tufty13

Anyone else find it hard to laugh?

I remember as a young teenager being aghast when everyone in the cinema was rolling in the isles at Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther.

I was sad and confused that my friends were letting rip great belly laughs whilst the corners of my own mouth wouldn't offer me up the slightest glimmer of comedic appreciation.

I've always found it hard to find the humour in some things, I think I was 13 when I first saw that film, I'm 52 now and nothing has changed.

I went to a comedy club last night and just got anxious that everyone could, and did laugh whilst I had a face like a slapped ar*e. I looked miserable and I probably was miserable. I got lost in thoughts of "why doesn't this even make me smile"

And then I just got sad, sad because I couldn't get happy and it's better to feel something than nothing. Right?

In the Complete ACoA Sorce Book by Janet Woititz, there's a section about ACoA's not knowing how to have fun.

Anyone else find this or is it just me?

I know I get depressed, my therapist tells me I've always been depressed and I just don't know any other way.

Ps, there are some things I laugh at, usually I take the p*ss out of myself but it's not impossible to chortle every now and then.

Kialua

I wrote something similar to this a while ago. When I watch tv or movies, I have a hard time getting it as I am always sizing up the "real" situation and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I miss the whole show and am dumbfounded at how it turned out, not at all as I was dreading. You can read that thread here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-triggers.html

Thanks for bringing this up, I decided to add my other posts to my blog here. I think this is an important topic

tufty13

Hi Kialua,

I'd forgotten I never "get" what's happening in films. I'd never before thought this may be a trait of an ACoA, but your description of waiting for the other shoe to drop is perfect!

Thank you.

DesertEyes

Well yeah, I don't care for any portrayal of a drunk as being funny. I _know_ what it is like to be the child of a drunk parent and there is nothing funny about it.

I've given up on those. Most of the "humor" is not that good to begin with, there's a lot of foul language, derogatory comments about minorities, sarcasm about addiction, etc. Those comedians sound just like my drunken father, there's no way I'm going to find that entertaining.

I don't know about that. I think it's better to feel nothing than to feel something negative.

I think that is a completely different concept. Being unable to have fun is _way_ different than having wisdom and knowing that a lot of "comedy" is just not funny at all.

When I first got into recovery I had a really hard time having fun. In my case it was not depression, it was simply that I had spent all my time being on edge, constantly on the lookout for danger. Worrying about what harm my parents might have gotten into, were going to get into, were going to visit upon us kids, and on and on. It's not that I had problems having fun, I was just still on "high alert" and had no _time_ for fun.

Once I started to recognize that I was _not_ in danger 24x7 I was able to "lower the volume" on my "emergency systems" and begin to find healthier things to do with mind. I took a juggling class, because I had wanted to run away with the circus and become a clown when I was child. I took a guitar class, and a photography class. I bought a small potted flower for my apartment so I could learn botany.

It took me awhile but little by little I found hobbies that were fun, and I actually enjoyed them. I never did run away with the circus, and I discovered that I have _no_ skill at raising plants, but I did ok with the photography.

* do not ask about the guitar, or the singing lessons. My singing is _so_ bad I think that is what kept killing the flowers *

Mike
p.s. By the way, is today your sobriety birthday? If so, then congratulations, that is awesome

Kialua

I still have a hard time making hobbies fun. Just can't bring myself to have fun doing a hobby. Not that I don't have hobbies, I do art, have done all sorts of fine art, sewing, cooking. But I don't look at it as time to have fun.

tufty13

Ditto :-(

tufty13

What a fantastic post. Thank you Desert Eyes.

You have a better understanding than me of what it is to be an ACoA. And you are probably describing me and my feelings and troubles better than I did.

I'm sorry for how things were for you, I feel I can empathise although I was blessed to have only one sick parent.

Not my sober birthday, in the UK we swap the days and months round.

Thanks again for posting!

Ps, how did the singing and guitar lessons go for you?

schnappi99

I've never understood the Pink Panther/Peter Sellers thing either, I'd far rather watch the classic Pink Panther animated intros of whatever they are than the movies themselves... the wife & I went to a John Oliver show stand-up show a couple years ago- she loved it and to me it was just more of the John Oliver show without the clever writing or anything funny. His content was civil- nothing derogatory about anyone.

For my money turning off the bad and feeling nothing means one also turns off the good. I felt a whole lot worse the 1st 6-8 months in Alanon, going thru my 4th step writing. I recall several nights where all I could journal about is the blank mute depression.

DesertEyes

ty, and also ty for the lovely compliments

oooooh, I get it now.

* self <= stands on his head so he can see the days and months swapped over into USA form *

ummm..... well..... you see .....

The lessons were wonderful. I signed up with some of the best instructors in the country and received several years of classical music instruction. They were wonderful people and really did to their best to teach me.

After all that and I _still_ can't read music, and can't sing to save my life. Not even in the shower I did come away with a deep understanding of music, and the talent and dedication it takes for _other_ people to be good at it. It also helped immensily in overcoming my ACoA-induced shyness.

Mike