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Old 01-19-2006, 04:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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You Make Me Sick!

Does anyone else get physically sick when your around the alcoholic? Like you start shaking, you get a bad headache and you can't breathe and your stomach hurts to the point to go to the bathroom and you Feel like throwing up? How do you deal with it? How did you stop letting that happen?

that's how i feel the moment my dad talks to me because I know... nothing good comes out of it. It's always a setup for him to critize me about something. I hate it i hate it so much, it's so hard to just keep quiet. He has been doing it to me for about 3 days now. He asks me to give him a ride knowing I am going to say no.. then says something else.. so i can blow up on him. I haven't yet.. I have told him off but i am gettin frustrated because I don't want to go on a screaming rampage on him. It's only going to have a excuse for him to fight wiht my mom and say his BS about that we want the alcoholic him back (he didn't leave in the first place). Whatever.. i know he drinks when he's not home, when we're not home... plus he is still buying beer for his "friends". I know what he is doing when he talks to me... I hate it. Gosh... My mom isn't home, she's at a bball game for my sister. She knows what he did just jow because i called her. It's so stupid. He was giving me attitude because I put gas in the car when we have "no money" (yea but he can go shell out $400 on glasses he doesn't even use)... its like what the hell you expect me to do? wait until he does it? I had to and i didn't have money to buy lunch. My car was practially at full and he went to put gas anyways. He got back went to my room and he said "nice lunch" and laughed. i told him to "cut it out and stop bothering me... just because you get some sick pleasure out of all this... leave me alone, i don't like talking to you and the moment you talk to me i get pissed off.".. he then said "i was just saying... " and i cut him off and told him "I had to chose to either eat and not have gas to get home or have gas to get home and eat until I get home... don't critize me about my choices, they are my choices, I put gas already. what do you want me to do? take the gas out so you can go put some in? I have allot of homework, I'm tired, I'm busy, I don't have time for this to hear you talk S*** (yes i said this) or bother me or give you rides, leave me alone don't bother me, i don't like talking to you, don't talk to me, let it go, you don't gain anything from this so stop" and walked away. Gosh.. I feel so sick to my sotmach because i hate being around him. Always ******* on me about the stupidest S****. (sorry.. about the lingo). On Tues. I had to fax paperwork that he forgot for his taxes. He was yelling at me and saying I don't know anything. Excuse me... I am suppose to know how to use your fax machine because I fax ish all the time & i am suppose to know what you need for your taxes. Last night he kept asking me to call 411 for him.... what is so hard for him to call 411? He was sitting in the other room talking to his friends. Then he told me not to give him an attitude I told him what else do you expect? Your asking me to do favors that you can easily do yourself, but your too lazy to do it. And he said if it was such a big deal he'll pay me? And i told him " pay me with what? Who the hell do you think i am? Paying me isn't going to change anything. It doesn't change the fact that your taking valuable time away from my stuides and my homework that demands every minute of my free time. You dont stay up until 12:30-1 doing homework and studying for exams then get up at 5:30 to leave, you don't have to pick up my siblings because my mom works. You don't have to work around mom's Schedule. YOu don't spend two hours trying to get home from picking my slibings up. You don't have to do literally 7 hours a homework per day. You dont go to school 6 days a week. You don't have 4 hour classes. You don't have research papers, term papers do. You don't do anything, that is why i am giving you an attitude and that is why i am impacient and that is why i get mad when you ask me something because It's not my priority and it's not important". I gave him a ear full he just shut up. I feel better that i told him my 2 cents. I blew off a little steam. He made me feel sick anyways though.

I know alcoholics are dependant on others.. it just that that is no excuse for him to act like a 5... no 3.. year old.

My insight: I realize how resourceful I am on myself. I already realized that I act more like a responsible parent than my dad will ever be.I also realized that my dad pisses me off way too much, I know i am going to have serious health problems if I don't get control.
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Old 01-19-2006, 06:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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i hear you. i dont know if this helps for you but this has helped for me.

having literature on me, esp around alcoholics because it can still be a trigger after having being raised by people thwarted with this illness.

i find that having an ice pack (not as easy to carry around) to place on my chest has quelled that fiery rage that feels like its going to engulf the earth. at least a bit.

even despite all the joy peace and fulfillment in my life, this illness is IN ME as well as the alcoholic and i find i can only take so much time with them. nurses and social workers dont work 24/7 for a reason.

keeping my recovery regular, regular readings, regular meetings esp, regular breathing, regular prayer and meditation. thats what helps me.

one thing i had to learn was to stop expecting normal, sane responses from a sick person, that they are ill not just a bastard. the illness makes them that way. and it makes me a mess too. most of all be gentle on myself and take it one breath, one minute at a time, one day at a time.

peace
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Old 01-19-2006, 08:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My ex-husband used to know when I was on the phone w/ my alcoholic family based on how long it took me to get to the bathroom after I hung up (vomiting and other stuff). A few times I even got sick during the phone calls. I can't think of what helped me other than distance and time (mostly distance). I had to not call them other than holidays and I never saw them. My mom has since died, but I still stay away from other family members that are sick. I came to the conclusion that no one but me would take care of me, and I had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to deal with it since I'm an adult. It was hard, but I really enjoyed not getting ill anymore.
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Old 01-19-2006, 09:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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When I'm around the alcoholic (mother) I have a creepy, kind of uneasy, gross, give me the willies kind of feeling. I feel very uncomfortable around her and feel so weird when we hug. I always am on a downer after a conversation with her. I can only spend so much time with her before I begin to go nuts. I now know that I will need to do something to brighten my mood (walk, crafts, listen to up beat music) after I am with her or the darkness stays with me for a while. I guess it's more emotional more than physical, although I know I've had a few major headaches after talking to her. I'll never forget what it felt like once I moved out of her house. I realized that life didn't have to always be depressing or angry or just plain bad. I realized that it was ok to be happy and enjoy life (although I did feel guilty about that at first).

But I will say that getting to know others who feel the same has helped me to not feel so guilty about it. I am so glad to find a place where I can be honest about how I feel without getting blasted.
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Old 01-20-2006, 01:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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When I’m talking with my alcoholic parents, I find myself just naturally zoning off, not listening to a word they’re saying; and they walk away eventually. That is fine with me. The times that I get sick around them are from watching them talk to OTHER people. Omg I just want to die, it’s so embarrassing! Everything that the topic revolves around, they seem to make it revolve around them. Whenever someone brings up an accomplishment of mine, with them, they always take the credit! I don’t understand it! -_-

But yeah, I usually leave, take a walk, and I feel better. Even if I end up getting lost on my walks lol.
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Old 01-20-2006, 10:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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i used to feel really ugh when id stay with my mum or my family, a lot of that was deep shame, and embarrasment at them as well though this was all in my subconscious. i didnt believe i was not responsible to protect them, to save them, to make them happier, to make them realise that they dont have to be so miserable or emotionally dead or just have no faith in themselves or their dreams. i was avoiding looking within where i finally did and found resentments and disapointments but mostly shame and frozen grief that they couldnt be healthy and loving enough as i needed and wanted as a child and beyond.

recovery has helped a lot but even today i can not tolerate too much time because their illness, the effects of alcoholism on my family has made for some big dysfunctional pfaff, drama and plain bullshite that counteract all the healthy behaviours im trying to embrace. i go armed with love, patience, recovery literature and the responsibility over me and me alone.
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Old 01-24-2006, 11:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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flower....you took the words right out of my mouth. I completely relate to the darkness after leaving my mom. On sunday when I went to pick my dog up from her house to bring him to our new house, I had to sit in the driveway with my hands on my eyes and just cry. There is a definite darkness that stays with me for a while after I leave my mom. I am slowly learning ways to change that.

As for the feeling that you are having Preciouz....it sounds like a panic attack. I have those too and for years I wouldn't be able to stop them. I would get to the point that I would sick. I would run for the bathroom. A great way I have learned to stop them is, when you feel the heat coming on and you are starting to get nauseous.....leave, walk to another room, step outside and take a few deep calming breaths. You might want to look into getting a relaxation tape/cd. It will teach you how to calm yourself down.
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Old 01-24-2006, 01:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Oh do I ever! My mother has been sober 26 years. She lives 4 hours away. When she comes to visit, I get depressed, sick and miserable. The Alchoholic behavior is still there with the controlling, and you don't love me bit.
I bite my lip most of the time. I do respect her. I have had to tell her that I am now a grandmother! I don't need to be treated like a 2 year old.
I do try to have a good relationship with her, and love her very much. I am still working on the getting sick when she comes over thing. It's hard. I hate having to talk to her in a way I feel is disrespectful. Oh well, if I don't she will walk all over me.
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