What is the Power Greater than Ourselves

[rob71]

I am 35 and have been through and currently am attending AA. At one point one year into my sobriety I relapsed. Eight years later and a bigger drunk than ever i wonder if there is really ever hope. I believe and still believe that there is a power greater than oursevleves but am starting to wonder, HOW DO YOU FIND HIM/HER. I practice humility every day and every night. I get on my knees and beg for the urges to stop drinking to disapear but they never do. Some say I havent hit bottom. I would beg to differ. I dont think there is much more of a bottom except death. I see counselers and attend meetings but for some reason it just dont make a differance. Some say, Are you doing the steps and I say yes! I have done many of the steps but there is still no inner peace and I keep relapsing. The differance is I DO WANT TO STOP DRINKING. It has cost me soooo much in life. Can someone tell me their difficulties in hope that I wont give up on AA. I know it is hard. I just want a little bit (A VERY LITLE BIT OF SERENITY) in my life.

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR!..

I am so sorry to see your situation...Hugs

I am sure others will be along soon to share
their experiences with you.

For me...I returned to the God of my childhood.
I use the Sinday School God of love.

Blessings..

[aasharon90]

Hi im Sharon an Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my Higher Power whom I chose
to call God, and people here in SR, I havent had
a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90. For that I am
truely grateful.

To find direction and meaning I must
tap a HP. That Power is ur HP as you
understand Him or Her. I will start each
day with my HP and take Steps, 3, 7
and 11. There is no Greater Power. And
then I say:


HP, I turn my life and will over to
You today.

I will walk humbly with You and my
fellow travelers.

You are giving me a grateful heart for
many blessings. You are directing my
thinking and separating me from self-pity,
dishonesty and self-seeking motives.

You are removing mr resentments, fears
and other character defects that stand
in my way.

You are giving me freedom from self-will.

Your will, HP, not mine.

You will show me today what I can do to
help someone who is still hurting,

As I go out to do Your bidding, You are
helping me to become a better person.

[best]

My HP is Jesus and what I found helped me get connected with God was by reading His word that He gave us. For a deeper understanding and conection with anyone, we need to look at the things they leave around for us to gather info from. For God...it would be the bible.

Worked for me. You can give it a try and see what happens.

[collinsmi]

THe only advice I can offer is:
1. Don't drink, no matter what
2. Get a good sponsor and follow all directions.
3. Keep doing this stuff (step work, meetings, prayer, etc.), there should be things to do every day. If there aren't, it may be time to find a different sponsor.

[SaTiT]

It's a TRIP.
hANG oN TO YOUR ARSS.LOL
Perhapse you"ll get Rocket2d4

i relapsed after 11 years of being clean and sober.
yeap, i have 2 years again. Thanks to SR.

Yeap, i was going out of my freaken mind and then some.
I was depressed as hell and was looking for alternatives.lol
I was serching for answers to my problems on the net a couple of years
ago . As you would have it I kept running into AA or recovery.
I should have known better....I got fed up in my 5th years
of recovery and (THE 5 years crzy). So i started going to church
to find answers. And of course...come to find out, my minister
was an old timer of AA. oki doke , i get it.lmaf

The past two years has been a trip and a half.
It was full of experince and extravicents..lol
My ass fell off....mmm I lost count of...how many times.
But peaple care and reach out to me.
It was a journey i had to travel and experince.
I learned so, so much more. I met many challenges.
I cried my heart out. I wrote beautiful music.
i also open up a can of worms or peeled layers of deep rooted ingrain stuff.lol
I was in the pit of despair.
I also experince mericles.

I'm better today. I am at peace. I am joyful
I don't feel saperated or apart from my HP
The fighting is over , i stopped resisting.

No, not everything has gone oki doki or as my mind would like.
That okay....didn't I mentioned i went out of my freanken mind.

I'm also currently reading and practicing suggestions from a book
The Power Of the NOW. It's a trip.... literature like that make sense
to me now. It's pretty much the same as recovery materials.
For some reason the book jumped out at me again, so i figure
it's time to read it again.
You know...my sponsor and ministor would say.
When you're ready for it the answers or lessens would come to ya.

take care and God bless

darn...the humans found planet Happy.lmaf
I guess it's fluffy.lol

[Sheryl85]

Rob,
I wish there was something I could say that would lift the curtain and reveal the answer for you, but I am not sure I can. I will say this though, you have half the battle won just by the fact that you know there is a HP. That is a whole lot more than a lot of folks out there.

I have found through my own experience and working with others that sometimes the problem lies within our own mind and heart. We hold on to the idea that we don’t deserve help from our God. That we’ve screwed up so bad that He doesn’t really want to waste His time on us. However, later I discovered that by bringing us to the program and by keeping us alive all this time He in fact had always been taking care of us and watching over us instead. All He really wants was for us to accept what He offers…His Grace. My definition of Grace is “unearned help,” and Lord knows, I thought that I had certainly never done anything to warrant His help. My sponsor finally had to explain to me that my major problem was that I was suffering from a case of inflated ego. That’s right, ego. It’s just that it was the opposite end of the spectrum than we are use to seeing. I always thought that I was “too bad.” Being too good or being too bad…you still think you are the best at something even if it is the best at being the worst. Those feelings didn’t subside until I started working on my Fourth Step and got to the Fifth Step. Somewhere within that process the desire to drink left because the guilt and shame I had been feeling all those years had finally seen the light of day and once exposed, I realized that I was no worse nor better than another person trying to make their way in this world. I finally understood what my sponsor had been trying to tell me all that time which was, “We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get better.”

So, if you don’t have a sponsor, try to get one. If you haven’t taken the Steps, try doing that. What do you have to lose except the desire to drink? (After all, all I ever wanted was to learn how not to drink and be happy about it. I’ve got that today.) If it can work for a person like me, I think it might just work for you too…

Good luck and God bless you.

[hector]

(Rob), I've read through your post several times trying to read between the lines to get to where you really are. I read sincerity. I read honest effort. I read some desperation. I'm not sure.... I'm taking a leap here, I might be wrong.... Are you following directions? Are you really admitting you're totally powerless, your life is truly unmanageable? Do you really believe, deep in your heart, at the depths of your being, that this Power you can't find can restore you to sanity? Have you decide to trust God, to truly stop running on self-will, to turn your life over to His care with no holding back? (Steps 1-3)

I think you're holding back because He might fail you. That's a pity. Give Him a chance. Your God is too small. My God can do anything. He could remove completely and forever my desire for alcohol. He hasn't, and I've been sober a long time. He wants me to remain dependent on His grace and direction to maintain sobriety. I don't expect that to change.

Try this meditation to slow you down and to put yourself where God can talk to you. You may have to try it several times over a few weeks or months:

Get comfortable where it's quiet and close your eyes. Think about the phrase, "Be still and know that I am God." After 20-30 seconds at least, drop a word. Think about the phrase, "Be still and know that I am." DON'T HURRY! When you're ready, drop a word, think about "Be still and know that I...." Then "Be still and know that." DON'T HURRY! Then "Be still and know" And so on. All the way to "Be." Take your time. Come out of it slowly.

You are a child of God, just like me. God loves each of us as though there were only one of us. Quiet the committee meeting in your head. Pray for knowledge of Him. Pray for His presence, and when (not if) it comes, let Him speak to you in a still, small voice only you can hear.

I know what happened as you read this. You thought, "That'll never work! This freak is nuts!" As long as you continue to think that way, you're right.

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." James 4:8

I only want for you what I have: Long-term sobriety. No serenity? Here's some of mine.

[Irish Virus]

Hey Rob:

How's Joliet these days? I grew up in that neck of the woods, but haven't been back in years.

You asked "HOW DO YOU FIND HIM/HER". In my opinion there are no pat
answers to this question? Everyone is different and therefore the method of
finding and understanding a Higher Power will vary.

My main question is what is your Higher Power? If you believe in Jesus, then
best pretty much summed up a great way to try to get connected with the Lord. I myself am not smart enough to decipher the Bible, so I read other books that help me understand the scriptures. Going to Church ain't a bad idea either in order to improve your spirituality.

Whatever HP you choose, you must be active in seeking knowledge and
understanding.

Good luck and God Bless

[REZ]

A couple of observations, for what they're worth.

1. You have to develop your own concept of a higher power. The steps refer to "God as we understood him." I think this specifically opens the door for you to think about what God means to you. Some people identify God/HP with the help they find in meetings, with the 12 steps, with nature, with the force of good in the universe, with Jesus, Buddha or whatever. With that in mind, whether you "find" HP/God is a matter of how you conceive or HP/God. You can only "find" what you are looking for in the first place. If you are expecting a burning bushes to shout messages at you, this may not happen to you (it didn't happen to me). If, on the other hand, you expect to find hope, peace, love, joy or understanding, you may find this (I did).

2. As far as having the obsession to drink removed. Mine was gone after about a month. I still think about it from time to time, but it is not a constant, nagging desire. How long it takes depends on the person, I think. For me, it involves a willingness to let go of the desire to drink. If the thought comes into my mind, I know that I don't have to act on it, and I can let it pass (and it will, if I let it). It's kind of like getting a stupid song stuck in your head. You have to let it leave your mind and put something else (maybe another song) in its place.

[nogard]

Welcome to SR

[barb dwyer]

REZ wrote:
"2. As far as having the obsession to drink removed. Mine was gone after about a month. I still think about it from time to time, but it is not a constant, nagging desire. How long it takes depends on the person, I think. "

================================================== ========
Hi -
I agree with that.

For me, I've just 'come back' as well. On the advice of others in my home group, and my sponsor ( who immediately took me back after three years' gone ...


I went to the doctor - not only because it hadn't occurred to my alcoholic mind that I might be POISONED after all these years, but it also was a physical affirmation of the admission of power - less - ness that we ALL have such a hard time with.
What a buzz kill to learn we're not God, after all, huh?
Anyhoo -
the doc gave me some meds that really DIMMED the cravings, because they were afraid of my going into withdrawals like convulsions, hemmorages, and then there's the whole death thing. I also got a HEP test (squeaky clean) and a full blood count and a liver panel. Which also came out miraculously clear. The doctor even asked me if I was sure I was drinking the amount I estimated, because my liver looked SO good.
I was a bartender all those years. I was probably drinking way more than that, even thought I was as honest and held nothing back.

(bleah - how anyone can look at something like a liver in any way and find it 'good' amazes me from the jump ... ya know?)

I've learned to take my miracles where I can find 'em.

Anyway - this pill -
It's non-narcotic, so there's no buzz, but it really DID cut the craving and the 'freakout' thing for me. AND - it helped me cut my smoking in HALF ... as well as food 'substitution' cravings. I'm thoroughly impressed with it.
And if I do relapse - won't get sick like that other stuff they use. I'll get the name of it and send it to ya private tomorrow or Friday if you like. (I'm at work and the bottle is at home. I don't work again until Friday night.)

So, I could focus on the FIRST step without those annoying convulsions !
lol

Ok - that's enough for a first post.
Thanks. That's all I got for now.
Barb

[paulmh]

HI Rob, your post really touched a nerve in me.

The thing that we all have in common with regard to HP is the understanding and acknowledgement that HP is NOT ME. After that we're free to fill in the blanks with Jesus or Buddha or the Tao or the fellowship or the radiator or whatever we fancy. But first and foremost, for this alcoholic, I had to let go of the notion that I could control the outcome. I can't. Neither can you. Rather than "trying" to fix this relationship with HP, just acknowledge that you can't control it. I think maybe you'll find that peace comes from letting go.

[michski]

Do you have a family? Do you have a future? Do you love and respect for your AA group? Does someone besides yourself need you to remain sober?

Are you grateful? You can use all these things (and more ) for your HP. I used my group, my family, and my desire to rid myself from being the selfish, inconsiderate and dishonest woman I was when I was out there. I am not alone in the world..

Don't worry about identifying your HP. You've got one or you wouldn't be in recovery!!