My 'Mother' Rang
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Originally Posted by happybeingme 
Start- that subreddit can be tough but on that page there are also links for other narcissism subs. They may be more suited for you.
Thanks for the link to the new site. I am going to check it out
Thanks for the link to the new site. I am going to check it out
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Join Date: May 2013
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I liked it. I quickly learned to heed the warnings when the posts said there was abuse or what not. Those were too tough for me to read. But, it was awesome to be able to post this is my mom blah, blah and have a bunch of people say oh yeah I deal with that too. It was a relief to get conformation that yes she is a narcissist and no I am not nuts.
I also learned a lot about the different roles of the golden child, the scapegoat and such. Plus I learned a whole lot about gaslighting which is a specialty of my mom's.
Good luck I hope it helps
I also learned a lot about the different roles of the golden child, the scapegoat and such. Plus I learned a whole lot about gaslighting which is a specialty of my mom's.
Good luck I hope it helps
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This one happy? https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com. I just noticed that there is a comment section at the bottom.
Tried to tackle some of it earlier on but wasn't up to it, I just listened to a few minutes of existential type philosophy instead.
However that blog does seem to be a pretty comprehensive one and all too familiar (scarily so). Major gaslighter my end too.
Tried to tackle some of it earlier on but wasn't up to it, I just listened to a few minutes of existential type philosophy instead.
However that blog does seem to be a pretty comprehensive one and all too familiar (scarily so). Major gaslighter my end too.
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I'm not particularly! No, but why would it cause chaos I'm wondering?
Refrained from it the other night as I wasn't sure what my intentions were.
Then I thought no matter which way, it wouldn't make any difference anyway.
Refrained from it the other night as I wasn't sure what my intentions were.
Then I thought no matter which way, it wouldn't make any difference anyway.
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One thing a narcissist can never do is admit they are wrong. To even hint that they are less than God on Earth can release maelstrom. Unless they are like my mum. Then she would just crumble in an emotional heap and cry to everyone about how awful, hateful, and mean I am.
Most professionals won't even work with a narcissist because of how dangerous it can be to them emotionally and professionally.
Any hope of her improving will only lead to sadness, disappointment, and pain. Educate yourself so you can heal and recover. Leave her to God.
Most professionals won't even work with a narcissist because of how dangerous it can be to them emotionally and professionally.
Any hope of her improving will only lead to sadness, disappointment, and pain. Educate yourself so you can heal and recover. Leave her to God.
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Crocodile tears is it? Yeah, tell me about it. Sickening in the extreme and totally false. Mine should have went to Hollywood
That's interesting. I'm not surprised. What she did to me is almost unheard of. (robbed me blind when recovering from a suicide attempt, e.g etc)
Yeah, you're right. I think that's been proven beyond a doubt. And thanks. Having a real bad day here. I seen something online earlier that just brought a flood of emotions back, I nealy saw a red mist even.
I was tempted to throw a few truth torpedo's her way earlier but I didn't. I am going to though, just level headed. God doesn't seem to give a damn actually, she has been robbing from people her whole life.
Fraud is her specialty. She defrauded a load of local people out of their savings and not just me, including elderly. With total impunity. She managed to worm her way out by blaming being scared of my father.
Which is not simply true, he has bailed her out on many occasions. And so have I. Those incidents were not one off either, far from it. Then people feel so sorry for her and not her victims? Wtf it's all just crazy.
Originally Posted by happybeingme
Most professionals won't even work with a narcissist because of how dangerous it can be to them emotionally and professionally.
Originally Posted by happybeingme
Any hope of her improving will only lead to sadness, disappointment, and pain. Educate yourself so you can heal and recover. Leave her to God.
I was tempted to throw a few truth torpedo's her way earlier but I didn't. I am going to though, just level headed. God doesn't seem to give a damn actually, she has been robbing from people her whole life.
Fraud is her specialty. She defrauded a load of local people out of their savings and not just me, including elderly. With total impunity. She managed to worm her way out by blaming being scared of my father.
Which is not simply true, he has bailed her out on many occasions. And so have I. Those incidents were not one off either, far from it. Then people feel so sorry for her and not her victims? Wtf it's all just crazy.
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Yeah. People like her scare me. If I even smell a hint of narcissism from someone I run. Honest.
I am sorry you had a tough time of it today.
If you think it will help you than by all means say something to your mum. Just be careful and protect yourself.
I am sorry you had a tough time of it today.
If you think it will help you than by all means say something to your mum. Just be careful and protect yourself.
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I will do. She may have deprived me of any sense of reality my whole life, that doesn't mean that the last thing I will say to her won't be based in it.
Here is a question. Do you think they get a sort of sick pleasure out of seeing us suffer? I got those vibes, and it seems like that to me. Which is F'd up.
Also want to add. All that stuff about her making off with my savings before, and the stealing from my wallet and bank account when I was unwell and going through hell.
It's not about the money. It was the fact that I was there supposed to be recovering from a suicide attempt and going through unmerciful withdrawals from years of abusing.
And I'm aware of this going on and unable to do anything about it, too depressed to go and sort out the bank card and pure distraught that this is what my life is actually like.
Then the denial (she owes me 11k on paper not including any of the theft I mentioned and tried to prise open my safe even) the gaslighting ,
and the preemptive manipulation of my siblings. Before I was even well enough to politely bring any of this up. Then I lose my cool one night from the pub and smash a vase/threaten my brother
(guess what he owed me money too, her maneuvering) demanding some honesty and they get a barring order against me (poor her of course)
And I'm on the street then. Penniless! With nowhere to go, and all this **** going around my head. So yeah, the money isn't real (it's important when you have none I learned soon after that) but all of that stuff is, and for sure.
Man anyway it's been slow progress trying to get over that. Also the stuff about her fraudulent past, the issue for me was that she denied it all in later years even though I lived through it and she had me as a child complicit in it.
Not many people understands (not that I ever told anyone, although they know) but you do happy. So thanks for that
Here is a question. Do you think they get a sort of sick pleasure out of seeing us suffer? I got those vibes, and it seems like that to me. Which is F'd up.
Also want to add. All that stuff about her making off with my savings before, and the stealing from my wallet and bank account when I was unwell and going through hell.
It's not about the money. It was the fact that I was there supposed to be recovering from a suicide attempt and going through unmerciful withdrawals from years of abusing.
And I'm aware of this going on and unable to do anything about it, too depressed to go and sort out the bank card and pure distraught that this is what my life is actually like.
Then the denial (she owes me 11k on paper not including any of the theft I mentioned and tried to prise open my safe even) the gaslighting ,
and the preemptive manipulation of my siblings. Before I was even well enough to politely bring any of this up. Then I lose my cool one night from the pub and smash a vase/threaten my brother
(guess what he owed me money too, her maneuvering) demanding some honesty and they get a barring order against me (poor her of course)
And I'm on the street then. Penniless! With nowhere to go, and all this **** going around my head. So yeah, the money isn't real (it's important when you have none I learned soon after that) but all of that stuff is, and for sure.
Man anyway it's been slow progress trying to get over that. Also the stuff about her fraudulent past, the issue for me was that she denied it all in later years even though I lived through it and she had me as a child complicit in it.
Not many people understands (not that I ever told anyone, although they know) but you do happy. So thanks for that
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Glad I am here and we can share our journey. How are you doing now? Both financially and emotionally?
To answer your question, yes I think they get a sort of sick pleasure from hurting us. It's one of the reasons I finally went no contact. I couldn't deal with the sick mind games. By extension I even accepted I might lose my sisters and their kids as well. I haven't. Yet. But I have worked long and hard for my sobriety and am still busting my backside trying to heal from the childhood dysfunction. I will no longer make any compromises.
To answer your question, yes I think they get a sort of sick pleasure from hurting us. It's one of the reasons I finally went no contact. I couldn't deal with the sick mind games. By extension I even accepted I might lose my sisters and their kids as well. I haven't. Yet. But I have worked long and hard for my sobriety and am still busting my backside trying to heal from the childhood dysfunction. I will no longer make any compromises.
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Well ok financially. I'm on welfare but I live in a little tiny room, and I never go anywhere or do anything nice for myself.
Whereas, that money she owes me was made up of money I withdrew from my pension fund and the sale of all my hi-end dj equipment.
Money I was saving for my kids basically. So thats easy to answer, thats why I have tended to make this issue about money with her because it's something tangible.
As for the second bit, emotionally? Thats the real issue as we know. A little less tangible, certainly since its something I been suppressing with alcohol most of my life.
Yeah I'm ok I guess, I feel like absolute crap though since I sobered up. Not exactly depressed, I've been clinically depressed before and it's not that. Just kinda lost, or hopeless, or pointless.
Disenfrachised, dehumanized, demoralized etc. I dunno, I felt 'strong' kinda when I was drinking. I would just send all those feelings right back where they came from, chasing the blues away.
Whereas, that money she owes me was made up of money I withdrew from my pension fund and the sale of all my hi-end dj equipment.
Money I was saving for my kids basically. So thats easy to answer, thats why I have tended to make this issue about money with her because it's something tangible.
As for the second bit, emotionally? Thats the real issue as we know. A little less tangible, certainly since its something I been suppressing with alcohol most of my life.
Yeah I'm ok I guess, I feel like absolute crap though since I sobered up. Not exactly depressed, I've been clinically depressed before and it's not that. Just kinda lost, or hopeless, or pointless.
Disenfrachised, dehumanized, demoralized etc. I dunno, I felt 'strong' kinda when I was drinking. I would just send all those feelings right back where they came from, chasing the blues away.
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Oh, I was really distraught when all that happened. (again, not about the money at all. I put my savings on the line then to get to the truth, I just wasn't prepared for the disappointing result and the fallout from it)
I got a tax back cheque soon after then, 2k. Bought some clothes and blew the rest on drink real fast, spent the next 6 months in a homeless hostel eating in soup kitchens collecting a welfare check to keep me in drink.
I put on a very brave face, I though so at least. But I was really distraught secretly, I did not want to sober up at all or ever then. Well anyway, now I'm sober and reliving it all again. It's been hell if I'm honest, no end in sight.
But like I said, It's much easier for me to talk about the logistics of that situation than how I feel. Man I think that as anyone would imagine it wasn't good at all. Thats only a tiny bit of the story with her but you can get the idea…
It was an ultimate betrayal by her. I was planning to move to the city for work and I had a place in college also (after years of battling with depression), all that I needed was a straight answer from her about the that money she owed me, I had no income or savings whatsoever then.
Instead she keep me hanging on for 1 full year with her twice a week pretending to go to the credit union and coming back with all kinds of silly excuses (I worked in banking myself so) and me trying to coax her gently to say if she didn't actually have it or wtf like I'm dealing with a child.
One night I raised my voice and woke up in court with a bad hangover and then in a hospital with another bad hangover in another town, then onto the homeless shelter and nobody has invited me back since, or rang to see if I was ok, or not even to wish me happy birthday on my 30th etc
I got a tax back cheque soon after then, 2k. Bought some clothes and blew the rest on drink real fast, spent the next 6 months in a homeless hostel eating in soup kitchens collecting a welfare check to keep me in drink.
I put on a very brave face, I though so at least. But I was really distraught secretly, I did not want to sober up at all or ever then. Well anyway, now I'm sober and reliving it all again. It's been hell if I'm honest, no end in sight.
But like I said, It's much easier for me to talk about the logistics of that situation than how I feel. Man I think that as anyone would imagine it wasn't good at all. Thats only a tiny bit of the story with her but you can get the idea…
It was an ultimate betrayal by her. I was planning to move to the city for work and I had a place in college also (after years of battling with depression), all that I needed was a straight answer from her about the that money she owed me, I had no income or savings whatsoever then.
Instead she keep me hanging on for 1 full year with her twice a week pretending to go to the credit union and coming back with all kinds of silly excuses (I worked in banking myself so) and me trying to coax her gently to say if she didn't actually have it or wtf like I'm dealing with a child.
One night I raised my voice and woke up in court with a bad hangover and then in a hospital with another bad hangover in another town, then onto the homeless shelter and nobody has invited me back since, or rang to see if I was ok, or not even to wish me happy birthday on my 30th etc
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Location: east coast
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Strat thank you for sharing more with me. I am glad you have a safe place to live for now. It's also ok if it's about the money. That was your money. Your safety and security and she took it from you.
Just don't ever forget you have friends now. You have us. You are always safe and secure here.
Your birthday matters. Happy Birthday! Sorry I am late.
Just don't ever forget you have friends now. You have us. You are always safe and secure here.
Your birthday matters. Happy Birthday! Sorry I am late.
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