Feel stupid about going back to meetings - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

brdlvr · 08-10-2006, 10:51 AM

I have a question/dilemma of sorts. I still haven't made it a week sober. This past week, I made it 6 days - so that's an improvment, but still not 100 percent over drinking. I have not gone back to AA this time as I feel foolish, like everybody will think, why does she bother coming if she "isn't ready" or why bother trying to talk to her if she is "not committed to sobriety" Do you know what I mean? I know I should go back, but then I feel maybe I should wait until I get a week or two under my belt - to make sure I am ready (which I think I am, but by not even getting through a weekend yet - maybe I'm not?)

thx
Brdlvr

REZ · 08-10-2006, 10:57 AM

Don't worry about it--Go! I think I had been drinking earlier in the day when I went to my first AA meeting. I've gone to lots of meeting where you can smell the alcohol on someone's breath. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. If people had to be sober for a particular time period before they could go, almost no one would ever get started in AA. If you keep going, hopefully the message will sink in, and you'll become ready.

c'est la vie · 08-10-2006, 11:16 AM

I felt stupid going back too, like everyone was going to laugh at my effort to try controlling my drinking. It wasn't the case at all. You should certainly go and try to listen and talk to others. You clearly have the desire to stop drinking.

You should also look at the thread asking if anyone has ever been drunk at a meeting. I think it's in the "Alcoholism" forum. You'll see lots of folks that couldn't get time under their belt before going.

**CarolD** · 08-10-2006, 12:09 PM

I was attending AA regularly for 5 years
before I earned a 1 year medallion.

I kept going to the same home group
not once was I treated with scorn.

AA is like a classroom for sobriety.
The more you go the quicker you learn...

Blessings..

FallGirl · 08-10-2006, 12:23 PM

I'm in the same boat. I know I should go back (it's been two years since I've gone) and I feel ashamed. I'm only on my 3rd day of sobriety, and I feel like I should wait a couple weeks before going..... I think I'm just procrastinating.

Stay Strong!

FallGirl

fraankie · 08-10-2006, 12:58 PM

just go
feelings are not facts
as my sponsor used to say
so
if you go back for sobriety
that's all you need

best
fraankie

collinsmi · 08-10-2006, 01:09 PM

How do you "get ready"? How do you get "committed to sobriety" if not by going to meetings? I'll bet the meetings you go to are full of people who had the same problems you're facing now.

sloane2468 · 08-10-2006, 01:19 PM

Go back, this is when you need it the most. You are being way too hard on yourself, sobriety doesn't happen over night. People that have been sober for sometimes 18 years or 20 years have a relapse. You wouldnt jump on someone else in your place would you? You would want to help them get sober and stay sober right? so give that helping hand to yourself, you deserve it.

michski · 08-10-2006, 01:21 PM

I also walked in and out of my homegroup for 10 years before I got my one year chip! I walked in drunk. I walked in after an all nighter and cried through the whole meeting... I skinked I stumbled I pretended I was invisible. Every time I was welcomed and supported. I think I made coffee for the group 3 or 4 times before I could get a year! They kept telling me to keep coming back and that's what I did until I did become ready to STOP bending my elbow.

Congratulations on your decision to change your life for the better.. it'll all happen when you finally decide to give making good choices for yourself a chance

Shakur · 08-10-2006, 01:53 PM

Hi,

I would merely reiterate what has been already said on this thread. The only membership requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. Even the desire for that desire is a kind of "desire to stop drinking". I tried to get sober for many years, like everyone else, and went to more than one meeting under the influence. No one ever spit on me, or called the police. "Welcome. Please keep coming." Those were the words I heard. I think that we alcoholics can be our own worst enemies. We judge ourselves, and then imagine that other people are doing the judging. No one else cares about 99 percent of the stuff that goes through my head, so why should I?

Be Well,
Joe

jmhs002 · 08-10-2006, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brdlvr

I have a question/dilemma of sorts. I still haven't made it a week sober. This past week, I made it 6 days - so that's an improvment, but still not 100 percent over drinking. I have not gone back to AA this time as I feel foolish, like everybody will think, why does she bother coming if she "isn't ready" or why bother trying to talk to her if she is "not committed to sobriety" Do you know what I mean? I know I should go back, but then I feel maybe I should wait until I get a week or two under my belt - to make sure I am ready (which I think I am, but by not even getting through a weekend yet - maybe I'm not?)

thx
Brdlvr

So, what is your plan B? Thought so.

Go back to the meetings. Take action. Change your life.
JMHS

Edmundo30 · 08-11-2006, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brdlvr

I have a question/dilemma of sorts. I still haven't made it a week sober. This past week, I made it 6 days - so that's an improvment, but still not 100 percent over drinking. I have not gone back to AA this time as I feel foolish, like everybody will think, why does she bother coming if she "isn't ready" or why bother trying to talk to her if she is "not committed to sobriety" Do you know what I mean? I know I should go back, but then I feel maybe I should wait until I get a week or two under my belt - to make sure I am ready (which I think I am, but by not even getting through a weekend yet - maybe I'm not?)

thx
Brdlvr

The fear of dying from an all night binge coupled with DWI near arrests wasnt necessarily what scared me into coming to an AA meeting. That was the easy part. The real pain and torture of waking up every morning with no alcohol in my body, and realizing that I was still alive when I truly wanted to be dead was what drove me to the point of near insanity. Before coming to AA meetings, I would never have thought about writing suicide letters because I always had a bottle of vodka or what not to go to..

Coming to meetings was cake...getting into the process of the 12 steps was something I thought I was too good to do even after all the hellish things I have put myself and others through..I was so arrogant to believe I was only hurting myself. But I was asked by someone who loved me enough to tell me the truth and not worry about whether they were gonna hurt my feelings, but ONE question...

"Are you an alcoholic?" they asked me..and when i said "um yeah im powerless over people places and things" they laughed at me..because they knew that I KNEW I had not a clue what was wrong with me...

The man who sat down with me and spent approx an hour a day reading the Big Book to me began to do something to me..I began to change..I began to become a different person almost dramatically..

I didn't recover because of the meetings I made, I recovered because of the steps I took...and I was guided through all 12 of them..The thought of drinking has not returned since, I am a better man, I have a prestigious job, my own apartment, a beautiful healthy non alcoholic girlfriend, got my credit cleaned up, paid off my irs debts, and other stuff...

Before I could receive all those beautiful things God gave me, I had to get down to the one true thing that was preventing me from attaining my true potential..And that was this deadly fatal disease called alcoholism...

If you wanna go to a meeting for a good reason go to find someone to help you work the steps to find out if youre alcoholic once and for all..

***Time2Surrender*** · 08-11-2006, 12:29 AM

You are by no means the first to be in your shoes. If so, the rooms would be empty. It took me 7 years to get one year. But I got it. I kept coming back. I am coming up on 15 months. And in my case, people talked. Who cares. I am there for me. Today peple look up to me. I work the steps. I dont just talk recovery, I walk it. So can you. Keep going to your meetings. If you have to feel humiated because you are struggling, thats part of recovery. Just please dont leave before the miracle happens. Recovery is a life long journey. But, its so worth it.

brdlvr · 08-11-2006, 06:13 AM

Thanks all for your advice. Glad to hear that alot of you, heck seems most, didn't get it right away. I guess now I know what I have to do - go back through the doors and keep coming back

Brdlvr

Grasshopper · 08-11-2006, 06:14 AM

Yup,know what you mean.Have heard it from other alkies myself.Thing is that this is about 'YOUR',recovery.Get with the folks who dont have a time-table on when ,they think,that,you should,get it.....it takes what it takes......Be willing to go to any and all lenghts for your soberiety.Regardless.The folks who make comments as you have mentioned,please keep in mind,those folks simply forgot where they came from.Pray for those who hurt you,and keep ,on keeping on!!!!!
Alcoholics Anonymous.Are you alcoholic?If so,go to meetings,where there is fellowship,and solutions.
God Bless,

Peace Out · 08-11-2006, 10:16 AM

This is not the 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd time in ten years or so that I am "starting over" - 43 days today, one day at a time...

I too know what you mean about the head trips with returning to meetings, word for word! Everyone here is right, keep coming back, please!

It's like something I read quite awhile ago somewhere, from a woman who had big problem with shame, needed help to deal with her shame, but was too ashamed to ask for help...that was me too -

Some quotes from Melody Beattie's book (The Language of Letting Go) that
help me:
"Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet...
Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague."

"There is nothing as invigorating as getting back on track. Going to a meeting can accomplish that."

and the thought for today, August 11th:
"Let healing energy flow through your body...Attract it. Accept it. Let it soak in. Breathe in the golden light. Exhale. Let go of fear, anger, hurt, doubt. Let healing energy flow to you, through you. It is yours for the asking, for the believing."

Peace Out

fraankie · 08-11-2006, 03:55 PM

something else
the group changes
if you haven't been there in
let's say
6 months
there's a different chairperson, secretary, etc
and
also
the people attending
some have moved
some have different schedules
etc
and
others have replaced them
so
you will be, essentially
the new kid on the block

best
fraankie

Edmundo30 · 08-11-2006, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brdlvr

Thanks all for your advice. Glad to hear that alot of you, heck seems most, didn't get it right away. I guess now I know what I have to do - go back through the doors and keep coming back

Brdlvr

you would truly stop feeling the way you feel if youd work the steps..

TexasDawn · 08-12-2006, 07:13 AM

We should never feel ashamed for going back; it takes such courage and strength. You are headed in the right direction. We are all works in progress. Besides, it seems to me like MANY people have to try to quit drinking several times before they finally get it right. And then you also have those people who are in AA for a long time and have YEARS of sobriety who sometimes relapse. I would think that it would be even harder for them to go back to AA and be honest about their relapse. Everyone is going through their own struggles so you are not alone.

Also, when you admit your difficulties in a meeting, you never know who else might be benefitted from hearing it. There may be someone else there struggling with the same thing as you, and when you share your trials in a meeting, then they can relate to you and no longer feel alone and isolated like they are the only one.

brdlvr · 08-14-2006, 06:46 AM

I have to do something. I am so lost right now. Seems I can't get back on track. Blew it again this weekend and not liking myself right now at all. I guess I have to just get real - and go back to the meetings - lots of them

paulmh · 08-14-2006, 07:45 AM

((Brdlvr))

I dunno if you're a hen or a ****, but have a hug anyway.

brdlvr · 08-14-2006, 08:53 AM

LOL - I'm a hen. Thanks

08-10-2006, 10:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
brdlvr Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: maryland Posts: 108	Feel stupid about going back to meetings I have a question/dilemma of sorts. I still haven't made it a week sober. This past week, I made it 6 days - so that's an improvment, but still not 100 percent over drinking. I have not gone back to AA this time as I feel foolish, like everybody will think, why does she bother coming if she "isn't ready" or why bother trying to talk to her if she is "not committed to sobriety" Do you know what I mean? I know I should go back, but then I feel maybe I should wait until I get a week or two under my belt - to make sure I am ready (which I think I am, but by not even getting through a weekend yet - maybe I'm not?) thx Brdlvr

08-10-2006, 12:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 16,037	I was attending AA regularly for 5 years before I earned a 1 year medallion. I kept going to the same home group not once was I treated with scorn. AA is like a classroom for sobriety. The more you go the quicker you learn... Blessings.. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

08-10-2006, 01:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
collinsmi Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Springs CO Posts: 771	How do you "get ready"? How do you get "committed to sobriety" if not by going to meetings? I'll bet the meetings you go to are full of people who had the same problems you're facing now. __________________ "I was violating my standards faster than I could lower them!"

08-10-2006, 01:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
sloane2468 Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Nevada Posts: 41	Go back, this is when you need it the most. You are being way too hard on yourself, sobriety doesn't happen over night. People that have been sober for sometimes 18 years or 20 years have a relapse. You wouldnt jump on someone else in your place would you? You would want to help them get sober and stay sober right? so give that helping hand to yourself, you deserve it. __________________ ~The invisible people, the ones we walk by every day, the ones we some time become~

08-10-2006, 01:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
michski Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California Posts: 977	I also walked in and out of my homegroup for 10 years before I got my one year chip! I walked in drunk. I walked in after an all nighter and cried through the whole meeting... I skinked I stumbled I pretended I was invisible. Every time I was welcomed and supported. I think I made coffee for the group 3 or 4 times before I could get a year! They kept telling me to keep coming back and that's what I did until I did become ready to STOP bending my elbow. Congratulations on your decision to change your life for the better.. it'll all happen when you finally decide to give making good choices for yourself a chance __________________ Fake it til you make it!

08-10-2006, 10:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
REZ Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chapel Hill, NC Posts: 1,056	Don't worry about it--Go! I think I had been drinking earlier in the day when I went to my first AA meeting. I've gone to lots of meeting where you can smell the alcohol on someone's breath. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. If people had to be sober for a particular time period before they could go, almost no one would ever get started in AA. If you keep going, hopefully the message will sink in, and you'll become ready.

08-10-2006, 11:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
c'est la vie Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in a better place Posts: 1,397	I felt stupid going back too, like everyone was going to laugh at my effort to try controlling my drinking. It wasn't the case at all. You should certainly go and try to listen and talk to others. You clearly have the desire to stop drinking. You should also look at the thread asking if anyone has ever been drunk at a meeting. I think it's in the "Alcoholism" forum. You'll see lots of folks that couldn't get time under their belt before going.

08-10-2006, 12:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
FallGirl Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Seattle, Washington Posts: 118	I'm in the same boat. I know I should go back (it's been two years since I've gone) and I feel ashamed. I'm only on my 3rd day of sobriety, and I feel like I should wait a couple weeks before going..... I think I'm just procrastinating. Stay Strong! FallGirl

08-10-2006, 12:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
fraankie Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 1,402	just go feelings are not facts as my sponsor used to say so if you go back for sobriety that's all you need best fraankie

08-10-2006, 01:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
Shakur Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Northern New Jersey Posts: 36	Hi, I would merely reiterate what has been already said on this thread. The only membership requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. Even the desire for that desire is a kind of "desire to stop drinking". I tried to get sober for many years, like everyone else, and went to more than one meeting under the influence. No one ever spit on me, or called the police. "Welcome. Please keep coming." Those were the words I heard. I think that we alcoholics can be our own worst enemies. We judge ourselves, and then imagine that other people are doing the judging. No one else cares about 99 percent of the stuff that goes through my head, so why should I? Be Well, Joe __________________ There is no fire like greed, No crime like hatred, No sorrow like separation, No sickness like hunger of heart, And no joy like the joy of freedom. -Dhammapada

08-11-2006, 12:29 AM	#13 (permalink)
*Time2Surrender* Community Greeter Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Hillsboro,Oregon and St Johns US Virgin Islands Posts: 7,073 Blog Entries: 3	You are by no means the first to be in your shoes. If so, the rooms would be empty. It took me 7 years to get one year. But I got it. I kept coming back. I am coming up on 15 months. And in my case, people talked. Who cares. I am there for me. Today peple look up to me. I work the steps. I dont just talk recovery, I walk it. So can you. Keep going to your meetings. If you have to feel humiated because you are struggling, thats part of recovery. Just please dont leave before the miracle happens. Recovery is a life long journey. But, its so worth it. __________________ "Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams, Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along Cause everytime I hear that song...

08-11-2006, 06:13 AM	#14 (permalink)
brdlvr Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: maryland Posts: 108	Thanks all for your advice. Glad to hear that alot of you, heck seems most, didn't get it right away. I guess now I know what I have to do - go back through the doors and keep coming back Brdlvr

08-11-2006, 06:14 AM	#15 (permalink)
Grasshopper Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Green,green grass of home Posts: 602	Yup,know what you mean.Have heard it from other alkies myself.Thing is that this is about 'YOUR',recovery.Get with the folks who dont have a time-table on when ,they think,that,you should,get it.....it takes what it takes......Be willing to go to any and all lenghts for your soberiety.Regardless.The folks who make comments as you have mentioned,please keep in mind,those folks simply forgot where they came from.Pray for those who hurt you,and keep ,on keeping on!!!!! Alcoholics Anonymous.Are you alcoholic?If so,go to meetings,where there is fellowship,and solutions. God Bless,

08-11-2006, 10:16 AM	#16 (permalink)
Peace Out Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Northern CA Posts: 32	This is not the 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd time in ten years or so that I am "starting over" - 43 days today, one day at a time... I too know what you mean about the head trips with returning to meetings, word for word! Everyone here is right, keep coming back, please! It's like something I read quite awhile ago somewhere, from a woman who had big problem with shame, needed help to deal with her shame, but was too ashamed to ask for help...that was me too - Some quotes from Melody Beattie's book (The Language of Letting Go) that help me: "Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet... Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague." "There is nothing as invigorating as getting back on track. Going to a meeting can accomplish that." and the thought for today, August 11th: "Let healing energy flow through your body...Attract it. Accept it. Let it soak in. Breathe in the golden light. Exhale. Let go of fear, anger, hurt, doubt. Let healing energy flow to you, through you. It is yours for the asking, for the believing." Peace Out

08-11-2006, 03:55 PM	#17 (permalink)
fraankie Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 1,402	something else the group changes if you haven't been there in let's say 6 months there's a different chairperson, secretary, etc and also the people attending some have moved some have different schedules etc and others have replaced them so you will be, essentially the new kid on the block best fraankie

08-12-2006, 07:13 AM	#19 (permalink)
TexasDawn Naps are good. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 181	We should never feel ashamed for going back; it takes such courage and strength. You are headed in the right direction. We are all works in progress. Besides, it seems to me like MANY people have to try to quit drinking several times before they finally get it right. And then you also have those people who are in AA for a long time and have YEARS of sobriety who sometimes relapse. I would think that it would be even harder for them to go back to AA and be honest about their relapse. Everyone is going through their own struggles so you are not alone. Also, when you admit your difficulties in a meeting, you never know who else might be benefitted from hearing it. There may be someone else there struggling with the same thing as you, and when you share your trials in a meeting, then they can relate to you and no longer feel alone and isolated like they are the only one. __________________ I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust. ~Psalm 91:2 Texas Dawn

08-14-2006, 06:46 AM	#20 (permalink)
brdlvr Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: maryland Posts: 108	I have to do something. I am so lost right now. Seems I can't get back on track. Blew it again this weekend and not liking myself right now at all. I guess I have to just get real - and go back to the meetings - lots of them

08-14-2006, 07:45 AM	#21 (permalink)
paulmh Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: UK Posts: 1,077	((Brdlvr)) I dunno if you're a hen or a ***, but have a hug anyway. __________________ It all works. It IS simple Miss C*

08-14-2006, 08:53 AM	#22 (permalink)
brdlvr Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: maryland Posts: 108	LOL - I'm a hen. Thanks