of shape and be more likely to get injured. wise woman, my sponsor.

take good care of yourself. you can do it. keep on keeping on!

[MNGirlyGirl]

I never had a pink cloud, but I sure have had some contentment in my life that was missing. It comes, it goes, but am just glad to be rid of the anxiety.
Congrats on 38 days. That's huge. It's amazing because the more days you get, the more you realize how little time you really have in the long run -- AND how much growth there can be once you really start to heal.

[scootinbabe]

ok, i just had a little breakthrough. if you think back to the first months when you were first in love, that's your pink cloud. later, when it's more like marriage, that's reality. you commit to it, work at it. sometimes it's good, other times it's not so good. but you work it and stay committed.

grab my hand, we're in it together and there are many others to join us!

[jlo34]

Great job...keep up the good work.

Where's your pink cloud? What did you do to "earn" your pink cloud? Do those same things...more meetings, reading more literature, more prayer?

Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I'll let Him.

As for all the other stuff...it'll be taken care of whether you choose to worry about it or not. I've learned not to worry about finances any more. Why? I've been in a whole bunch of financial tight spots...whether I worried about it or not...just when I needed it, I would get some unexpected windfall...never failed. My HP is looking out for me...if you don't have a very good relationship with your HP, you can borrow mine. I promise, mine will take care of all of your needs. There is a reason for everything...sometimes things don't make sense until it becomes hindsight...sometimes they never make sense...but there's always a reason; and who am I to question? Everything works out. There are no coincidences, only miracles. Blind faith. Believe everything will be ok...it will be...perhaps not to your liking...but it will be ok.

Blessings and prayers,
Jen

[GlassPrisoner]

Thanks everyone for your ESH.

'Ya know, it's really not the situations that bother me, it's how I react. I'm still really new and I know ups and downs are expected. And, I'm grateful for these feelings as opposed to being numb. I was just freaking cuz that little taste of serinity I had went bye bye for a while. The depression was mounting and a pity-party was on the horizon.

Anyway, today I:

1. Cleaned house, did laundry.

2. Cleaned the car out (Lot's of junk from being drunk in there).

3. Got the UPS/Fed Ex tracking numbers for the parts I need. They'll be here Monday.

4. Followed up on an interview I was on Tuesday. Didn't get the job.

5. Found 5 more potential jobs on Monster/Dice etc. Printed resumes, made mailing lables etc. Tomorrow I'l write customized cover letters for each company.

6. Went to a meeting. It was a "traveling" meeting where a bunch of us (7) go to an out of town meeting as a group. We had a blast.

7. Talked to my sponsor.

8. Prayed

So, yeah, I'm taking action. God will decide the outcome. Thanks again, I just need to vent every now and then. And believe it or not, this IS the "easier, softer way"

[Mongo]

Where I live in southern Alberta we have a weather phenomena that continues to amaze me. It is called "Chinook" and is a strong, warm wind that blows west from over the Rockies. The temperature can rise from -20c to +15c in a matter of hours. Everything frozen thaws and works again. The snow melts and quickly disappears. Life is great again.

If you look to the west, sometimes in the grip of winter, you can see a "Chinook Arch" which is a highly recognizeable cloud formation over the mountains. This always means happy times are just ahead.

As sobriety time increases, even when I am down I can look to the west and see that chinook arch. I know that good times are on the horizen. That's my pink cloud.

Ron

[REZ]

Life can be so overwhelming at times, even for someone who has been sober for a while. I use the mottos "keep it simple" and "one day a time."

[jlo34]

GP,
Great action!!! Sounds like you know what to do...and are DOING IT!!! Action...that's the most important part of this program. Awareness is great...but the action is what changes stuff!!!

Keep up the great work!!
Jen

[scootinbabe]

mongo--that's a beautiful thing you wrote! thanks!

[Pink Cloud 2]

Hi G.P.
I might be quallified to share on this.My sponsor says I never have to fall off my pink cloud,contrary to some nay-sayers in the rooms.I start off my day watching the rising sun and thank ole H.P. for another beautiful day and not being hung over. that's two positive things that have happened and I'm barely out of bed.Then I ask for H.P. to take controll of my day, handle the things that I can't handle myself,( we'll never be given more than we can handle). Then I ask him(her ,it) what can I do for my fellow man today?We don,t build ourselves up by stepping on others but by reaching down and givig alift up.If the fesces fairy knocks on my door, I don't answer it.If he breaks down my door ,I find a quiet spot in my head,ask H.P. to deal with this and then start my day over again.

then at the end of the day,no matter what happened, if I didn't drink..then that was the best day I've ever had!

[ascar]

Hi G.P.,
And that to shall pass, it used to upset me (at the beginning) when people would say that about me riding that "pink cloud". But it will come back. My sponsor used to say it is not about how you feel it is about helping out others in need, remember you can't keep it if you don't give it away, when I was feeling like you did, I went to more meetings, called more people on the phone list, really watched out for H.A.L.T., and tried to remember to use the KISS method, Keep It Simple Silly (or Stupid) my program is a "day at a time" program, I can't change anything I did yesterday, If I worked my step 8 & 9 as good as I could ,then the people I "screwed over/messed up",I have made my amends to them, and now the only way to show them I truly ment what I said/wrote is to live my program to the best of my ability. As for the people I tend to upset on a daily basis, If I am working my step 10 to the best of my ability then those folks are o.k. with me. I also get in the PMS moods Poor Me Syndrom, I again need to go to more meetings, help others out, make phone calls, whatever it takes to get out of my own head. Thanks for letting me babble.
HAPPY 24,
Neil

[Tazman53]

Congrats on the 42 days, I was on that pink cloud for about 50-60 days, then the cloud started to slowly fade................ I knew I needed to get working hard on my steps but as you can see in my thread about switching sponsors, I went from a temporary sponsor to a permanent sponsor.

Jake has me working hard on Step One. I love it! I am riding high again on that pink cloud and loving life! Jake has warned me that the pink cloud will at times dissappear, but as long as I am working the steps, praying, staying in touch with him and my network and doing my best to live the steps and doing my HP's will (God), the pink cloud will always return.

Of course Jake has also let me know that when I become to content and lay back and simply ride the cloud that the cloud can dissappear far quicker then it appeared.

Hang in there man, looks like you grabbed the bull by the horns and are back on the right track.

[eagle38]

congratulations on the length of sobriety.

As for the pink cloud issue for me that is like when i sit in meetings and hear others talk about waiting for the other shoe to fall off. if you quit waiting for the other shoe to fall off it won't therefore it is the same with pink clouds. it is just a matter of choosing whether u will see a glass half full or half empty. A gratitude list has always helped me stay on my pink cloud as well.

Good luck

[mike_mass]

Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner

Today I am experiencing anxiety, anger, fear and remorse/guilt.

Anxiety and fear over the unknown. I need a job, and to fix my car.
Anger at myself for getting myself into this mess.
Remorse/Guilt for all the lives I've messed up while using. Wife, Children, Friends, Co-Workers and Bosses.....

I know, I know. It's selfish, self-centered, thinking. But dammit, I can't help how I feel. (Well, I can Thank God at least I feel.)

Glass,

Don't be so hard on yourself...you are under a lot of stress now to get your life in order. I think few people would still feel great if they had no source of income and had bills to pay. Just keep going to meetings and job interviews. Things should turn around in due time.