how aa helps me as an adult child

[utopia]

alanon 2and a half years, coda one year.
aa- 1 day. i went to an aa meeting last night with trepidation. i saw my father in the speakers, i was alert and yet drawn to everyone in that room and yet also repelled. i heard my fathers story, my sisters soul speaking from the speakers. i heard myself.

i realised a lot....(((epiphany))). my dad raped me, he bashed me, he did it to my family, he was an alco. we loved each other. i sometimes still hate him. i have 50% of my genes from him. i have rejected the fact that i have some part of him in me. going to aa allowed me to embrace/acknowledge that part of me that i had rejected,judged,hated all my life, the part of me that comes from my alcoholic father. i had built up a sense in alanon of us vs them without realising it. alanon the innocent victims of circumstance vs the haughty,irresponsible ****ers in aa that had unintentionally caused us grief.

going to aa has opened my eyes to aa and alanon really being sisters against the disease, not the disease-d. also i am forced to see my own addictions to food. i admit i haugtily boasted myself in alanon meetings how whilst my sister got smashed i only had a glass of wine or didnt drink at all. a sense of self-righteousness that i am aware of now. i also can finally admit that i believe alcohol was never meant for human consumption and that that includes me. i feel i am already being released of judgement, hatred and am being given the grace of forgiveness, i walked into that aa meeting thinking, one more addiction? oh lord keep me open. i walked away thinking, welcome to the human race!!! i also felt god telling me, i gave you your soul and i love you still, now and always. humble thanks people.

[CarolD]

Huge Hugs for sharing part of your powerful story!


Blessings...

[fraankie]

welcome aboard
now
you got time in al-anon
so AA should be a stepping stone
to moving on

best
fraankie

[nogard]

Thanks for teh sharing, such strength (((utopia)))

Kevin

[utopia]

thankyou, the last two bottles of wine i drank (and that I desire to be the last) were branded 'epiphany' and 'stepping stones'!!

[Clutch B]

Thanks for sharing, Utopia. Alcoholism sucks. It sucks for everyone.

If a person has cancer, only they have to undergo chemotherapy -- not the rest of their family. But with alcoholism, the whole family gets hit with the disease in one way or another, and everyone ends up needing help.

Thank goodness for AA & AlAnon. They're treating the effects of the same disease.