Question about alternative recoveries & going back out

[prodigal]

I have been thinking about alternative ways to recover from alcoholism (not for me, but my husband). Hey, he may never recover, but I've been to open AA meetings; however, I have never encountered other meeting groups. Are there any out there in large cities? (There certainly isn't anything other than AA in this hick town I'm living in.) My husband is a "revolver" who goes into AA, gets sober, gets drunk, leaves AA, gets in trouble at work, goes back to AA ... blah, blah, blah. Me? I keep my side of the street clean and tend to my own business and issues.

For all I know, maybe the program isn't the right "fit" for him. He never said and I've never asked. He's been in three detox/rehab facilities and they haven't worked either, although the last one really came from more of a brain-chemical-health perspective than just working steps. I attended two family weekends and thought some of the info they gave me was pretty interesting.

All of you in recovery: You have to want sobriety bad enough, but I'm watching a guy who is extremely well educated and a meritoriously decorated Army officer many times over throw it out on a bottle of booze.

Well, I'd just appreciate a good, swift kick in the butt because I need a hardcore dose of reality: I'd appreciate it if someone could explain the workings of an addict's mind to a non-addict, at least from the perspective that someone is willing to toss everything out for the bottle. Or maybe I'm wrong. For all I know the addict may not even be aware that he or she is actually tossing out their life.

Just wanted some philosophies for my own edification.

[liveweyerd]

There are many other programs other than AA or NA. One shoe does not fit all people.
Others with more knowledge will be along to inform you of those other programs.
I have heard of SmartRecovery and RationalRecovery,,,,but am in NO position to advise or evaluate either of them or others.
hugs of hope to you!

[c'est la vie]

There is a sticky in the Alcoholism forum called "Links to Alternative recovery programs". You can read some info about these options and maybe share them with your husband. I believe though that no matter which program a person uses, the person MUST want the change and accept the fact that there is work to do to bring about the change.

I'm not incredibly educated about the strongest pulls of alcoholism, but I would guess that the person doesn't even realize he's throwing his life away. This is all he knows as life right now.

[Music]

Maybe you're trying to keep your side of the box clean, but you're also trying to help him clean up his side. IT'S A LOSING BATTLE, unless he wants to just in the box and do his part. I don't care where he goes, what he does, who he talks to, or what town it's in, if he keeps choosing to drink, he's going to keep getting drunk and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. So, consider yourself kicked in the butt.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. You'll have enough to do just accomplishing that.

[jlo34]

To understand an alcoholic or addicts mind is to enter a world full of obsession and the inability to control or stop those obsessions. When I was drinking, that's all I thought about. My mind revolved on when I was going to drink, where I was going to drink, how much I'd be able to get to drink, etc. My brain was absolutely obsessed. I couldn't think of anything until I was drinking. Then I'd start thinking about how could I get more.

People drink for all sorts of reasons...mine was escape. I wanted to feel good. I didn't want to feel the shame and anger I felt. I didn't want to feel the hopelessness and pain. The more I drank the less in control I was of dealing with how I felt. I didn't realize that. Soon, I was extremely suicidal and wnated nothing more than the pain of drinking to stop and the pain of life to stop. I was willing to do anything to do that...sobriety, after many attempts with AA finally, I succeeded. Now granted, I didn't have years and years of drinking behind me.

I began drinking at 15, introduced to AA at 16. Relapsed 6 months later, back to AA. Stayed dry for another 4ish months, drank for 2 months (while going to AA). Eventually things came together, ended up in treatment, and then I had a desire TO STOP. I BELIEVED and KNEW that I am an alcoholic.

Alcoholism takes away your life, AA gives back your life. However, all his trips to AA are not in vain. I guarantee you that he has learned things each time he has gone and that the seed has been planted. When his time for sobriety is right, he will do the work he needs to stay sober.

Throwing away our lives...yea, I remember that. I frankly didn't care. Drinking was more important. The legal system couldn't do anything to punish me as badly as the way I was already punishing myself. The only thing I feared was inadvertantly killing someone while driving. Thankfully, I didn't.

If you'd like to understand the disease of alcoholism better, read the Big Book. You might better understand us by reading that. Lots of great info.

I'd also suggest going to Al-Anon meetings. You can learn how to care for yourself and detach from the obsession of getting him better. I'm so grateful my mom went to Al-Anon.

Take care, God bless.
Jen

[BigSis]

Prodigal.... an addict told me once that I obsessed about my addicted daughter the way HE obsessed about drugs.

He toldme he thought MY obsession was a way to distance myself from my own issues. I said I thought he was an a$$... and from there, the conversation deteriorated.... grin.

Looking back, I hate to admit it... he may have had a valid point.

I wish you the best.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by prodigal

All of you in recovery: You have to want sobriety bad enough, but I'm watching a guy who is extremely well educated and a meritoriously decorated Army officer many times over throw it out on a bottle of booze.

... I'd appreciate it if someone could explain the workings of an addict's mind to a non-addict, at least from the perspective that someone is willing to toss everything out for the bottle.

Hi, Prod. My opinion (based on my own lived experience) is that NO program of recovery will work - AA or otherwise, until he is willing to WORK a program as if his life depends on it (which it does).

There is a good reason that we often get to AA from death's door - because we need to grasp onto it "as the drowning grasp a life preserver." Yes, a person can come into AA committed to change and change. But a program of recovery is HARD, not easy, so there must be some really big motivation.

His staying sober is between him and god, Prod. I wish there was a better answer, but there's just not.