Tenngirl

Recently my family had an intervention on our mom. We sat down with an interventionist and said what needed to be said and my mom agreed to go to treatment. She spent 3 weeks there and told us she was doing so good they allowed her to leave one week early. I don't buy that as it was a 30 day program. She has been out since Friday and is now playing the blame game. She is so mad about us doing the intervention and her going to inpatient treatment. She has hurt my family so much. I would never talk to her if I didn't call her. I'm so tired of always being the giver and never receiving. We were so hopeful during her treatment, she seems to be doing so good. Now it's like it was all just pretend. I just feel so lost.

happybeingme

Unfortunately it oftentimes is fake. I am sorry about that. This forum is a bit slow so you may want to post on the Friends and Family one as well. There isn't much you can do. You did the biggest thing you could. Interventions are extreme. Did you tell your mother what you would do if she didn't complete her program? You need to decide if you still want her in your life if she continues to drink. Chances are high that if she hasn't picked up yet she will

ajarlson

So sorry. Don't really know what to say as I briefly considered some sort of intervention for my AM at one point. By then though, so much damage had been done that I went no contact for my own sanity. I do wonder what would have happened, I suspect it would have gone somewhat like your experience. I wonder if those interventions ever work long term? Hang in there, work on yourself, I found that talking it through with a counselor was the thing that really opened my eyes to our so called "responsibilities" to other adults just because they're related to us. The guilt from walking away was heavy, but the load lightens every day.

Kialua

Hi, welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us because of your mom's troubles. I hope you don't take any of it on you, and can find the peace you need to get through this battle.

MikeH

I feel sorry for what you are going through. I agree with the others here, especially with the following from happybeingme. You tried: now the ball is in her court.

Focus on your life and your needs and stay positive. :-)

ajarlson

Another thing you'll find on this site is the continued talk of boundaries. When I started coming here (and before I started counseling for my relationship with my AM) I had no boundaries in place at all. It can start with a small boundary, I won't talk to you if you have been drinking, I won't buy you booze anymore, etc. Mine quickly escalated as I realized she would never respect any boundary I tried to put in place and I went no contact, but many here have been able to use boundaries successfully to continue a limited contact with their loved one. I highly recommend counseling and Al-anon but if you can't get to these, this small step may help you in your journey. Good luck to you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Tenngirl!!

Looking in on addiction can be a very lonely place, as you say plenty of giving and not much back.

You'll find loads of support here on SR and that's important to have!!

tromboneliness

For someone with a lifetime of addiction, 3 weeks (or 28 or 30 days, etc.) is no time at all, to get a program and start getting healthy. My qualifier went to treatment for almost 5 months (fortunately, she had the money to pay for it!).

But even a "failure" like this is not necessarily all bad. The intervention counselor I used told me that sometimes, an intervention doesn't work at first -- the person refuses to go to treatment, or goes but bounces right out, as happened with your mom -- but it gives them an idea of what's available, once they themselves decide they've had enough of being sick all the time, protecting supply, and wondering how bad they're going to feel today, and decide to seek treatment of their own volition.

For now, though, it's important to accept the fact -- and it is a fact -- that your mother is a grownup who has the autonomy to make her own choices. If she makes bad ones, you can set boundaries, detach, disengage, not get drawn into it, and generally work on your own stuff. It's hard to accept that if she doesn't want to get sober, you can't force her to do it -- but that's how it is. Good luck!

T