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|11-28-2005, 04:29 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Burlington, VT
I hope I am posting this in the right spot. I am a crazy cat lady who spends a lot of time on a Cat forum and they have a spot to introduce yourself...didn't see one here.
I am 26 and from Burlington, VT. My parents are both alcoholics. While they both drink, my mother worries me the most. The time I went home to visit prior to Thanksgiving I asked her how her cutting back on drinking was going and she said it could be better. I voiced my concern and she went on her rant of how she had such a horrible life and her mother drank etc etc. I told her I was worried for her health and she said it didn't matter because she can't bear to live without my father so she needs to make sure she dies before him. so she is trying to drink herself to death. about a year ago she was inaccurately diagnosed with this fatal disease. She confessed to me, while telling me all of this other stuff, that when the doctor told her she was terminaly ill she felt relief. She said she doesn't have anything else to live for. she knows my sister and I will be fine.
Other than working, sleeping, eating, drinking, smoking, and watching TV she has no life. My dad bought her this huge 5,000 dollar flat screen tv for her birthday which is great because now all she is does is sit in front of it and chain smoke and drink. She has no energy to do anything. I think grocery shopping once a week is the most exercise she gets and when she is done with that her legs and back hurt. Her belly is all swollen like she is 9 months pregnant. She is on a medication that requires her to get her liver tested every so often and she keeps saying that her liver function is perfectly fine. She told me that once she gets told that something is off that she will quit drinking then.
Just from the little reading I did here I am seeing that confronting her about it can just make it worse so I feel pretty helpless. From what I understand one can only change if they want to. I know this but sometimes I just can't fight the urge to say something to her.
My grandmother died from cirhosis and I see the pattern happening in my mother. It is so scary and sad to watch. My sister doesn't really seem to care although I am sure she does to a degree.
There is much more I can say but I will leave it at this for now. Thank you all for listening.
|11-28-2005, 04:40 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2002
Alcoholism is a family disease. As you pointed out your Grandmother died from cirrhosis. You are right, it is scary to watch.
As far as saying something to her it is only a problem when you become overly invested in her listening. Say all you want but know that it will likely be ignored. My son is an alcoholic and I can't resist sliding one once in a while either. But in my heart I know he is going to do what he is going to do.
You mention confronting her? I can't say it will make it worse but it also won't make it any better. Basically she will stop when it hurts to much to continue.
Make yourself at home...you crazy cat lady! Me? Dogs all the way!
The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer
|12-03-2005, 07:45 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2003
That doesn't mean that I can't want things, or have dreams, or any other goal-related scenario.
I just can't invest myself in any particular outcome of those wants, dreams or goals.
Heya Kris...glad you're here.
|12-03-2005, 08:01 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
I had a neighbor who was a self admitted alcoholic, who, as he put it, drank 24 x 7. His belly turned into a basketball, as he destroyed his liver (he was otherwise a normally proportioned man). He didn't last long after that.
Your mother is very clear about what she is trying to do - kill herself, and why. I sure hope you are getting counselling and support to deal with this terrible situation. Get professional guidance and support for yourself.
|12-04-2005, 10:04 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Freak, no Leash
Join Date: Nov 2005
Hi manitu and welcome!
My father died in 1994 from a cerrebral hemmorage brought on by a grand mal seizure, and I'm sure years of drinking. I was 24 at the time, and he was a drunk from the time I was able to form a memory so he had at least 20 years of drinking under his belt though I'm sure it was much, much longer. Recently I was fairly shocked at the frequency my mom was draining bottles of peach schnapps, and vanilla rum.. and drinking them straight up, on the rocks. My mom is 67 years old. For a while, I spoke to her about her drinking so much, and as I understand my sister did too, as mom was doing it while visiting sis at her home. I figure, at her age, her liver probably doesn't want anything to do with that much straight booze.
For a while it bothered me a great deal, but as Gabe said, I distanced myself from it. She's my mom, and I love her, but I will not waste my time or breath telling her something she already knows, especially after watching and living through what alcohol did to her family. ChoosingJoy is correct also - you need to take that focus off of your mom and put it on yourself. It doesn't mean that you don't care about her or that you're selfish, and if anyone tries to make you believe that, tell them to stuff it.
As ACoA, we're often times 'fixers'... we concern ourselves with making others whole when we're operating as broken shards. It's a bad habit. You're most likely not going to be able to stop your mom from being self destructive, but you can take preventive actions to make sure that you're OK. I hope you do just that.
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