Topic: Do You Remember Where You Came From?

[aasharon90]

Hi, im Sharon and im an alcoholic.

We are all survivors! We are the ones
that lived long enough to be able to
let our HP save our lives. We manage
not to O.D., die of cirrhosis, die in a
car accident, die in jail, get shot, or
meet any of the other horrible ends
associated with our disease.

By the grace of our HP, we may never
have to live in that world again. If we
tend to forget where we came from,
let us visit the detox units of our local
hospitals. We will be reminded by ob-
serving victims of D.T.'s, brain damage,
and many other injuries resulting from
the abuse of mind-altering chemicals.


DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU CAME
FROM?

[Peter]

Do You Remember Where You Came From?

I always remain focused on the sheer horror of my last days of using. It is one of the most effective tools for helping me to stay sober.

I get fleeting thoughts every now and then of the "false glamour" that alcohol promises but I quickly dismiss those thoughts.

When I remember the pain of using I know within my heart there is no way I could ever go back.

[Grasshopper]

Yup i do remember where i came from,everytime that i share.My painful,past is a tool that is used to "try" and help others.
My past is no longer my driving forse today to stay sober,though.,today.My driving force is God,and this cool relationship that,we have.And through this relationship,im more out of ,selfish-self,and being servise to others.Its a joy today to ask,how may i serve,Thee?The hope,i see in others,drives me to continue on.What a different world today,tha what i lived in yerster-years.

[primarypurpose]

For thought, in regard to having to remember your last drink in order to stay sober:

'We are unable at times to bring into our consciousness with sufficent force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink' Big Book Page 24

'The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defence against the first drink. His defence must come from a Higher Power' Big Book Page 42

I found that regardless of the consequences of my drinking I could rationalise and justify the reasoning I created for picking up when the desire to drink overcame me. This is what is reffered to as the mental obsession:

'The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obession of every abnormal drinker' Big Book Page 30

This can manifest itself in a variety of forms, such as a trivial excuse based on our own logic or feeling vindicated due to our character defects coming to the fore

Although there certainly isnt anything adverse in remembering your last drink, I discovered that this alone is not a sufficent substitute for the self appraisal within the program or for a reliance on a Higher Power

[aasharon90]

Refreshing this topic if ud like to share ur own ESH here.

[chip]

Thanks for the great thread, Sharon.

I choose not to dwell on the past, yet I cannot shut the door on it. I'm thankful for where I am now, at this moment in time. Everything which has happened has brought me to right now. I know where I was, and I'm thankful that my HP saved me. I'm thankful that my HP has given me "right now".
chip

[o2bserene]

I am always aware of the yets in my life ... but my bottom was what got me to this place and for that I am grateful. I used to think that my problems weren't sufficent enough for me to have become the mess that I was. My lows weren't bad enough, I had too many good things happen to me... but when I got to AA, someone I admired told me that "your **** is your ****, it is what got you here ... you bought and paid for your seat, so sit in it and own it!"

We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well! Today I'll work on getting well!

Di

[Found]

I'm with O2B and Chip on this.
When I am sober it's because I remember the **** I caused for myself, I remember where the mud came from, for example, and whose space that could have been in (I don't know who). And if I am not sober it's because I choose to blank out some parts of that to give it false glamour.
That IS my HP at work and it IS reminding me of my character defects, I find all these things inseparable.
I'm only a newcomer (for the umpteenth time, and might not have any more chances to come) so I know I have to do more ... but I don't think that will be utterly different from the few steps I have taken so far

[CarolD]

O Found...

I'm only a newcomer

You are why I am here at SR and in meetings
and why I grow in recovery!

Thank you for allowing me the joy of helping!

[chip]

Hey Found,

What Carol said about "only being a newcomer".... I hope you know that you are important to us!!!!

We're all in the same boat. I don't think people really "move up" in status with recovery. I've only been sober since I got up this morning. By the grace of God, I've been this way for some days now, but it's only a collection of "todays". I'm a newcomer too....every hour that I stay sober is a miracle!

Thanks for helping me stay sober tonight!
chip

[aasharon90]

It seemed like yesterday when i first came
into AA via the back of a police car. I wasnt
ready to give up my drinking but my drinking
gave up on me. It literally stopped working
for me. I use to love to drink...and later i
had to drink. I needed to drink to cope. To
numb the feelings i didnt want to feel
anymore.

Anyway....today....im here....Just for
Today. Whatever happens today, i
have to make the best of it....I can't
turn back the clock and there's no
guarantees for tomorrow.

Chip is right about us all being in
the same boat....We learn from
each other.....if someone with a
day more sober than u..u ask him
how did he do it.....and from there
recovery continues on to the next
person and so on.

I didnt get where i am with a wave
of a wand. No, it hasnt always been
easy...i have to work at my recovery
everyday by sharing my own ESH
with others....that way I will never
forget where i came from....I dont
want to forget...and what i learned
from u guys and from rehab ...all the
tools and knowledge that has helped
me thru the yrs...i want to share
with u guys....its important to
PASS IT ON....how else will AA, NA
and other wonderful support group
survive?

I have today just like all of u do.....
nothing else matters to me today but
to remember where i came from and
NO i dont ever want to go back there
again.

The joy today is doing what i am called
to do in recovery...my soul purpose
today is the help the next person in
recovery by sharing what it was like
before during and after my drinking.
It helps me stay sober TODAY.

Before u know it u will have enough
" money in the bank" to draw on for
those rainy days.

[Taiman]

Yes, a nice professional neighbourhood in the suburbs of Toronto..seriously how can we forget?

[Chy]

Oh I remember and don't ever plan on forgetting it!

[aasharon90]

chy..thank u for sharing...would u like to
share where u were back then during that time
before intering recovery? We have lots of
newcomers that are coming here to read our
ESH for guidance, and encouragement.

Your words to me would be much appreciated. : )