Could do with some help

[paulmh]

I've always loved tradition twelve, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to put principles before personalities.

I've come back from my home group. I only attend one meeting a week regularly, though I know where I would go each night if I had to. I kinda know that one isn't quite enough, just keeps me ticking over. But I have amends to make to my wife and kids. Curiously this week I had just said to my wife that I would like to be doing a second meeting regularly. She, as always, agreed. She knows I put my sobriety first. She knows if I need a meeting, I need a meeting.

Anyway. Tonight a long-standing member took me to one side and gave me an earful, in a loving way. A lot of what she said was reasonable. I let go of any resentment that wanted to spring up, then and afterwards, and listened to her respectfully. I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say she told me I was still sick.

Separate to this a woman came up to me after the meeting - someone I know from my homegroup and have done for a while - and basically flirted with me.

As I drove home I found myself thinking about the fact that I know, and have known for quite some time that I was only doing enough to get by. I found myself thinking that it's a good time to try and start living by the principles, and living the practises, which brought me such unexpected peace when I first came to the fellowship. I thought about the conversation I had had with my wife earlier in the week - there are so few coincidences, lol - about going to another meeting regularly. And I asked myself, maybe my homegroup is a bit too comfortable for me. And maybe it's also a bit soap-operaish too. Maybe it's a little too easy there. Maybe if I work with a different group of people, at meetings I also know quite well, I can progress my recovery.

What do you think. I feel calm and unresentful about events tonight, but I also feel like I want to sharpen my gratitude, my acceptance, my tolerance. I feel like I want to give my home group a miss for a little while. Any thoughts would be gratefully accepted.

My sponsor isn't well. I'll go and see him tomorrow and talk about this then.

Thanks all.

[michski]

Yeah, I think it's a great idea to explore other groups. I don't like it when groups get to clicky.. they often don't see the scared silent newcomer. Anyway why not go to different groups? Check them out and find and share some new inspiration and ES&H. After many relapses I know my homegroup saw me as an in and out "chronic relapser" and I enjoyed the anonymity of new groups who helped show me who I was. At that time I hadn't a clue.

Yeah, homegroups do get too comfortable. But they're important too. I eventually did begin with my homegroup again. I began by picking up my one year chip there and that rocked their reality about me and it was good that I did it... for them and for me.

[fraankie]

good idea
i use dto have a route
same meetings
each night
then at about five years
i started making different groups
of course, you no longer know "everybody'
but
it keeps me going


best
fraankie

[CarolD]

I do my service work at my home group...but
I too enjoy attending other groups.

Gives me a fresh outlook.

When I hear 'I am still sick'
I suggest they need to repeat

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Hugs to Mrs. Paul for her support!
The 2 of you are going great!

[paulmh]

Thanks for your replies.

Mrs Paul? lol! I'll try that on her. If I'm not around for a while you'll know why.

She had a large brain tumour removed last year. Her recovery has gone well, except that she has developed epilepsy. I can't imagine what would have happened if the fellowship hadn't been in my life. I would've drunk on her tumour, because I would've been obssessed about what it meant for me. I've been able to make some little amends. Both to her and the kids, by being able to support her through last year, when she lost her dad also. I've been able to doit because of the gift of acceptance, something which was entirely alien to me before AA. And acceptance as we know, not being the same as indifference. I became an asset to my family instead of an unstable liability. Today I still am an asset.

I'm growing up. Maybe I am still sick. But I am recovering.

Love to all. There are many things people write here which have an impact on me. Sometimes that impact comes days or weeks later. I feel strongly that it adds to my recovery.

[barb dwyer]

Hey Paul,

Up here, traveling to other towns around here is practicallya requirement.

There's a VERY small town about 40 mi away ( and what a pain - it's through some bee-yoo-tee-full Montana scenery) that has almost ALL oldtimer membership. I think the 'youngest member there is at 18 years sobriety.
There's another just 25 miles over the continental divide , that has only about four members.
They need all the fresh blood they can get.

And about the woman who 'tagged' you ... sometimes, people have trouble working their OWN program, you know? But, if there was truth there ... jump on it.
As for the flirt ... *sigh* Sometimes the disease makes lateral moves ... a little compulsive eating here, some sexual promiscuity over there ...

Jump in the car a do it, man. It's a lot of fun.

[paulmh]

Hi Barb

It's not very complicated is it. Some new faces, different ESH, regain a focus on the principles which I need, put a bit of distance between me and the personalities.

You'll have to excuse me, I'm an alkie and I complicate everything!

Thanks all.

[2dayzmuse]

I think it is a great idea to explore different meetings. I wish I could. We only have one AA meeting which I helped start two years ago. It has become very familiar and down right frustrating at times. New faces, new shares would be refreshing. Good luck...

Hmmmm...I wonder about the member who lovingly told you you were still sick? I don't think it would be my place to do that.

[paulmh]

I spoke to my sponsor about it, muze. And I wrote about it here. Ultimately it's about me sorting things out in my own head, not about the rights or wrongs of what was said, do you think? I'm grateful to her for speaking to me. Nothing that she said was wrong. Some of it wasn't necessary, but she needed to say it for herself.

I don't envy you having only one meeting to go to. This little event confirmed that I was pointed in the right direction - personalities are coming between me and the principles I need at the moment. So I need a little distance for a little while. It's not a biggie. But I've still got an alkie's head, and it could have been a biggie!

[2dayzmuse]

I'm glad that things didn't get to the point of getting out of control. I think once you explore some other options and get some distance between you and your homegroup, you will look forward to going back. It will feel like being home again...

I know I go through up and downs with my group. Bottom line, I don't think I'm going anywhere. If I spend more than a few weeks away, I'm ready to go back to get reconnected again. It is a good feeling to have unity. I know my homegroup members are there for me no matter what and I for them.

[paulmh]

It is a good feeling to have unity

isn't it just.