I got a sponsor

[brdlvr]

Yesterday I posted about getting a temp sponsor and finally letting go and trying it the AA way and not on my own (hard to admit that I couldn't do it on my own). I called the lady I was thinking of calling, but for some reason the number would not go through. So I called this gal that I ran into the last time I went to a meeting - about 3 weeks ago. She and I used to party together back in high school. She has been sober for about 12 years! She met me at the meeting and thank goodness I didn't have to formally ask if she will be my temp. She asked me if I really want to quit drinking - I said yes, but have no idea how to change my life - all I've know since I was 15 was drinking and in my adult life - the bars and parties. She gave me a list of task/suggestions. I grumbled at first about them - a meeting every day? Introduce my self and get numbers from other women at each meeting? Call her every day? Sheesh, but I'll do it. Again, my way wasn't working that's for sure. I still don't have much faith in myself that this time it will work - heck not sure how I can even get one weekend under my belt again. But willing to try

[Carol87]

But willing to try

That's a vital first step ... being willing!

Glad you found a sponsor ... I know I don't always like to follow suggestions ... but I find they do work!! Good luck ...

[CarolD]

Super!!

[REZ]

Willing to try--that's the key! Keep on being willing.

[collinsmi]

Do that stuff she suggested, as asinine and difficult as it may sometimes sound. Don't forget that it worked for her, wasn't she in the same boat as you 12 years ago? All those promisies of a better life (they're all through the book) are dependent on some kind of action (did this/got that).

[fraankie]

well, it works if your work it
and
to get a sponsor with 12 years
like, wow
'cause she can share with you so much that she has been thru
and
give you the right suggestions, in a way
that worked for her
when you she identifies with what you are going theru


best
fraankie

[hector]

Applause, (brdlvr)! I admire you! Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous. Sounds like you're taking advantage of a few coincidences! Go!

[finallygotit]

I wish they had told me these are the requirements not the suggestions. Unlike you I did not take all the suggestions and it took awhile for me to get this way of life. Getting a sponsor is one of those things that should be etched in stone. Good luck in all your adventures (good and bad) in this new and fulfilling way of life!

[brdlvr]

Thanks all. I called her last night as suggested and I'm still not sure/comfortable about why the need to call every day when I was only a weekend drinker, but I'll do it now especially in the beginning. It is kinda strange seeing her again after all these years (20) since we partied in high school.

[D4HAND]

Congratulations - you are on the right path. I had a temporary sponsor also.
Gave me time to know more people and watch their recovery. This was at my beginning. Sounds like you've already hit the nail on the head though!!

I was so desperate to get sober, I was willing to do anything I was told. And I do mean ANYTHING.
I had been in treatment for over 4 months - and knew this was my one and only shot. I have another drunk in me, but not another chance to get sober.

[fraankie]

keep it simple
just do as she suggests
a call everyday worked for me
and
it's not that big a deal

you can call
say "hi, goodbye"
and
your obligation is fulfilled
but
it is a way to have a little meeting during the day

hey, like, you are new to this
like, i was

consider
how many things in your life
did you have a clear understanding in a day, month, year
like a job, new boyfriend, friend, family,
ever try a puzzle with a thousand pieces
it takes a while just to turn all the pieces over
then you look for corner or straight edge peices
then.......................................

i shared at a group once
that everyone was a piece of a puzzle that put my heart back together

it takes time
go for it


best
ftaankie

[barb dwyer]

congratulations on the sponsor thing!

I was an only child, and by age 21, had buried both parents. They were both in their mid - to late forties when I was born. (Menopause baby)
(no pity, folks - just fact.)
Life on life's terms for me, then, from an early age, meant no family. And few friends. So, the concept of calling someone every time I had a problem making a decision was foreign to me to say the least.

Today -
My sponsor is twenty years younger than me.

Because of that, I've aquired several 'step sponsors' - individuals more my age who have shared or have similar experiences that my own sponsor knows she hasn't any clue about.
Like someone who remembers when black and white tv was all the rage!

<-- what we did when color tv came out! lol

Frankly, I think this is a wise woman. My sponsor - not the banana.

Our home group is such that, we all talk to each other most of the time anyway ... so going from one advisor to the other seems the most sacred way of doing it in this town.
The village raising the child sort of thing.

God puts us where we need to be, and puts who we need to know in our path.
I don't believe that any more - I know it.

I get a little uncomfortable when I hear about people feeling pressured to get a sponsor right away. I've seen it scare people off who, if given the room to get the feel of the way things run in AA, might not have been intimidated. I think newcomers should be given the tools, shown what to do - but should also be allowed the time and the space to let their own HP guide them in that kind of decision making. As long as they're not suicidal or in that kind of spiritual danger, that is.

Take it one day at a time, and you'll be amazed. Do what Make no plans. Because we cannot imagine anywhere NEAR the miraculous future that God has already put in motion for us.

[CarolD]

Thanks for sharing Barb...
Welcome to our AA Forum!

[CarolD]

D4HAND ...Welcome to our AA Forum!
Thanks fior sharing with us!

[michski]

[brdlvr]

I get a little uncomfortable when I hear about people feeling pressured to get a sponsor right away. I've seen it scare people off

Exactly what happened to me. When I came to AA after the first time ( a year and a half later), one of the first people came up and said to call her everyday and I need/have to do this and that. I left and didn't come back right away. After more drinking I knew I needed to follow the suggestions and am glad that it worked out (HP plan for me?) that I didnt' have to formally ask anyone - they reached out to me and this time - I accepted. ODAT

[collinsmi]

Yeah, that's the thing. I needed to be scared IN, not off, and the consequences of my drinking was the only thing that would do that. Even then..... I'd come in, get a sponsor, and he'd say something like "I want you to start getting phone numbers, one at every meeting", or "now it's time for a real 4th step". I wasn't getting scared off, by then scared was the last thing I was. I'd pass on the action and take my chances. There's no getting around doing the work, then or now.

[barb dwyer]

Originally Posted by collinsmi

Yeah, that's the thing. I needed to be scared IN, not off, and the consequences of my drinking was the only thing that would do that. Even then..... I'd come in, get a sponsor, and he'd say something like "I want you to start getting phone numbers, one at every meeting", or "now it's time for a real 4th step". I wasn't getting scared off, by then scared was the last thing I was. I'd pass on the action and take my chances. There's no getting around doing the work, then or now.

I'm discovering through these posts just how unique the 'homie group' here is.
When a newcomer comes in, a phone sheet is passed around while the first step meeting is going on, a male sheet if the newcomer is a guy or the women if she's a 'she' ...
** pause to re - read that last sentence **
(ok, that looks goofy but I'm gonna leave it)
then the moderator for the meeting gives it to the newcomer at the end of the meeting.
I also found out that the group here in Butte is the first AA established in Montana. It's a pretty tight group, something I particularly need to stay interested and committed. Don't blow me away with a lot of rules, let me get my bearings or I'm gonna spin right on back out the door.

**Nothing alcoholic in THAT mindset, huh?**

The other thing we do is, once we get a sponsor, our first job as newcomers is to greet all NEWER newcomers. It's based on the old "if you have only 5 minutes more sobriety than them, USE that 5 minutes to start your service" precept.
I think it all boils down to that "if you want what we've got, and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it" out of the 'how it works' dealie, but at the same time ... pressure is the LAST thing I personally needed when I walked back through the doors.
God knew that.
And saw to it that I was welcomed home first.
*shrug*

[KarenOskie]

Your group sounds wonderful! Maybe you'll find the family you've never had in them? Congratulations on getting in there and going for it. I feel a little pressured sometimes, too. My sponsor told me last night that now I not only have to call her every day but also another woman in the program. Just pick somebody on the list and call them. (My group gives everyone a phone list, too) Yikes! I'm a little scared of people, and she knows that. But I'll do it. I won't like it though. I just have to remember that my way didn't work, and if I say I'm willing to do whatever it takes that may include some things that sound stupid and pointless to me. My life is unmanageable. She didn't say I have to talk a long time, though. I may call and say, 'hey, I was just going out the door on the way to an appointment I can't be late for and thought I'd call someone I don't know and say 'hi'!' lol, no. I have to be honest, too. Dang, this seems so complicated sometimes. But it's SO much better than drinking. We can do it!

[collinsmi]

pressure is the LAST thing I personally needed when I walked back through the doors.

When I came in (last time), I was pressured in. I had to have a sponsor by a specific date. For about 3 months (up until that date), I looked for a sponsor but didn't get one. I'd hit a meeting every week or two, and consider various people in the meetings as potential sponsors. THis one talked too much, that one sounded a little crazy, etc... I was looking for a sponsor as opposed to getting one. I needed that extra nudge! THe day I finally got one, I prayed for help finding one that morning and went to a meeting. It worked out pretty good!

[barb dwyer]

[quote=KarenOskie]Your group sounds wonderful! Maybe you'll find the family you've never had in them? Congratulations on getting in there and going for it. I feel a little pressured sometimes, too. My sponsor told me last night that now I not only have to call her every day but also another woman in the program. Just pick somebody on the list and call them. (My group gives everyone a phone list, too) Yikes! I'm a little scared of people, and she knows that. But I'll do it. I won't like it though.

I think I like your sponsor.
It kinda boils down to the 'everything we did and knew before is what landed us here in the first place' thinking.
I mean -
Since doing what we wanted to do pretty much nearly got us killed ... what harm is doing what we DON'T want to do ... gonna do?

[Little Missy]

Congrats on getting a sponsor. I liked my sponsee to call me everyother day at least. The reason is to get to know each other. It is very difficult to pick up the phone when we are in need of help and ready to pick up that drink instead. This gets you use to doing it!! That phone can weigh a ton in times of crisis!!

Also, it gets us out of ourselves. You can always ask her how her day was going. These calls don't have to go on for hours. "Just calling to check in and see how things are going with you." She'll probably fall out of her seat!! LOL Or, it you have an issue, be sure to bring it up.

Congrats again!! It's a step in the right direction!!

[BTKelsey820]

that's great about getting a sponsor. i was very reluctant to do that and thought i could just stay sober on my own w/o doing the whole sponsor thing. i can tell you that i was getting extremely miserable and thought that sobriety sucked.

i can tell you this, when i got a sponsor and started doing the suggestions she said, i REALLY started to see a change in my whole outlook on sobriety. it did suck in the beginning...w/having to call EVERY day...but i can tell you...it's only to help you and not just her being a pain in your a$$. my sponsor did the same thing.

then w/in 2 wks of us working together and me calling her every day she went out of town for the wknd. and when she goes out of town, she goes out of town, as in not reachable. so her assignment to me was to call another sober woman off the phone list in the main meeting i went to. that phone seemed to be 100lbs, i tell you. i was so nervous to call another woman. i felt like she wasn't going to know who i was and all that. but you know, it didn't matter to her...all that mattered was that i was trying to stay sober and that i was calling her, helping her to stay sober too. having to call my sponsor everyday and having to call new people (that i did not know) in the meetings/program was one of the BEST things for me. now, just over 21 months sober, i can pick up the phone and call just about anyone and my phone is FULL of phone numbers of other sober women. what's amazing is if you start calling them, they start calling you. it's amazing how this whole program works.

like others have said, to get what your sponsor has, you have to do what she's done. even though they are only suggestions, they're to help you learn how to live ea day sober...there's nothing in this program that says it's going to feel comfortable, or that you're going to like it...but i can tell you...it DOES get easier the more you step out of your comfort zone.

keep coming back and best of luck to you working this wonderful program with your sponsor.