new to forum, mother an addict....

[newo]

Hello all,

My mother and stepfather are heroin addicts, i know this forum was for alcoholics adult children, but i didnt know where else to discuss this, so my apologies beforehand.
Anyways my stepdad has been a heroin addict for 5 yrs plus and just last year i discovered my mother was too. im 19 so i still live with my parents. 2 months ago they sold the house they have since blown all the money leaving us with very little to buy another, i told my mom she needed help and she finally agreed to only go to a detox center for only a week. this angered me she didnt go to a month long rehab but she came out and claims that she is clean even though my stepdad isnt.

it still looks like there are track marks on her arms, she says theyre scars from old track marks and that im crazy. her and my stepdad both havent worked in years they are both on disability for hep C. so income is minimal, my twin brothers are 17 and have both spun out of control, dropping outof school and not working because of lack of family/parental support.

i am in college and working full time, i fear that my relationship with my mother is going to at some point make me mentally unstable. my brothers need help to but i feel like i cant help them alone. im thinking about moving out but id have to sell my car as well as other things to get rid of other payments i have in order to make rent. i seriously dont know what i should do .....sorry if this doesnt make any sense.

[upanddownjj]

It doesn't matter whether it is alcohol or drugs...Get yourself to a Nar-anon meeting or an ACOA meeting if that's all there is in your area..Naranon is for Families of Addicts...
It really is crazy making living in a home with addiction...We need to get help because it makes us sick too...we can't help anybody else until we help ourselves...
Why don't you check out the Naranon Forum here???
There will be lots of people there who have been in your place.

I grew up with an Alcoholic mother...It is SOOO painful..But remember, underneaththe addiction which they are powerless over...They do love you to the best of their ability...

Hugs Janni

[ismchanger]

Wow, I really feel for you and am really glad you're trying to seek some advice and help!

First things first - you need to take care of you, then your brothers, and lastly your folks. It ought to be the reverse, with your mom taking care of her kids, but addicts of any substance are terribly self-centered and irresponsible. My gut feeling is do not quit school or your job in order to "help" your folks. You will not be able to make them accept help or act on their addiction problems until they are ready. That may be years from now, and it may get very ugly by then. I say this because most family members don't anticipate a prolonged struggle. It may happen miraculously too, but that is more the exception than the rule.

As far as your mental health I can totally understand what you are saying. You have as much as you can handle on your plate already. I am sure you must love your mom or you wouldn't be here, but as hard as it sounds you may have to "divorce" your folks, at least emotionally, at least until they begin in recovery. I know that sounds kinda ridiculous, but I tell you the truth, as long as you struggle with their addiction you will be the one that gets worn out.
You will need serenity inside your self to get through all of this, and as long as you allow them to drag you on an emotional roller coaster you will not achieve that.

I can't tell from this entry, but if you are able to stay there and remain sane and safe, then don't put yourself into a really risky financial position. But if it comes down to poverty or insanity, I'll take poverty every time.

Where I live there is a phone number 211 that will get you connected to social services that focus on family and mental health and addiction assistance. Here's a link, although I don't know if this exists in your area: http://www.infolinkoc.org/press/latimes-May2005.pdf

You can probably find meetings of AlAnon to help you with your issues. Your brothers may need to go to AlaTeen groups. It sounds like they need real serious help from responsible adults. Do you have any family in the area that can lend a hand? How about a church organization, pastor or rabbi? Do you have any kind of spiritual life? It's really important to grab onto God and hold on tight during times like this. Do you pray? You might consider trying it if you don't. If you don't know how you can start out by finding a peaceful place to focus on your prayers, and just ask God or your Higher Power to help you have wisdom, serenity and love in your mind and heart this day, and repeat it whenever you get really stressed. The AA Serenity Prayer is "God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!"

You also might consider contacting your local Council on Alcohol and Drug Abuse for assistance.

Good luck, and I will pray for you tonight.

[Done_With_It]

Hey Newo,

I wanted to welcome you to SR!

Man, you've got a lot of weight on your shoulders. I'm sorry your going through so much.
I wanted to also let you know of another forum that will be a lot of help for you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/nar-anon/

I'm glad you are here sweetie. More will be around soon.

[katie6]

Welcome! I'm not a huge poster around here, but everytime I come here I get exactly what I need: people who will listen to me and understand me. I always feel comforted here. My parents are addicts as well, a different DOC than yours, but I just wanted to let you know that this forum isn't just for children of alcoholics.

Congratulations on being in school! It sounds like you do have a lot on your plate with your homelife, but you are also making some great steps for your own good. Going to school and working are two great things you can do for yourself. They give you something else to concentrate on, and a way to get out of the house. I know when I was still living with my parents I would do anything I could do be out of the house.

It's so so hard to accept that nothing you do will change their behavior. ANd your brothers either. They have their own choices to make. Take care of you.