life had become unmanageable

[GreenFish]

life had become unmanageable

What does this mean?

[chip]

Welcome GreenFish!
This can mean a number of things.

As alcoholics, our "bottoms" are at different levels. Some of us havn't lost jobs, homes families etc.... YET.

For me, my bottom came when I couldn't stop drinking but I knew I needed to stop. My bottom was a spiritual and emotional bankrupcy.

My life had become unmanagable. I couldn't handle my life. I had to drink to live and function. My drinking was also destroying everything around me. My life was unmanagable because my drinking was in control of it. Alcohol ruled my life, and I had no control. In my experience, when I realized that I wasn't fit to be "steering" the wheel of my life, I realized that my life was unmanagable.

This is just my interperetation. I hope others will share as well.

Welcome to SR, and I hope you find the answers you need.
peace,
chip

[CarolD]

For me....
Alcoholic depression had made it impossible to
think rationally. Literally..I was losing my mind.

Interesting topic GF...Thanks!

[GreenFish]

I can't tell if my life is unmanagable. How do I know if I am in denial, or that I just need to slow done a bit?

[CarolD]

GF...I suggest you look at this past post of yours

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-you-know.html (How do you know?)

Look at the date...

Do you see a life of joy and purpose?
That is what sobriety has given me.
That can be true for you also.

[GreenFish]

Wow, that was ten months ago... And here I am again. My drinking really increased after that, then it decreased quite a bit.

Why do I not seem to get it?

[CarolD]

Here is a link to a book that convibced ne to quit

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence")

I use God+AA to stay quit..

[GreenFish]

Wow, I was just reading that thread. It was helpful.

[jimhere]

First off, don't fall for the myth that alcohol is what makes your life unmanageable. It may not help when you are spiraling out of control drunk. but it is the unmanageability that is the root of the problem before the first drink is ever taken.

Leaving aside the drink question, ask yourself why living is unsatisfactory. Are you making heavy going of life?

Having trouble with personal relations? Prey to misery and depression? Can't control your emotional nature? Full of fear? Can't make a living? (I don't mean make a paycheck. I mean is it enough, or is there never enough?) Unhappy? Can't seem to be of real help to others?

Are you restless, irritable, & discontent without a drink? An unmanageable life has nothing to do with what's in the bank, your job, your car, etc. If you pay attention, you'll see that the above set of questions originate from within and have very little to do with circumstances. In fact, the second half of the first step has very little to do with the first half, unless you're still drinking. But this is the problem that must be solved in order to have a contented, useful sobriety, or any sobriety at all.

Left in the above condition, an alcoholic will eventually have to drink, or blow his head off. It is the spiritual malady rooted in self that gets an alcoholic to the insanity of taking the first drink. The steps address the solution to this problem.
Jim

[GreenFish]

Thanks Jim, those are great questions. What do I do now?

[FriendofBill]

couldnt manage to feed my kid
couldnt manage to get to workon time
couldnt magage to deal with my emotions
couldnt manage to get outta bed
couldnt manage my rage and anger
couldnt magage my relationships
couldnt manage to say no
coudlnt manage to think about others

couldnt manage = unmanagable

[FriendofBill]

Originally Posted by GreenFish

Wow, that was ten months ago... And here I am again. My drinking really increased after that, then it decreased quite a bit.

Why do I not seem to get it?

To get it, ya gotta be "willing" to get it.

To be willing means ya gotta do whatever it takes..w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r it takes.

Going to meetings when ya dont wanna go
Calling for help, when you wanna isolate alone
Helping others when ya dont want to
working stupid steps that make no sense

Basically, you have to do everything your disease tells you not to do.

THEN, you get it and the getting gets good.

I hope you work hard to get it

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by GreenFish

Thanks Jim, those are great questions. What do I do now?

Greenfish,
Go to an AA meeting or two. Listen for someone who is talking about a set of spiritual exercises called the 12 Steps and how they've accessed a Power to live by through that process (which is found in the book called "Alcoholics Anonymous"). Then ask them if they will help you through that process. A person who has had the experience can show you precisely how they have recovered. You see, lack of power is only a problem when you want to change, so if you access power to live by, you won't have to drink. Feel free to ask any questions that come to mind, but you will need f2f help as well.
Regards,
Jim

[c'est la vie]

My sponsor told me the unmanageability includes the ridiculous (not funny though) things you did thinking they were acceptable, not just the obvious things you couldn't manage to do. I didn't lose anything (other than sanity) so I questioned whether I was alcoholic. Even though I always told myself "I'm not THAT bad", it makes me cringe to think about what I did.

I just made a list for my 1 step recently and I hope you don't mind if I share some of it here. Hopefully it helps to stir up some thoughts for you to see your own unmanageability.


- Sat slumped over during a family meal and excused myself to take a walk (in the middle of dinner) because I thought I was going to puke.

- Got ticked off when the school nurse called around lunchtime to tell me my son was sick and needed to be picked up because I had just poured myself a glass of wine. I chugged it then drove to the school and raced back to finish the bottle.

- Setting the timer on the stove to wake me before the kindergarten bus arrived at noon (and sometimes slept through it)

- Started cancelling volunteer opportunities, cooking classes, driving classes, and tour groups because I was either or too hungover or didn't want to disrupt my precious drinking time and eventually because my digestive system couldn't allow me to leave the house.

- Waking up wondering why I'm still alive, promising myself that I would stop doing that to myself, then drinking again a few hours later when I felt "better".

[GreenFish]

Everyone has been a big help, thanks :-)

I guess I should go to some meetings and do everything that I don't want to do, rather than keep doing the things I want to do. I don't seem to be doing a good job of it.

[jlo34]

Hello my northern friend and welcome back.

Lots of great thoughts here. I was in a world of denial when I was exposed to AA. I had every reason in the world why and how I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. Life unmanagable?!?! Please!!!

Ok, now getting real and getting honest. My life was very unmanagable. I drove drunk when I swore I never would. I slept with guys for alcohol; which was not how I was brought up. I lost ambition. I became suicidal. I couldn't "see" the purpose of living. I hated me and everyone around me. I was paranoid. I thought everyone was out to get me. I couldn't think of anything other than when and how I was going to drink again. I became a person I didn't know and couldn't respect.

I am NO LONGER that person. My life is wonderful today and very managable. Things happen in life that are way beyond my control...but I know that I don't have to have a breakdown or drink over anything that happens today. I have the tools to deal with situations as they come up. I have great sober friends to lean on. I have the steps of AA to help me be the best person I can...and today....today, I respect myself. I am NOT ashamed of who I am. I am not ashamed of what I have done. I usually make good choices and don't think about, just me. I have compassion and feeling for others.

Sober living is wonderful. It's not for everyone...just for those who REALLY want it. If you REALLY want it, step up to the plate Greenfish and get to meetings. You don't have to say a word...just listen. Relate, not compare. You'll meet someone with the same exact story as yours...it always happens.

Commitment - doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has passed. Commit yourself to going to at least 1 meeting a day for the next 90 days. I live in little ole Lenawee County and there are over 60 meetings a week I could go to! In Detroit, I'm sure there are several hundred meetings you could go to. They happen at all different times of the day. One hour of your day to pamper yourself with truth, knowledge and a better way of life. The lessons and tools you'll find in the Big Book and at the meetings.

Keep us up to date on how the meetings go! Good luck and blessings.
Jen

[GreenFish]

Thanks jlo, I will get myself to a few meetings and listen. I will try to get to 1 a day.

[jlo34]

Awesome, Greenfish!!! I look forward to hearing how it goes!!! I'm on my way to a meeting here in about 1/2 an hour myself!!! Looking forward to it!!!

Take care and blessings everyone,
Jen