Discussion Anyone?

[CarolD]

*~*~*~*~*^ BigBookQuote^*~*~*~*~*

"We alcoholics are sensitive people.
It takes some of us a long time
to outgrow that serious handicap."

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 125~

[Doug]

Yep, very thin skinned, and always tried to portray myself as otherwise. Again adding to my feelings of being unique and/or different than everybody else.

[jimhere]

No arguement from me on this point. I see it from a few different levels. The first one from a point of extreme self-centeredness. You know when you walk into a room and you think everyone is talking about you? Or when I can't take criticism very well and take everything as a personal attack. Or when I can't take a compliment well either. I've had to learn to say "thank you" to both criticism and compliments.

On another level, I have always felt very deeply. I am a hopeless romantic and a bankrupt idealist. Life has to have depth and meaning and purpose. Thank God that AA has given that to me or being sober wouldn't mean much at all.

I've taken some hard knocks to learn that how I feel doesn't have to dictate my life. I can handle feeling really good and feeling really bad. It is those "flat" times that I hate. You know those times when every day is gray and you just don't feel much at all? I don't do flat well. It is during those times that I just march along and go through the motions. Eventually things turn around. I've learned that life has seasons and that although it may seem like winter is a dead time, it is just dormant. Eventually spring will come and life begins to grow again.

[jrmar]

Originally Posted by jimhere

No arguement from me on this point. I see it from a few different levels. The first one from a point of extreme self-centeredness. You know when you walk into a room and you think everyone is talking about you? Or when I can't take criticism very well and take everything as a personal attack. Or when I can't take a compliment well either. I've had to learn to say "thank you" to both criticism and compliments..

I thought it was just me… Thanks for the post Jim

[chip]

Thanks for the quote, Carol.

I know that I am VERY sensitive. I even border on parinoid. This is something which I really need to work on. All too often, I get caught up in what I think others are thinking. This does me no good.

Here's a quote which helps me:

"it's none of my business what other people think about me".

I'm beginning to realize that at least some of my oversensitivity is a result of my chronic self-centredness. I've always had major insecurities. Some of these insecurities drive me to self seeking behaviours and thinking. These behaviours and thinking really open the door for me to be hurt. I get hurt so much easier when it's "all about me". It's like running out into traffic.
chip

[barb dwyer]

me, too. I'm HYPERsensitive.

but isn't that what they say about us alcoholics? the colors are brighter for us, the feelings deeper, the lies more creative ....heh!
only when our lips are moving.

jimhere, I love your posts. could have just put my name on it, dude.
except for the accepting compliments part ... I'm still tripping on myself on that one. I still hold someplace in my mind that they wouldn't be complimenting me if they'd been paying closer attention ... ?
and uggg... the grey. ya. because the grey days are the ones I might go out LOOKING for something to be interested in, you know? Not necessarily booze, but maybe some distracting gossip ... that kind of thing. I have to really police myself along those lines. I've had to get up and move to other groups when the chit chat goes that way. Maybe its an ex bartender thing. I don't CARE ... I just wanna know!

and chip - I'd love to be able to adopt that 'whatever they think' attitude, too. I do know I can't control it ... but it doesn't mean I don't still try to control what others are thinking of me. It just means I'm trying not to.

great topic, carol!
got me thinking once again!

[findingout]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

except for the accepting compliments part ... I'm still tripping on myself on that one. I still hold someplace in my mind that they wouldn't be complimenting me if they'd been paying closer attention ... ?

Me, too. It's hard for me to accept a compliment with just a simple "Thanks." I always want to qualify the compliment for the other person and add "but you wouldn't say that if..." or "you're just saying that because..." Which is actually pretty rude on my part.

Back in the day, I was very sensitive to what other people thought of me because I was constantly weaving a bunch of different personalities and I needed to confirm how well the lies were working. When I got sober and started the work of finding out who I really was, I had to get used to being just me and was always worried that "just me" was not enough. And in one sense, "just me" wasn't/isn't enough, but today I have a set of guidelines for the direction I want to go and better ways to measure the progress. At the risk of sounding like an A.A. cheerleader (or in this forum preaching to the choir? ), I really do believe that this came about because of the steps, the fellowship, and my higher power speaking through the fellowship. I have no other explanation for it.

[miss communicat]

Hey, did I do or say something wrong and are you just posting this thread to get my attention?

Just kidding!!...I made a joke on myself, because that's how super-sensitive and self absorbed I can be.

[CarolD]

Let me fess up friends..
the idea to again post the BB Quotes came from Doug.

I too have a hard time with compliments
especially when I do not deserve them!

Thank all of you for participating
It's great to see this discussion!

[collinsmi]

"We alcoholics are sensitive people.
It takes some of us a long time
to outgrow that serious handicap."

Very true in my case Carol, although I'd add a slight qualifier in way of how I've learned to see it. I heard on a speaker tape the quote "you're not sensitive, you're touchy". TO me that means I'm sensitive to things concerning only myself, not the needs or conditions of others. In that latter case I've always been remarkably insensitive.

[best]

Originally Posted by CarolD

I too have a hard time with compliments
especially when I do not deserve them!

When not deserving?

We are so thin skinned that we "think" we don't deserve (least that is what I found) Took me a little while to realize...Hey..I can do some things right.
In part... it was the upbringing and in part it was the alcohol. A good alcoholic was one thing I did well. No one ever told me I failed at that.

So glad that there were people around who would love me till I started to learn to love myself. I am starting to learn that I do things right every so often and some people take notice and let me know...so I guess I deserve a compliment every so often.

So don't You.

[GlassPrisoner]

I AM NOT SENSATIVE

And why is everyone SOOOOO concerned with my every move ?!?!?!

[c'est la vie]

Yep, I'm super sensative. I've been known to cry when someone has said something nice because I think they're trying to skirt around saying what they really mean.

[chip]

Hey!

Are You Talking About Me!?!?!?

Seriously, I find that my old thinking tries to make everything about me. I would even get upset when it wasn't about me.
chip

[Slowbriety]

for some reason i am more sensitive to strangers then people who actually know me. anyone else?

[CarolD]

Hmmm...perhaps ro make a good impression?
Or...
we are sick of hearing gripes from people we know?
Or..
It's easier to try to aid from a distance
then to work 1 on 1 with a person in pain?

Just thinking out loud..

[barb dwyer]

LOL -
glass prisoner, c'est, chip (manoman do I ever miss the 'thanks buttons)
hey- maybe they'll replace them or even ADD an LOL button! Y'all had me laughing right out loud this morning - guests were walking past, smiling, but they didn't know what about... EXACTLY what we were talking about ... wondering what I was thinking ... <g>

that was good. hope this makes sense ... I'm still laughing...

[paulmh]

I've just found this thread.

You all were hiding it from me, weren't you?

[AllTooSober]

My A fiance can take the statement "I'm seriously worried about your drinking" and hear "you're a horrible person." Or, I can say "I don't like how the sheets get all rumpled around my neck while I sleep" to "I hate sleeping in the same bed as you."

Do most addicts do this sort of thing?

[GlassPrisoner]

Originally Posted by AllTooSober

My A fiance can take the statement "I'm seriously worried about your drinking" and hear "you're a horrible person." Or, I can say "I don't like how the sheets get all rumpled around my neck while I sleep" to "I hate sleeping in the same bed as you."

Do most addicts do this sort of thing?

Yes.

[barb dwyer]

AllTooSober wrote -
"Do most addicts do this sort of thing?"

yep. At least I did. Still do...sober, or drunk ... so, yeah.

lol