The Hole

[lightseeker]

God I hate "the hole". I am feeling it BIG time yesterday and today. The hole in me tells me that I don't matter and that what I need isn't significant. I have found a partner that tells me that really really well. Ok - now that I have that off of my chest I will try and be part of the solution.

Ordinarily, this is when I would say F**k it and get drunk. Instead, I am staying in the moment, called my sponsor, going to go to Yoga, going to a meeting. The next right thing? Taking care of myself I assume. Praying. Remembering that everything is as it should be.

Remembering that "live and let live" sometimes does mean not offing yourself or another person .

I am doing my best to walk through the pain and to remember that taking a drink is not going to do anything to make this situation better. I might not care for a bit but the situation is still here no matter what. Might as well not have a hang over to deal with it.

Thanks for letting me share.

[laurie6781]

Good morning Lightseeker.

Ah yes, I remember "The Hole" so well, big enough to drive an 18 wheeler through it.

I remember my sponsor suggested that I might try some volunteer work, I went HUH???? She suggested I volunteer doing something I like, maybe going to the local animal shelter and helping out, maybe walking the dogs up for adoption or playing with the kitties up for adoption. She suggested going to the local rescue mission and helping out, serving food, cooking, whatever was needed. She suggested checking out one or two of the Nursing Homes and asking the Nurse Supervisor who didn't get visitors anymore and go and visit with those folks.

I found that all the suggestions were great, and when I started doing them, "The Hole" maybe got just a wee bit smaller, and sure didn't hurt the way it had. Those things, in addition to continuing to learn about and work the 12 steps is what eventually filled the hole.

Hang in there Light, we are rooting for you and we do care.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[Little Missy]

Hugs to you!! Yep, stay in the solution. That's something I have to remind myself of!!

[Phinneas]

Oh yes! That HOLE is awful, isn't it? I learned in AA that my hole was god-sized and, while I didn't really get it at first, it helped put it into perspective. No one and no thing was ever going to fill that hole except a spiritual sense of self and relationship to my HP. Nothing external works - I proved that to myself over and over and over and OVER again.

Good on you for walking THROUGH these feelings. That's how it works and (YES) it does get better. Keep reaching out here and f2f, k? We're cheering for you!

[CarolD]

I just got off the phone with a newcomer.
I think she helped me more than I helped her.

Get some phone numbers and use them.

Bless you for sharing..

[paulmh]

Thanks for sharing lightseeker.

People who know me in the fellowship keep reminding me of tolerance, acceptance, gratitude. Today Fraankie posted something which got me thinking about what a fabulous summer I'd had and that really, I could be more grateful about it. Every time I go and look in the secular forum I have to practise tolerance. And reading you is reminding me of all the times when I felt off balance, off key, off kilter, and how much of a relief it was to practise acceptance, to just resign myself to "this is how I feel today". Not fighting.

And in my home group this week, a friend of mine shared how important it was for her to "give Time, time". I loved that!

[fraankie]

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

Chapter 1
I walk down a street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost…I am am hopeless
It isn’t my fault
It takes forever to find a way out

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don’t see it
I fall in again
I can’t believe I’m in the same place
But, it isn’t my fault
It still takes a long time to get out

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in…it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

Chapter 5
I walk down another street




best
fraankie

[Islandchild]

Thanks for sharing. It has been said that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It's that way with drinking. Everytime I walk through a painful situation or time in my life without drinking, the end result is that my faith is stronger, and I am better able to cope with "life on life's terms". I have heard it said so often: "There is nothing in life that is so bad that drinking won't make worse." When we walk through the pain, we get to the other side. If we choose to drink, the pain returns, is worse, and never, ever gets better.
There is always a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Even with pain.
Take care!
Leslie

[jlo34]

Light,
I hope you are feeling that HOLE getting smaller and your spiritual cup is getting more full. I keep going to lots and lots of meetings to keep that spiritual cup FULL!!! I'm an alcoholic, which translates to an addict (of anything). I'm addicted to feeling good - even spiritually!!! I like to have my spiritual cup full.

You mentioned that your partner says what a piece of beauty (not crap) you are? If you have a partner that is loving and sees your beauty - GREAT. If not, dump him/her!!! You don't need anyone telling you that you are anything less than a wonderful person. The only partner you need right now (if marriage or serious commitment is not involved) is that of your Higher Power, in my opinion. Your Higher Power will provide you with every tool you will need and teach you how to use them all. If yours doesn't, use mine.

Prayers that you will find your beauty, courage, and continued strength and bless you with an abundance of people in your life who will help you realize that,
Jen