AA w/o doing the steps - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

gypsytears · 11-20-2006, 07:11 AM

What if I go for the support and don't actually do the steps?

psd4237 · 11-20-2006, 07:26 AM

Hey Gypsy,

First of all, what do you have against the steps? I have been working the steps for nine years, one month and twenty-five days (not that I'm counting). It really helps. But AA also offers an incredibly supportive environment. And most important, while you are sitting at a meeting, you won't be drinking. So I'd say go to meetings even if you are reluctant to tackle the steps, and who knows maybe you'll change your mind.

Peggy:ok:

gypsytears · 11-20-2006, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psd4237

Hey Gypsy,

First of all, what do you have against the steps? I have been working the steps for nine years, one month and twenty-five days (not that I'm counting). It really helps. But AA also offers an incredibly supportive environment. And most important, while you are sitting at a meeting, you won't be drinking. So I'd say go to meetings even if you are reluctant to tackle the steps, and who knows maybe you'll change your mind.

Peggy:ok:

I have nothing against the steps. I'm just very, very new to the AA way of life. I went to my first 2 meetings ever last week. I could definitely feel the support at both meetings and did feel good being there after the initial fear of walking through the door subsided (somewhat subsided LOL). I'm just wondering how the steps really help I guess.

**CarolD** · 11-20-2006, 07:47 AM

Welcome to this forum Gypsy,

I suggest you simply keep going to AA keetings
and see how you feel after a few months.

The only requirement for AA is a desire
to stop drinking.

Blessings

gypsytears · 11-20-2006, 07:54 AM

Thanks Carol.

Yes, I do have a desire to stop, so I will go to some more meetings.

psd4237 · 11-20-2006, 08:03 AM

Gypsy,

I, of course, can't speak for others. But for me, the steps are a way to focus, especially initially. By the time I stopped drinking, alcohol was so much a part of my life (drinking it, thinking about it, and so on) that focusing on the steps gave my mind something else to do, a sort of structure. My higher power (and I know this is a bit odd) is Mother Nature because I'm not big on religion, and it really helped stabilize me.

But whether you decide to work the steps or not, definitely keep going to the meetings!
Peggy

collinsmi · 11-20-2006, 08:04 AM

I think stepwork keeps me honest. Maybe that's the connection that prevents me from wanting that first drink (if I want a drink long enough I'll take it). To drink like I did, I had to have a warped and flexible view of reality. THe steps changed that. Long ago i went to meetings without step work, after a few months the fear of drinking was gone and I quit going to meetings. Of course, soon after I drank again.

Astro · 11-20-2006, 08:06 AM

Keep going to meetings GT, and when you hear "How It Works" read, listen when it says "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. I'm not saying it won't work if you don't do the Steps, but my experience was that it didn't. I went to meetings for 5 months looking for that easier, softer way, but never did find it. It was only after being brought to my knees by misery, loneliness, and insanity that I found a sponsor and started working the Steps. 21 months into my sobriety I know that it saved my life, and gave me a new life that's better than anything I've ever known. The Just have an open mind, OK? The Steps may look intimidating, but the peace and comfort you'll come to know as you work them is well worth the effort.

michski · 11-20-2006, 08:06 AM

What do you have to lose by doing the steps?????

That's what I asked myself almost 5 years ago when I quit drinking. I found that I had nothing to lose and had no idea of what I would gain from doing them.
Don't think too much about whether or not or should I or shouldn't I... There are lots of people here who are doing well without doing the steps, but there are also a ton whose lives have really flourished, including mine.

collinsmi · 11-20-2006, 08:08 AM

Working them wasn't at all what I thought it would be like, there were a lot of surprises!

Taiman · 11-20-2006, 08:30 AM

Hi Gypsy, after two meeting perhaps you are overwhelmed by the steps? If that is the cause take a big breath

you don't have to do them all at once. You have lots of time to go through them

If however you find the steps objectionable, and counter to your belief system, then perhaps AA isn't the right vessel to help you stop drinking

Good luck!

FriendofBill · 11-20-2006, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gypsy tears

What if I go for the support and don't actually do the steps?

You'll still be miserable.

imo.

FriendofBill · 11-20-2006, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gypsy tears

I have nothing against the steps. I'm just very, very new to the AA way of life. I went to my first 2 meetings ever last week. I could definitely feel the support at both meetings and did feel good being there after the initial fear of walking through the door subsided (somewhat subsided LOL). I'm just wondering how the steps really help I guess.

You want to know that in advance? LOL, so does everybody.

Kinda like wanting to take the elevator to get to the top faster, instead of taking the steps, which are slower.

Well....just ask yourself if the way you are managing your life today is going well. If its not, and you want to be happy, jouous and free, you must be willing to do things another way, then consider letting go of YOUR idea of how to get to the top, and listen to OTHERS idea of how they got there.

Remember, if your way of living was making you happy, you wouldnt be going to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Good luck.

gypsytears · 11-20-2006, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taiman

Hi Gypsy, after two meeting perhaps you are overwhelmed by the steps? If that is the cause take a big breath

you don't have to do them all at once. You have lots of time to go through them

If however you find the steps objectionable, and counter to your belief system, then perhaps AA isn't the right vessel to help you stop drinking

Good luck!

Intimidated, yes I think I am sort of overwhelmed at the moment.

Carol87 · 11-20-2006, 09:06 AM

The Third Tradition that CarolD mentioned ... "The only requirement ... " is the only thing that kept me coming back to the rooms of AA for a very long time. I, too, resisted doing the steps. Yes, I did stay sober but until I surrendered and worked the program using the steps, my life really did not change. Like CarolD said, keep coming back and see how you feel after more meetings.

gypsytears · 11-20-2006, 09:06 AM

I have to go to an eval at an outpatient care facility right now. I'll check back later.

Sugah · 11-20-2006, 09:10 AM

I have heard my sponsor say, when I get too far ahead of myself trying to project or anticipate the unknown future, "Just put one foot in front of the other."

I think it's great that you've got a desire to stop, that you're going to meetings, and I will say that I totally understand your questions. Totally. In my very early sobriety, I'm sure folks got tired of me saying, "I'm scared to death of that fourth step." Know what? I didn't have to do the fourth step until I got to the fourth step. And all my worrying was for naught.

If you're going to meetings, listening with as much open mindedness you can muster, and not picking up a drink, you'll know when it's time to get a sponsor and start doing step work. Some come to that right away, get a sponsor in the first week or two, and others take a little longer. One word of caution: if you feel like you're going to pick up a drink and that's not what you want to do, it's probably time to grab onto another member of the same sex and ask for some help. Get phone #'s and use them.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

tiburon88 · 11-20-2006, 09:42 AM

AA meetings are great support. I enjoy many (not everyone) of the people that attend. I wouldn't worry about the steps right now. Don't let anyone bully you into "working" them if you don't want to.

c'est la vie · 11-20-2006, 10:16 AM

I think I wouldn't worry too much about getting started on the steps if you've only been to 2 meetings. If you keep going, listening, talking and NOT drinking then you'll eventually decide that either AA isn't for you or you'll WANT to get started on the steps to move to the next level of feeling good.

It took me about 4 months to truly come to terms with step 1 but I "worked" on it the whole time.

**best** · 11-20-2006, 10:30 AM

I used the support and stopped the intake of alcohol a long time ago.
My life changed...well no it didn't. It remained the same just didn't get any worse then what the continued drinking would have caused.
Once I started using the steps is when I started to see things around me improve. I tried things my way for long enough....time to listen to what others have found worked for them and give it a try. Yup...they were right. Good stuff those steps are.

A word picture that comes to mind...
You bake a double layer cake... you have two layers but no frosting. It is still a cake but seems plan. Now add the steps...a nice looking plate, frosting, decorative candies.

The steps take plan old not drinking and can change our life into something that is beautiful. It is the frosting on the cake.

Slowbriety · 11-20-2006, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gypsy tears

I'm just wondering how the steps really help I guess.

I dont know, they just do. It took me six months to finally get the second part of step one. But, after that it all started to fall into place. Now, after a few years my life is wonderful, absolutley amazing. Just remember, YOU are the only one responsible for your recovery, do things at your own pace, but do them. If you decide to start.

Sheryl85 · 11-20-2006, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gypsy tears

What if I go for the support and don't actually do the steps?

What if I go to the doctor after a diagnosis of a potentially fatal illness and I don't take the recommended treatment that's worked for millions of other folks just like me? I've got the support, but what good will it do?

doorknob · 11-20-2006, 01:10 PM

I've met quite a few alcoholics online that use AA meetings for f2f support but pursue secular resources for recovery work.

11-20-2006, 07:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
gypsytears stone supporter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: upheaVAL Posts: 10,115 Blog Entries: 2	AA w/o doing the steps What if I go for the support and don't actually do the steps?

11-20-2006, 07:47 AM	#4 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 16,037	Welcome to this forum Gypsy, I suggest you simply keep going to AA keetings and see how you feel after a few months. The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. Blessings __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

11-20-2006, 08:04 AM	#7 (permalink)
collinsmi Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Springs CO Posts: 771	I think stepwork keeps me honest. Maybe that's the connection that prevents me from wanting that first drink (if I want a drink long enough I'll take it). To drink like I did, I had to have a warped and flexible view of reality. THe steps changed that. Long ago i went to meetings without step work, after a few months the fear of drinking was gone and I quit going to meetings. Of course, soon after I drank again. __________________ "I was violating my standards faster than I could lower them!"

11-20-2006, 08:06 AM	#8 (permalink)
Astro Codaholic Alcodependant Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Phoenix, AZ, in a home filled with love Posts: 6,655	Keep going to meetings GT, and when you hear "How It Works" read, listen when it says "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. I'm not saying it won't work if you don't do the Steps, but my experience was that it didn't. I went to meetings for 5 months looking for that easier, softer way, but never did find it. It was only after being brought to my knees by misery, loneliness, and insanity that I found a sponsor and started working the Steps. 21 months into my sobriety I know that it saved my life, and gave me a new life that's better than anything I've ever known. The Just have an open mind, OK? The Steps may look intimidating, but the peace and comfort you'll come to know as you work them is well worth the effort. __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

11-20-2006, 08:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
michski Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California Posts: 977	What do you have to lose by doing the steps????? That's what I asked myself almost 5 years ago when I quit drinking. I found that I had nothing to lose and had no idea of what I would gain from doing them. Don't think too much about whether or not or should I or shouldn't I... There are lots of people here who are doing well without doing the steps, but there are also a ton whose lives have really flourished, including mine. __________________ Fake it til you make it!

11-20-2006, 07:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
psd4237 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: BUFFALO, NY Posts: 32	Hey Gypsy, First of all, what do you have against the steps? I have been working the steps for nine years, one month and twenty-five days (not that I'm counting). It really helps. But AA also offers an incredibly supportive environment. And most important, while you are sitting at a meeting, you won't be drinking. So I'd say go to meetings even if you are reluctant to tackle the steps, and who knows maybe you'll change your mind. Peggy:ok:

11-20-2006, 07:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
gypsytears stone supporter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: upheaVAL Posts: 10,115 Blog Entries: 2	Thanks Carol. Yes, I do have a desire to stop, so I will go to some more meetings.

11-20-2006, 08:03 AM	#6 (permalink)
psd4237 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: BUFFALO, NY Posts: 32	Gypsy, I, of course, can't speak for others. But for me, the steps are a way to focus, especially initially. By the time I stopped drinking, alcohol was so much a part of my life (drinking it, thinking about it, and so on) that focusing on the steps gave my mind something else to do, a sort of structure. My higher power (and I know this is a bit odd) is Mother Nature because I'm not big on religion, and it really helped stabilize me. But whether you decide to work the steps or not, definitely keep going to the meetings! Peggy

11-20-2006, 08:08 AM	#10 (permalink)
collinsmi Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Springs CO Posts: 771	Working them wasn't at all what I thought it would be like, there were a lot of surprises! __________________ "I was violating my standards faster than I could lower them!"

11-20-2006, 08:30 AM	#11 (permalink)
Taiman Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Toronto Posts: 98	Hi Gypsy, after two meeting perhaps you are overwhelmed by the steps? If that is the cause take a big breath you don't have to do them all at once. You have lots of time to go through them If however you find the steps objectionable, and counter to your belief system, then perhaps AA isn't the right vessel to help you stop drinking Good luck!

11-20-2006, 09:06 AM	#15 (permalink)
Carol87 Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Nebraska Posts: 165	The Third Tradition that CarolD mentioned ... "The only requirement ... " is the only thing that kept me coming back to the rooms of AA for a very long time. I, too, resisted doing the steps. Yes, I did stay sober but until I surrendered and worked the program using the steps, my life really did not change. Like CarolD said, keep coming back and see how you feel after more meetings. __________________ If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.- Meister Eckhart If you are headed in the wrong direction ... God allows U-Turns

11-20-2006, 09:06 AM	#16 (permalink)
gypsytears stone supporter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: upheaVAL Posts: 10,115 Blog Entries: 2	I have to go to an eval at an outpatient care facility right now. I'll check back later.

11-20-2006, 09:10 AM	#17 (permalink)
Sugah Om, Aum, Ohm... Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh Posts: 2,633	I have heard my sponsor say, when I get too far ahead of myself trying to project or anticipate the unknown future, "Just put one foot in front of the other." I think it's great that you've got a desire to stop, that you're going to meetings, and I will say that I totally understand your questions. Totally. In my very early sobriety, I'm sure folks got tired of me saying, "I'm scared to death of that fourth step." Know what? I didn't have to do the fourth step until I got to the fourth step. And all my worrying was for naught. If you're going to meetings, listening with as much open mindedness you can muster, and not picking up a drink, you'll know when it's time to get a sponsor and start doing step work. Some come to that right away, get a sponsor in the first week or two, and others take a little longer. One word of caution: if you feel like you're going to pick up a drink and that's not what you want to do, it's probably time to grab onto another member of the same sex and ask for some help. Get phone #'s and use them. Peace & Love, Sugah __________________ There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done Keep me in your heart for awhile ~WZ ANS 01/29/86 - 08/04/08

11-20-2006, 09:42 AM	#18 (permalink)
tiburon88 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 555	steps AA meetings are great support. I enjoy many (not everyone) of the people that attend. I wouldn't worry about the steps right now. Don't let anyone bully you into "working" them if you don't want to.

11-20-2006, 10:16 AM	#19 (permalink)
c'est la vie Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in a better place Posts: 1,397	I think I wouldn't worry too much about getting started on the steps if you've only been to 2 meetings. If you keep going, listening, talking and NOT drinking then you'll eventually decide that either AA isn't for you or you'll WANT to get started on the steps to move to the next level of feeling good. It took me about 4 months to truly come to terms with step 1 but I "worked" on it the whole time.

11-20-2006, 10:30 AM	#20 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,184	I used the support and stopped the intake of alcohol a long time ago. My life changed...well no it didn't. It remained the same just didn't get any worse then what the continued drinking would have caused. Once I started using the steps is when I started to see things around me improve. I tried things my way for long enough....time to listen to what others have found worked for them and give it a try. Yup...they were right. Good stuff those steps are. A word picture that comes to mind... You bake a double layer cake... you have two layers but no frosting. It is still a cake but seems plan. Now add the steps...a nice looking plate, frosting, decorative candies. The steps take plan old not drinking and can change our life into something that is beautiful. It is the frosting on the cake. __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

11-20-2006, 01:10 PM	#23 (permalink)
doorknob Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Davenport, WA Posts: 2,848	I've met quite a few alcoholics online that use AA meetings for f2f support but pursue secular resources for recovery work. __________________ Faith is believing what you know ain't so - Mark Twain