What About Members With Long-Term Sobriety?

[Carol87]

Found in another group ...

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WHAT ABOUT MEMBERS WITH LONG-TERM SOBRIETY?

For all the good and right reasons, we pay a lot of attention to AA newcomers. They are the lifeblood of our fellowship, and tradition says they are the primary reason we have meetings. But what about members with long-term sobriety?

We're taught the seeds of relapse are found in attitudes that precede the actual picking up of that first drink. While these might be easier to spot with new people, they seem much more difficult to detect in our friends with long-term sobriety. Telling a new AA member to call us before picking up the first drink is excellent advice. But it almost never works for those who no longer have deep cravings for alcohol, because in a subtle, insidious way, they have entered into a private period (weeks, maybe even months) of irrational thinking about their lives, work, this program, loved ones, hobbies, the government or other drivers! In other words, a dangerous form of alcoholic insanity has emerged.

With nothing in its path to prevent it, drinking is the natural, instinctive reaction. Fortunately, we have ways to prevent this from happening. The bond of trust we establish between each other in AA is a powerful ally. If we confront those fellow members closest to us suspected of having difficulties, and if we do this with compassion and a willingness to listen and help in a true 12th Step Spirit, the outcome may be lifesaving.

Following is a checklist of relapse symptoms we can watch for - and help a troubled friend explore in a sort of short-form 4th and 5th Step process.

1. Exhaustion - Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually
associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.

2. Dishonesty - Begins with pattern of little lies; escalated to
self-delusion and making excuses for not doing what's called for.

3. Impatience - I want what I want NOW. Others aren't Impatience - I
want what I want NOW. Others aren't doing what I think they should or living the
way I know is right.

4. Argumentative - No point is too small or insignificant not to be
debated to the point of anger and submission.

5. Depression - All unreasonable, unaccountable despair should be
exposed and discussed, not repressed: what is the "exact nature" of those feelings?

6. Frustration - Controlled anger/resentment when things don't go
according to our plans. Lack of acceptance. See #3.

7. Self-pity - Feeling victimized, put-upon, used, unappreciated:
convinced we are being singled out for bad luck.

8. Cockiness - Got it made. Know all there is to know. Can go
anywhere, including frequent visits just to hangout at bars, carry out's, boozy
parties.

9. Complacency - Like #8, no longer sees value of daily program,
meetings, contact with other alcoholics, (especially sponsor!), feels healthy, on top
of the world, things are going well. Heck may even be cured!

10. Expecting too much of others - Why can't they read my mind? I've
changed, what's holding them up? If they just do what I know is best for
them? Leads to feeling misunderstood, unappreciated. See #6.

11. Letting up on disciplines - Allowing established habits of
recovery -meditations, prayer, spiritual reading, AA contact, daily inventory,
meetings - to slip out of our routines; allowing recovery to get boring and
no longer stimulating for growth. Why bother?!

12. Using mood-altering chemicals - May have a valid medical reason, but
misused to help avoid the real problems of impending alcoholic relapse.

13. Wanting too much - Setting unrealistic goals: not providing for
short-term successes; placing too much value on material success, not enough
on value of spiritual growth.

14. Forgetting gratitude - Because of several listed above, may lose
sight of the abundant blessings in our everyday lives: too focused on # 13.

15. "It can't happen to me." - Feeling immune; forgetting what we know
about the disease of alcoholism and its progressive nature.

16. Omnipotence - A combination of several attitudes listed above; leads
to ignoring danger signs, disregarding warnings and advice from fellow members.

Excerpted from Akron Intergroup News, December 1998

[CarolD]

BBL...on my way to a meeting!

Good to see you Carol

[CarolD]

Very usefu;...I do think it is impirant to
reach out.
Thanks..

[Islandchild]

Carol - What a great post. Even after 11 years of continuous sobriety, I sometimes feel that I don't quite "fit in". I know that is a very common characteristic of alcoholic thinking, so I try very hard to do what I need to do in spite of myseelf!! LOL!! I was thinking that maybe this was more a board for newcomers, but your post made me think that I am in the right place. Thanks so much!
Leslie

[jlo34]

Carol,
Thanks for that listing. I could've surely used that a year or two ago. I had all of those "signs and symptoms" and I nearly drank after 13 years sober. I am so grateful that I hadn't forgotten EVERYTHING I learned in AA. The things that really saved me...the fact that I continued going consistently to meetings, very honest at tables, knowing I was in trouble and reaching out, and my knowledge that my HP loves me.

I was able to see many miracles at work, thankfully. I nearly gave up everything though and there did come a time when only my HP could save me, and thankfully, He did.

Great reminder, may I always remember, today, that my sobriety is life and death. May I never forget it's importance and the tools I've learned in my sobriety. May I continiue to reach out to others and ask God for help and guidance.

Jen

[Sheryl85]

Originally Posted by jlo34

Carol,
Thanks for that listing. I could've surely used that a year or two ago. I had all of those "signs and symptoms" and I nearly drank after 13 years sober. I am so grateful that I hadn't forgotten EVERYTHING I learned in AA. The things that really saved me...the fact that I continued going consistently to meetings, very honest at tables, knowing I was in trouble and reaching out, and my knowledge that my HP loves me.

I was able to see many miracles at work, thankfully. I nearly gave up everything though and there did come a time when only my HP could save me, and thankfully, He did.

Great reminder, may I always remember, today, that my sobriety is life and death. May I never forget it's importance and the tools I've learned in my sobriety. May I continiue to reach out to others and ask God for help and guidance.

Jen

Jen, what I ought to do is put my name on your quote...

I hit that lucky year 13 and did the same darn thing. This program has been a lifesaver more than once for me. I wish I had had the benefit of reading that article before I endured all the pain that I did. Then again, maybe not, because who knows if I would have found the appreciation for the program and its people that I feel today.

For everyone who has ever suffered from the effects of the sting of complacency, what was written by Carol and Jen will seem all too familiar. I shudder to think what would have happened to me if my loving HP hadn’t intervened in my life and placed a suffering alcoholic/addict smack dab in the middle of my life to ask for my help. I was the one who benefited the most. (It’s a selfish program so I can say that.) Since that time I have been more vigilant to look at those subtle signs of insanity to re-emerge and to take the action and perform the maintenance necessary to keep it at bay for another day.

My prayer today is that we all have the blessings to safely emerge from that coldest, darkest, loneliest place on earth…stuck inside ourselves. I have found that in cases like that we are in the company of a potential murderer.

Thanks for the reminder...

[Chy]

Good info.. here's a few more.. I can't find my list of 37 but it's great to.


An essential part of the treatment process is the establishment of a relapse prevention plan. The plan should include the individuals in your life. Each person should be informed of the potential for relapse and their responsibility and appropriate action if you demonstrate early signs of relapse. The steps of relapse prevention planning are:

1. Stabilization: The first step in preventing relapse is stabilizing from the relapse that has just occurred or, if this is your first time in treatment, stabilizing your sobriety.

2. Assessment: If this is your first time in treatment, you need to assess whether you are ready for relapse prevention planning. Do you believe that you are really alcoholic and that you need to change your lifestyle? If you are not sure, you need to work on these issues before you are ready to develop a relapse prevention plan. You have to believe that you have a disease that is subject to relapse before you can do what is necessary to prevent that relapse. If you have relapsed previously, then you need to cooperate with your therapist to assess that relapse and other relapses you may have experienced to determine what contributed to the relapse process and what could have prevented it.

3. Education About the Relapse Process: You need to learn about recovery and relapse. You need to understand the sobriety-based symptoms and what it takes to manage those symptoms. You should review the 37 warning signs of relapse and learn to describe examples of the general process and specific symptoms.

4. Warning Sign Identification: Develop a list of warning signs or indications that you may be in risk of drinking. The warning list should be developed from past experiences with relapse warning signs. Try to identify at least ten specific and clear indicators that you are moving away from productive and comfortable living and beginning to set yourself up for relapse.

5. Review of Recovery Program: Recovery and relapse are opposite sides of the same coin. If you are not in the process of recovering, you are in the process of relapsing. A good recovery program is necessary to prevent relapse. Has your previous recovery program been working for you? How can it be improved? Develop a new recovery program based on what has worked for you and what has not worked for you in the past.

6. Inventory Training: Any successful recovery program involves daily inventory. AA Step 10 says, “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." The alcoholic must learn to challenge himself in his day-to-day living patterns. "Am I living up to my own standards and values? Are those standards and values realistic? Am I acknowledging my alcoholism and managing its symptoms? Am I attending to my overall health needs?" For a relapse prevention plan you should design a special inventory system that monitors the warning signs of potential relapse. Develop a way to incorporate this inventory system into the fabric of day-to-day living. The key issue is this: You now know the personal warning signs. How are you going to determine if any of these symptoms have been activated in your life?

7. Interruption of the Relapse Warning Signs: It is now important to establish new responses to the identified warning signs of relapse. Determine what you are going to do about each symptom when you are able to recognize that it is working in your life. And practice each new response until it becomes a habit. The response must be available in times of stress. Only habits are dependable in times of stress. You must practice in times of low stress until the response becomes a habit.

8. Involvement of Significant Others: Make a list of all the people with whom you have daily contact. Select from that list those people that you think would be important in helping you stay sober and avoid a relapse. Determine how each person has interacted with you in the past when you have shown symptoms of relapse. Has it been helpful or harmful to your sobriety? What could they have done that would have been more helpful to your staying sober? Now determine what you would like each of these people to do the next time symptoms of relapse are recognized. Bring the key people in your life together for a meeting. Explain to them your list of personal warning signs and form a contract with each support person as to what they will do when relapse symptoms are recognized and what they will do if you begin drinking.

9. Follow-up and Reinforcement: Recovery from alcoholism is a way of life. Since relapse prevention planning is part of the recovery, it too must become a way of life. Relapse prevention must be practiced until it becomes a habit. We are all enslaved by our habits. The only freedom we can find is to choose carefully the habits to which we allow ourselves to become enslaved.

For the recovering alcoholic, it is especially true that there is freedom in structure. It is only in the habit and structure of a daily sobriety program that the alcoholic can find freedom from enslavement to alcohol.

Relapse is a process. A process is different from an event. When an event has taken place, it is unchangeable. A process can be changed or interrupted at any time. It is ongoing; it is occurring; it is not fixed in time. To see a process as an event blocks change. Death is an event; grief is a process. To experience grief as an event locks you into grief as though it were the event of death.

Relapse is not an event; it is subject to change or interruption. Relapse begins long before the first drink. There are warning signs and symptoms that pave the way. These symptoms can act as early warning signals to alcoholics and their families. By understanding the process, unnecessary pain can be avoided. Proper action by alcoholics and the key people in their lives can prevent relapse or interrupt the relapse before the consequences become tragic.

Points to Remember:

1. Most people do not make it after the first attempt at sobriety.

2. People get drunk because they fail to do what is necessary to stay sober.

3. There are a variety of behavioural setups which make a return to drinking an alternative in spite of known consequences.

4. Relapse begins long before the first drink. There are 37 warning signs of relapse.

5. Proper action by you and the key people in your life can prevent or interrupt relapse before the consequences become tragic.

6. A relapse prevention plan is an important part of treatment.



St Joseph's Hospital

[miss communicat]

thanks so much! I am saving that. I could've used it before my relapse 3-4 years ago.

[paulmh]

See if you can't find your list of 37 too Chy, I feel like I could do with it.

Thanks everyone for the other information. It feels very appropriate just now.