DoubleDragons

So, after a horrific week of dealing with the suicide of my teenage son's friend and once again, getting no support from my alcoholic mother, as she was on a three day bender, I decided that I needed a break from her chaos. I texted she and my father, letting them know that I was sick of her unacknowledged alcohol problem and his enabling of it and that I didn't want to hear from them unless she was sincerely seeking help for her problem. In that case, I offered my support.

This is the first time in my life that I have gone no contact with them, so I have no idea how long it will "stick", but so far I feel nothing but relief. I have a feeling I am going to need your help in the upcoming weeks, so I appreciate you being here.

DesertEyes

Good for you, DD. When I finally went no contact it made a _huge_ improvement in my life.... and no change at all in my "toxic family."

I was not able to make it stick at first. I had to give myself permission to go no contact for 2 hours a day. Then extended that to 3, then 4. Gave myself permission to get "unstuck" and _not_ criticize myself for being non-perfect. Took me awhile, but eventually I was able to make it permanent. One of the best things I ever did in my life, to learn how to keep toxic people out of my life.

Mike

thotful

I'm so sorry for your situation. You're not alone. I'm definitely checking the forum from time to time. Keep writing, keep reading. I am one that can share experiences.

I've estranged myself from 2 siblings (amongst 7). 1 is added to the list by his own action (refuses to be around my wife, so it's bye bye). The list might get longer over time.

It's really painful on one end. But on the other, I feel like I can actually finally breathe. Really breathe. Actual air. That I'm not feeling strangled anymore.

happybeingme

DD good for you. It is such a gift we give ourselves when we make the decision to go no contact. I did it in the heat of a blow up on the phone with my mother. For me it was hard. I obsessively thought about her that first month. Constantly had to talk myself out of calling her. It was tough. But, slowly it got better. Now I just sincerely hope I never lay eyes on her again.
It will get better

seasaw

dd good for you - setting a boundary for the sake of your own health, giving the terms of the boundary - these are fantastic ways to honor and take care of your Self. You deserve to be happy, to be treated with respect, to get the love you give. Being around people, and their enablers, who for so long deny they have fatal diseases causes fatigue and heartbreak. It's usually a great choice to just take attention off their behavior.

In practical terms, when I went NC i blocked certain numbers on my phone and rerouted emails from certain addresses to another folder, so i could go about my daily routine without flinching every time I wanted to check my phone/inbox. That in itself was a MASSIVE relief. Even 9 months in, I still am considering getting a differently colored phone case just to have a different looking phone than the one I had pre-NC

ajarlson

Also, my counselor explained that not contacting her didn't mean it had to be forever. She told me, give it 30 days and see how you feel. Once 30 days went by I realized how much my life had improved. But nothing has to be set in stone, give yourself permission to change your mind if you want to.
When I first thought I was going to go NC it wasn't, I called her on her birthday, I called to thank her for a piano she finally let me have. It's been 6 months now though and things are great. Agree with seasaw, block numbers, give yourself a chance to breathe. You might find that you have the strength to set boundaries and contact her on a limited basis, or not. My mom doesn't respect boundaries and it was too exhausting to keep trying to enforce them, but everyone's different. We're here for you.

FireSprite

I'm so sorry Dragons, I know from your posts in the F&F forum that you've been hoping to not have to go down this road. (((((hugs))))