Family support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

mamasgirl1 · 06-03-2005, 05:07 PM

I took the time lastnight/this morning to sit down and email everyoe in my family to let them know I had been diagnosed with a problem. I also got enough courage up to tell every family memeber something that I felt helped bring me to where I was at. For instance my father. He was never there as a father, he never had time for me. He was too buy out impressing other people. I let him know that all of mu life all I wanted was to have a dad one that cared enough to just call and say hi. Thinking I was doing something good for me, finally standing up for myself he backfired with I wasnt the best daughter and it isnt fait to say I had alcholic patents when it was only my mother, I embarrassed him. If I didnt hate him before I sure do now. All I wanted to do was to let everyone know I could beat this and I will beat this, and the worse part is I didnt say anytihng negative just stated I needed a father. Oh well taught me to keep my mouth closed!

jcw1964 · 06-03-2005, 07:02 PM

mamasgirl
I am not sure if you did the right thing. If you did it for you, then my understanding is that you did the right thing and now have to let your dad deal with his feelings. He may be defensive because he knows you are right and would rather point the finger at you than look at himself. If you did it to get back at him or some other reason then you may be wrong and should make amends. Only you can determine that.
Good luck
Jeff

JT · 06-03-2005, 07:34 PM

Yeah I was holding off posting here. Sending a mass e-mail about your "diagnosis", considering what you perceive it to be may not have been the smoothest move. However you look at it, it "outs" your parents.

My program, my recovery, my hearbreaks, dysfunctions and nightmares are mine. Not for the extended family. If I choose to confront my father it is one on one and I will probably not like his response.

But live and learn right?

Hugs,
JT

jcw1964 · 06-03-2005, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JT

Yeah I was holding off posting here. Sending a mass e-mail about your "diagnosis", considering what you perceive it to be may not have been the smoothest move. However you look at it, it "outs" your parents.

My program, my recovery, my hearbreaks, dysfunctions and nightmares are mine. Not for the extended family. If I choose to confront my father it is one on one and I will probably not like his response.

But live and learn right?

Hugs,
JT

Good thought JT.

Mamasgirl,
If you did make a mistake, it isnt the first and it wont be the last. We have all made mistakes. I have a hard time keeping my boundaries in place. when I move them and it bites me in the #$%. I no longer beat my self up for an extended period of time. I am human and I make mistakes. I learn from them and move on. I make amends and get on with life.
There are so many times that I had good intentions and a good message but poor delivery.
Follow your heart and be honest with yourself.
Jeff

jennybear35 · 06-04-2005, 10:50 AM

Hi mamasgirl. When I was little my father would sit there and berate me in front of the whole family, yell obscenities at my mother and so on. They would all (grandmother, aunts, uncles, etc) sit there and do nothing. In my mind they were a part of the dysfunction as well. Is this what happened in your family? Maybe subconciously you are saying it to all of them who witnessed or knew there was a problem. They should have read that e-mail then because some adult should have stepped in and said something so they are all responsible in some way for not protecting the little ones. It takes a village and I think your 'village' should have heard it and your father has to face the truth. Just my two cents. I hope you're feeling ok about this. Jennybear

mamasgirl1 · 06-04-2005, 09:47 PM

Thank you Jennybear, JT and Jeff.
That isnt how my family was, my dad walked out hwen I was 8 anda bout 10 is when my mother became an alcholic. And to answer your question Jeff, I did it for me, I needed to know that maybe somewhere inside of me I gained a little bit of gumpsion for who I was. I stopped sugar coating life for people and finally for once told them the truth. I guess to an extent I expected negative feedback, and I also knew they wouldnt be the ones to help me. I talked to my mother the other day and finally told her what my shrink said. I believe in my 28 years thus far that was the hardest thing to do, she blamed herself. I let her know however it wasnt her it was the disese that she carried around, and now I will get the help I need and recover, and I will be a stronger person and better mother too!!

jcw1964 · 06-05-2005, 10:36 AM

[QUOTE=mamasgirl1]And to answer your question Jeff, I did it for me, QUOTE]

Great. No one but you knows your true motives. In my book, as long as you are honest with yourself and you do things for yourself. You cant go wrong. Maybe confrontation individually would have been better and more productive but who knows. Maybe would have been the same thing.
I have found great strength in being able to search my motives and see that I am doing the "next right thing".
When I have the right motives, I have confidence that I am in the right place and going in the right direction.
Good luck and keep coming back.
Jeff

06-03-2005, 05:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
mamasgirl1 Yeah Yeah it's me again Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: EAFB AK Posts: 9	Family support I took the time lastnight/this morning to sit down and email everyoe in my family to let them know I had been diagnosed with a problem. I also got enough courage up to tell every family memeber something that I felt helped bring me to where I was at. For instance my father. He was never there as a father, he never had time for me. He was too buy out impressing other people. I let him know that all of mu life all I wanted was to have a dad one that cared enough to just call and say hi. Thinking I was doing something good for me, finally standing up for myself he backfired with I wasnt the best daughter and it isnt fait to say I had alcholic patents when it was only my mother, I embarrassed him. If I didnt hate him before I sure do now. All I wanted to do was to let everyone know I could beat this and I will beat this, and the worse part is I didnt say anytihng negative just stated I needed a father. Oh well taught me to keep my mouth closed! __________________ If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. Carrie Anne

06-03-2005, 07:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
jcw1964 Let go and let God Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: illinois Posts: 116	mamasgirl I am not sure if you did the right thing. If you did it for you, then my understanding is that you did the right thing and now have to let your dad deal with his feelings. He may be defensive because he knows you are right and would rather point the finger at you than look at himself. If you did it to get back at him or some other reason then you may be wrong and should make amends. Only you can determine that. Good luck Jeff __________________ It is not important how short life is but how long eternity is!!!!

06-03-2005, 07:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
JT Supply Manager Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Cleaverville Posts: 2,899	Yeah I was holding off posting here. Sending a mass e-mail about your "diagnosis", considering what you perceive it to be may not have been the smoothest move. However you look at it, it "outs" your parents. My program, my recovery, my hearbreaks, dysfunctions and nightmares are mine. Not for the extended family. If I choose to confront my father it is one on one and I will probably not like his response. But live and learn right? Hugs, JT __________________ The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer

06-04-2005, 09:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
mamasgirl1 Yeah Yeah it's me again Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: EAFB AK Posts: 9	Thank you Jennybear, JT and Jeff. That isnt how my family was, my dad walked out hwen I was 8 anda bout 10 is when my mother became an alcholic. And to answer your question Jeff, I did it for me, I needed to know that maybe somewhere inside of me I gained a little bit of gumpsion for who I was. I stopped sugar coating life for people and finally for once told them the truth. I guess to an extent I expected negative feedback, and I also knew they wouldnt be the ones to help me. I talked to my mother the other day and finally told her what my shrink said. I believe in my 28 years thus far that was the hardest thing to do, she blamed herself. I let her know however it wasnt her it was the disese that she carried around, and now I will get the help I need and recover, and I will be a stronger person and better mother too!! __________________ If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. Carrie Anne

06-05-2005, 10:36 AM	#7 (permalink)
jcw1964 Let go and let God Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: illinois Posts: 116	[QUOTE=mamasgirl1]And to answer your question Jeff, I did it for me, QUOTE] Great. No one but you knows your true motives. In my book, as long as you are honest with yourself and you do things for yourself. You cant go wrong. Maybe confrontation individually would have been better and more productive but who knows. Maybe would have been the same thing. I have found great strength in being able to search my motives and see that I am doing the "next right thing". When I have the right motives, I have confidence that I am in the right place and going in the right direction. Good luck and keep coming back. Jeff __________________ It is not important how short life is but how long eternity is!!!!

06-04-2005, 10:50 AM	#5 (permalink)
jennybear35 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Radcliff, Kentucky Posts: 9	Hi mamasgirl. When I was little my father would sit there and berate me in front of the whole family, yell obscenities at my mother and so on. They would all (grandmother, aunts, uncles, etc) sit there and do nothing. In my mind they were a part of the dysfunction as well. Is this what happened in your family? Maybe subconciously you are saying it to all of them who witnessed or knew there was a problem. They should have read that e-mail then because some adult should have stepped in and said something so they are all responsible in some way for not protecting the little ones. It takes a village and I think your 'village' should have heard it and your father has to face the truth. Just my two cents. I hope you're feeling ok about this. Jennybear

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