12 Step worksheet

[mygirls_mylife]

I got these off of 12step.org, They are questions pertaining to the different steps. I am starting Step ONE questions here. I think it is an excellent worksheet and I was very happy to find it.

I have to go to work, but I am posting two questions and will return with my answers after I get off tonight. Feel free to work on them here or on your own. If they do not pertain to you.....skip. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Star

Step 1 - Admitted I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable

1) Have you seriously damaged your relationships with other people because of your addictive behaviors? If so, list the relationships and how you damaged them

2) If other people have told you how you have hurt them, then write down what they said

[mygirls_mylife]

(step one-question 1)
The one main relationship that I have damaged has been the one I am in now. My childrens' father and I are not married, yet we might as well be. I have hurt him so badly, I pray that we can get over it and move on. I cheated on him, not just once, it was an affair. His friend, to boot. It was almost 2 years ago, yet it is still fresh to him.

With my grandmother (adopted mother) I hurt and worried her countless times when I would leave and not come home that night, not call and not return until my hungover butt could face the world. She would always tell me"just call, I just wanna know you are all right, if you need me to come get you, I will". If ever there was a saint/angel it is her. With blatant disregard for her I would just leave her hanging.

As far as other relationships damaged by my behavior, I dont think there has been too many boyfriends that I have not cheated on...ya know, instant **** just add alcohol. One found out, most didnt.

One of my best friends was pregnant when we were all turning 21, I was party central and totally abandoned her. At the time she was dealing with an addict boyfriend and then her alcoholic best friend (me) bails on her too.

(Step One - question 2)

My husband has given me another chance but when all the poop was going down he told me that it was like I ripped his heart out and that I was a ***** and he almost couldnt stand to be around me. I was unfit to be mother to his children. It got pretty bad.

My g-mother was alway upset by the choices I was making and would always tell me that she wished I was not drinking so much. All the times I was in her house and disrespected her by not coming home/calling she would always just remind me that it was because she worried about me and wanted to know if I was safe. With her it wasn't so much words; it was a heavy sense of betrayal and disappointment.

The one x and I chatted one time about previous times and he let me know that I had really hurt him and that all I ever needed to do was be honest with him. If I was unhappy enough to cheat I should have realized before I actually made the move.

My best friend told me that she was lonely and hurt by my abandonment of her in her time of need.

WELL, that was 2 in depth questions that made me feel like crap yet excited at the same time because I am pulling my head out of the sand and TAKING ACTION.......

I will post two more tomorrow or later today when I get up :-)
People feel free to join in.

Star

[mygirls_mylife]

I am posting the next two questions and then pondering/napping, ya know whatever comes my way this hazy saturday morning.

(Step One - question 3)
Describe any missed appointments that resulted from your addictive behaviors

(Step One - question 4)
Describe any memory laspses where you can not account for where you were



WOOHOO! that 4 is a doozy!! that should take me a while.

[mygirls_mylife]

OK here goes.......
(Step one - question 3) missed appt's
I think that most of my missed appointments were proably school or work related. I can not pinpoint missing anything MAJOR in my life. Then again, I am missing HALF my life and that in itself is pretty major.

I was a happy student content to tread along getting drunk all the time. I went to classes and then work at night to make more money to go get more drunk, AGAIN.
With my classes I dropped my calculus a few times because my brain was not wanting to comprehend it, well einstein, who's would at an 8:30 am class when you are SUPER hungover IF I even made it at all. So yes I did have classes suffer from my addiction.

Work, I think is pretty much the same thing. Throughout most of my prime drinking years I worked at night. So most of the time I could make it by then. There were many times that I had to open a restaurant, making coffee in between trips to the bathroom to hurl my guts out ,or well, you know the other end.

Missed oppurtunities???? Maybe, but I wouldn't know. You know why?? Because I MISSED them.

(Step One - question 4) Memory lapses

I have been a black out drinker since I started drinking at 15. I think the blackouts started around 18 when I was into SOOOOO much more than just alcohol.

One of my biggest memory lapses and which should have cured me was when I was 21. After ending a torrid relationship, I proceeded up to the bar where the x worked. He was not working that night, but I wanted and needed comfort that I could receive there. I drank and drank and drank and then I drank some more.

Apparently, (this is all told me) I decided to give then guy who was well known for passing out in the bushes along US 1 a ride to the next watering hole. I don't believe I went in for drinks, but heck, who knows.

I woke up in jail, by myself. I did not know where I was, how I got there or why I got there. It was the worst feeling I have ever known in my life. I figured it was DUI but I did NOT know. I could have killed someone and I couldnt even remember a thing. The events of the previous night were told me on a piece of paper called a police report. It was probably the most embarassing thing I have ever read in my life.

Other times.... there has been to many to try and pinpoint but let me share that I have woken up numerous times with guys I did not know or even remember from the previous evening. How totally embarassing to try and cover your confusion. Many times I had to actually leave and drive around to get my bearrings to even know in what part of the city I was in.

The countless times I drove in complete blackout are astonishing. The most recent being coming home from the bar and swerving so badly all over the road that I hit a mailbox. I did not even remeber that until I checked my car and realized I was missing a mirror. Could have been a person.

Considering there have been so many lapses I am grateful that I never hurt anyone (physically) besides myself.

Thanks for letting me share,
Star

[mygirls_mylife]

I am going to go ahead and post a few more that I will answer tomorrow. This is helping me do what I need to do. TAKE ACTION. I hold myself accountable for answering at least two daily until I get to the fourth step (where I still am). Maybe at that point I will be ready to plunge in and MAKE MY LIST.


(Step one - question 5)
Describe times and ways you have neglected relationships with your loved ones in order to indulge in your addictive behaviors or because you were recuping from them

(Step One - question 6)
Describe any illnesses that have resulted from your addictive behaviors

(Step One - question 7)
If your addictive behavior contributed to excessive spending describe the situations and why you did it

[Zoei]

I just got done posting a reply and I have no idea where the ---- it went What I said was, I just now found you. I was lost when this was changed to the AA threads. So I'm already behind in the questions. I will get started tomorrow on the first two. I going out of town for a week, but will take my AA material with me and work on the next two. I'm not real good with computer stuff. Go slow please. I'll check in you tomorrow.

Big Hugs,
Judy

[mygirls_mylife]

(((((Judy))))) back atcha (that is a cyber hug for ya).

No problem, Judy, I have been needing to start on these I lok at them and go, man I want to do those. I need to be purged and cleansed. But I seriously lack motivation sometimes. Brutal honesty with yourself is also another reason people tend to slack on these steps.

Like the BB says, people who dont recover are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

Thank you for happening along at just the time I needed you.

Star

BTW if you dont want to post on here, I will understand if you want to work on them by yourself. If you want to private message me, feel free to do that also. Simply click on my name on a post and it will give you the options. Have a safe and sober trip.

[c'est la vie]

Star, I've just started the step work myself. These questions are great. Thanks for sharing them.

[mygirls_mylife]

Well, I have to work tonight, so there is no time like the present.

(Step one - question 5) Neglect in order to indulge
Oh yes, I believe I have neglected my loved ones in favor of that "happy hour" or as I like to tell my 5yo "me time". I told her we have you time all day it is time for mommy to have me time. Of course that was when I was having a cocktail or smoking a joint after dinner.
The biggest way I have neglected them has been in my depression and hangovers. I can remember them desperately vying for my attention but I was in bed sleeping. I let the 4yo watch the 1yo....nice. Battling a hangover one time with my 2yo watching me hurl my guts up was especially nice. The poor dear was so scared and I couldnt even get her out of the room. I crawled back to bed, literally and passed back out again. Or because I self induced myself to feel crappy I would be short and irritable with the girls when all they wanted to do was stinking COLOR.

A part of me wants also to put out here that to a small degree I may have neglected my husband as well. Because he would go out to the bars most of the time during the week, when he would actually come home after work, I was running out the door to go get a little more "me time" at the local pub myself. I probably could have stayed home to see how BOTH of us staying home in the evenings could be beneficial. I think our sex life suffered because I would stay up drinking long after he would go to bed.

(Step one - question 6) illnesses
Well right off the bat I could think of depression. I have always thought of myself as an optimistic and happy person. But I have come to the realization that my alcoholism has made me jaded and bitter with a splash of optimism garnished with sarcasm. What a treasure.

Sleep sleep sleep and more sleep. hangover/depression whatever you want to call it. IT IS NOT HEALTHY.

Also, I think chronic drinking has left my immune system in trouble. I usually catch whatever cold or flu blows my way.

I never got checked out when I first quit drinking so I have no idea if there was any organ damage or not.

The many puke/#2 fests that is common with a hangover had to have played hell on my stomach/intestines/colon, well anyways you get the picture, probably too much. LOL.

My brain was in a fog most of the time. Some people wouldnt classify this as illness - my brain is the greatest asset I have. I DO classify it as illness when my brain is not functioning 100%

(Step One - question 7) addict behavior = excessive spending
Luckily my addiction never went so far as crack/heroin or any of the really high cost drugs. So i never pawned all I had for a "fix".
However, I would spend my last $10 on 6 $1 drafts and a tip. I also dabbled with cocaine and most of the time I had a few drinks in me when the brilliant idea struck to get some. If I had $70 we were all good. $40 for the baggie and $25 for beer and $5 for smokes. Golden. WHY??? who knows - with cocaine I liked the way it made me analytical. I feel very blessed to not have that as an addiction as well.
I would spend my last $30 on a bottle of vodka, mixers and smokes. Man, hope the kids don;t get sick.
Buying the bar a round a shots usually was pretty lame-brained, too. JUST to do it, fit in show that I can etc.

Thanks,
Star

[mygirls_mylife]

Hello there, anyone still with me??? I am very grateful to have this site and wonderful compassionate people. I would probably not have started these questions yet and I have had them for almost a month now.

(Step One - question 8)
Describe times that you have withdrawn from social interaction and isolated yourself to an extreme degree and why

(Step One - question 9)
Describe incidents where you expressed inappropriate anger towards other people

(Step One - question 10)
Describe embarassing or humiliating incidents in your life. Wre they related to your addictive behaviors? If so, how were they related?

May answer tomorrow, may answer tonight when I get home from work.
Have a sober day!!!
Star

[Zoei]

What I've decided to do is to print out the questions and do them at my own pace. Cuz girlfriend you're fast. My brain is on slow mode. I'm a poor speller and can't type very fast. I'll hand write my answers while I'm gone Sounds like you my have sparked others interest in doing these steps on this board. Maybe they can keep up with you. I'll continue to print out the questions. I've read the first few steps and they do make you think, sometime about times you'd just like to forget. But I understand, that's the whole idea. I truly believe I've done a lot of damage to my brain. From using and drinking AND some serious falls on my head. Thanks for getting me started. I'll check back with you later.

Big Huga,
Judy

[mygirls_mylife]

Judy, thats fine, you can post at your own leisure. I am usually an all or nothing type person. When i get going I DO get going.

I have thought myself to be on the 4th step.
I KNOW that I am powerless over my addiction. I KNOW my life is unmanageable.
I do TRULY believe in that Power greater than myself and I KNOW that HE will help me.
I have turned my life over to God of my understanding. I have to remind myself sometimes, but I give it to Him.
These questions are nice because the first 3 steps came so easily for me that I really didnt stop and think about any of this. I mean, it was there in the back of my head, of course. Why else would I be where I am?
So Step four is waiting for me when I get done with these questions. :-)

Peace to all,
Star

[2dayzmuse]

I think step work is very important to our recovery. It helped to bring out my denial and point out that things aren't always the way I see them. For example: I was adamant that I wasn't hurting anyone but myself by drinking. I truly believed it, or wanted to believe it. My sponsor pointed out to me that that was not true and more or less was a very selfish idea I was holding onto. Of course, my drinking hurt my children, my friends and family, and co-works. They all were worried and concerned about me. Not to mention I inconvinienced their lives at times. Keep up the good work and sharing with others.

[Zoei]

I'll get back to you when I get home from our week in the peaceful mountains. I'm taking my AA materials with me. I have such a clouded up head right now, it's hard to think. But I thank you for your posts and we'll talk to you soon.

Big Hugs,
Judy

[mygirls_mylife]

Hi all! I hope my posting this is helping everybody as much as it is helping me. I think that these questions provide a huge insight to how we REALLY do affect more people with our alcoholism than we realize. It is very easy to say that the only person getting hurt is ourselves because the truth is to hard to face.

(Step One - question 8) - Self isolation
I think that I am a social person and thinking about this question I dont really see a habit of isolation. I never really cared what people thought of my drinking habits. I was not afraid to drink in front of people so isolating myself to drink didnt really occur to me. I just hung it all out.

I did experience a forced isolation and actually this is when my drinking spiralled (once again) out of control. When i got into trouble at the first of the year I lost my license. Not being able to drive anywhere I sat at home while my AH would go out and party. So i would self medicate. Of course, who wouldnt. There was a big old pity pot with my name right on it. Drink alone?? You betcha and LOTS of it. I almost skipped this question because I didnt feel it applied, but isolation is isolation.

(Step One - Question 9) inappropriate anger
Definitely.My biggest one is with my children. Theere, I said it...children. I need to remember that so often, they are just little babies. My anger teaches them that it is ok to get mad and yell over trivial stuff. How on earth was my 4yo (now 5) supposed to know momma had a hangover? All she wanted me to do was read or color or play a simple game that brings her so much joy. I got mad and yell because she wouldnt stop pestering me about it. God help me, what is my life coming to if I yell at her for that? What is that teaching her? To be honest, I still am guilty of that sometimes. I have to remind myself constantly that they did not choose to be here...I CHOSE to bring them here. A little courtesy and patience is definitley needed.
Or the times when I was trying my darndest to get drunk and she wasn't ready to go to bed. I would get mad and yell because I needed "my time".

With my husband I also treat him inappropriately. We hold a lot of pent up anger towards each other. Once I exploded on him, "Get the F out just leave. I cant stand to be around you. You are miserable and you have made me that way too". Our daughter was standing there the whole time. And the crappy mom/wife of the year award goes to.......
With my being so self absorbed in me and how I was feeling I made EVERYONE feel bad.

My mother has been on the receiving end from mentioning my drinking. OH goodness watch out. "I dont have a PROBLEM, whats the problem, I just drink at night. You dont understand my life." Many times when all she was doing was trying to show her concern for me and her grandbabies, I lashed out.

(Step One - question 10) - embarrasing moments
I thought long and hard about whether I really wanted to share these couple of stories here on a board for everyone to read. But I really couldnt think of anything more embarrasing than these. sooooooo here goes. There are so many embarrasing moments I would be here forever, but here are a select few.

I worked and played at a local bar. This was my home away from home. Ok, let me take that back, it WAS my home. My boss encouraged us drinking with our customers and boy, would I. Whenver I would have the chance to leave early, there I would remain at the bar. This one time the owner was tending and I was on a mission. There was a guy there that I knew from there. He was totally not my type yada yada. We started drinking chocalate martinis. All alcohol and delicious is a bad mix. I had on overalls and at one point the owner heard a moaning coming from my direction. He investigated and the guy had his hand down my overalls totally going there. Can I insert a big YECH here?!? Needless to say the owner never let me live it down he would bring it up periodically just to get me riled up.

Another time was the same bar same owner and different martinis I am sure. This time found me in the back of the restaurant, next to the dumpster, in the sprinklers with some joe. THIS incident became known as "the mud angels".

Drunk, naked and having sex in a car next to the beach. Instant humiliation just add the police officer.

My police report when I was 21 popped for a DUI. oh yeah pretty bad, My best friend thought it was the funniest thing he had ever read. I didn't agree.

So many things and they all involved my obsession with alcohol.

[mygirls_mylife]

More more!!!

(Step One - question 11)
Describe attempts that you have made in the past to control your addictive behaviors. How succesful have they been? Do these attempts show the powerlessness that you have over your addictive behaviors?

(Step One - question 12)
Do you feel any remorse from the ways that you have acted in your life? If so explain in detail.

(Step One - question 13)
Describe any irrational or crazy set of events that have happened since you began your addictive behavior. Did you rationalize this behavior? If so, in what way?

Time out for a Station Identification :-)
Thanks to SR for the space to post this. The actual questions came from 12step.org

Star

[scootinbabe]

these are great, mygirlsmylife! thank you for showing them to me. i have no real idea how to "work" the steps, so this will really get me started. i've bookmarked them.

way to go to you on your journey and to the courage to explore and post all this...

[c'est la vie]

mgml, I'm following these questions, but not writing anything. I've already written a hundred pages of stuff for step 1. I'm just reading and mentally refreshing my memory with each question. I'm waiting for step 4 to begin the real work. Thanks for sharing these.

[mygirls_mylife]

No problem C'est. Gettin there!!

[mygirls_mylife]

All right I slacked yesterday and I really dont feel like doing them today either, but here goes nothing.

(Step One - question 11) - controlling addiction
I never really tried to control my alcohol consumption. I never ever walked into a bar and said I am only gonna have two. I have woken up with the worst hangover in the world thinking I should be dead and saying Ohhhhh I am not gonna drink tonight....and I did anyways. I really never bothered quitting, I knew I had a problem and I really didn't care.

While I was pregnant I never got drunk but I would not go longer than a week without a drink either. I would usually have 2 good size glasses of wine. This was probably 2x a week.

Controlling my drinking was not my style, I was always ALL or NOTHING.

(Step One - question 12) - regretful of past
Oh yeah, who wouldn't regret being a big ole slu.t?

I think besides my sexual relations, I most regret my lack of ambition. I never went further or achieved more; I just co-existed. I had all these grandiouse ideas,wants and dreams. I never did CRAP. I just smoked and drank and talked about it. It's all very nice to drink a magnum of wine and get philosophical with your friends, BUT that is all I ever did....talk.

I also regret leaving behind religion for so long. I guess I felt guilty and chose the alcohol over God. I was running away from God, myself, true feelings and LIFE. Its like it was put on hold. I stopped growing at the time I succumbed to alcohol. I am 32 going on 16.

(Step one - question 13) - crazy set of events
I think I will go with the most recent set of events that set in motion my desire to stop the insanity. I just had to go out one night. I had to go out for "me time". My husband told me not to go out, but I did. I went to a restaurant/bar just in time for happy hour. Woohoo two for ones. I had 3 gin and tonics (6) and decided to go to another bar. When I got in my car I lit a bowl of weed that I had. Leaving the bar I ran a stop sign in my hurry to get to the next place. I got pulled over. The officer smelled the weed and got me out of the car. I told him where it was and where the bowl was. He asked if there was anything else in the car and I said no, believing this to be true. It turned out that my license was suspended so I was dug in deeper. When the other police officer searched my car he found some unmarked pills in my glove box. i honestly did not know they were there or what they were but at this point it didnt matter. They thought I was lying. I was arrested on a number of charges and taken to jail.

At the time we had let our house get too far behind in our mortgage and we had set it up for someone to assume payments for us until they sold the house so the day after my court date we were supposed to be moving out and heading to Kentucky to be near my husbands family. Needless to say that did not pan out after they put me on Drug offender probation for two years and I lost my license for the same amount of time. It totally screwed us up because my H was already up there, At this point we had nothing. We had lost our house and now our move was messed up because of my actions that night.

I did try to rationalize by saying well if I had not of smoked I would have been ok, or ya know it really wasnt my fault the pills were in there. The fact is I was drinking and driving, I was under the influence of drugs, I was driving without a license and had unmarked pills in my car. End of story. The explanation doesn't really matter now. I have to take responsibility for myself and my actions. I was lucky not to get a 2nd DUI out of the deal.