What do you hate most about being an ACOA? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Star Gazer · 08-07-2004, 02:47 PM

I know that we are supposed to be positive and uplifting while we deal with our problems but sometimes I get ticked off. What about you? Here are a few things I hate about being an ACOA.

I hate that I don't know how to have fun.

I hate that I have trouble letting good people into my life and letting go of bad people.

I hate feeling different.

I hate feeling inferior.

I hate that I have had to deal with alcoholism even though I have never been drunk.

I hate that I don't have the courage to go to a face to face meeting because I feel so socially inept.

I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start.....

There, I feel better now.......

Gabe · 08-07-2004, 03:25 PM

Star Gazer,
This is where I have to turn things around...

I hate that I don't know how to have fun.
Therefore, I have to learn how to have fun.

I hate that I have trouble letting good people into my life and letting go of bad people.
Therefore, I have to make more room for the good people, and less room for the bad people.

I hate feeling different.
Therefore, I have to learn to love myself and appreciate the value that I contribute to the world.

I hate feeling inferior.
Therefore, I have to realize that there is an abiding goodness in me that shines outward.

I hate that I have had to deal with alcoholism even though I have never been drunk.
Therefore, I will accept it as a disease and stop resenting it's presence in my life.

I hate that I don't have the courage to go to a face to face meeting because I feel so socially inept.
Therefore, I will have faith instead of fear and go to a meeting anyway, because it will be good for me.

I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start.
Therefore, I will trust that knowledge that I have the strength to start, and start anyway.

You've got all the tools Star Gazer. Just put them to work.
Sending some light your way,
Gabe

dragonlady · 08-07-2004, 03:44 PM

Stargazer, You said it!!! I totally agree!

Star Gazer · 08-07-2004, 03:44 PM

Okay, now I really feel better!!

This all gets so frustrating. Sometimes, I am fine. Other times, simple things that shouldn't bother me put me in a negative, downward spiral. However, the good days outweigh the bad.

ChillGal · 08-07-2004, 03:45 PM

I agree with Gabe. Turn everything around to help YOU.

I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start.....

I think you have started. I think just being aware of these things is a start.

Sad_Hazeleyes · 08-08-2004, 06:04 AM

Star Gazer,

I feel all of those things and more. I am with you. I like what Gabe said, and I am going to TRY hard to apply them to my life. Right now it is easier said than done.

Hope that you have a great day! I know I am going to try vry hard to.

God Bless,

Sad_Hazeleyes

splendra · 08-08-2004, 06:11 AM

I hate how easy it is for me to get sucked into my families dramas and taking resposibility when it would be best for me to take care of me but.... I am getting better at letting go thank God.

JT · 08-08-2004, 07:36 AM

Well done Gabe!!

And Splendra...no one can suck you into anything. The first time you refuse will be the hardest...it gets so much easier after that.

Hugs,
JT

splendra · 08-08-2004, 08:59 AM

alright JT I turned off the vaccume in my mind ok?

Gooch · 08-08-2004, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Star Gazer

I hate that I don't know how to have fun.

I hate that I have trouble letting good people into my life and letting go of bad people.

I hate feeling different.

I hate feeling inferior.

I hate that I have had to deal with addiction.

I hate that I don't have the courage to go to a face to face meeting because I feel so socially inept.

I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start.....

Wow.... except for having done the substances.. this is what I felt like before I ever used so I thought using drugs would help me numb those fears and feelings of not fitting in.

When I realized I had a problem with not being able to control my dope and tried to get clean, I still felt all those other things.

I can make a suggestion where to start changing. oops ..too late. You allready have started to change by coming here and talking to others. Now .. next thing might be to quit worrying about feeling socially inept, many people do and a lot of them learned some social skills by going to meetings ( with other people at various stages of social adeptness) so c'mon out of that shell and get thee to a meeting!

You'll be among your own kind. It's a pretty neat feeling.

eveie · 08-08-2004, 04:18 PM

hmmm I feel like that too, I dont know how to go out, so Im a homebody, I thank GOD for the Internet, my poetry and learning about these meetings, I hope to learn more, and climb over this next log on my pathway....thanks for that.

eveie · 08-08-2004, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splendra

I hate how easy it is for me to get sucked into my families dramas and taking resposibility when it would be best for me to take care of me but.... I am getting better at letting go thank God.

Moving 2000 miles away helped

but then you find yourself with more problems and patterns, argh! All this is like a big TADA going off in my head like enlightenment, if that makes any sense... so glad I found this forum, so glad I decided to make my poetry website, all this stuff is like boom boom boom, I truly believe everthing happens for reasons, but geez! one thing at a time would be nice for once

KcCrystal · 08-08-2004, 06:01 PM

I hate the feeling of haveing to lie my way through life when i can tell the truth.

I hate being told I don't have a "real" problem, when others have parents who've drank, and the act "Fine"

I hate the stress that my family puts on me, makeing me feel as if everythings my fault.

It's hard to find postives at times when it feels like I can barely :sink keep afloat.

Star Gazer · 08-08-2004, 06:54 PM

I want to change. I found a ACA meeting somewhat close to my house. Hopefully, I can go this week. I am going away for a few days so it will be hectic but I think it will be important to do this. Afterall, I am traveling with my mom to go visit my brother!!

I think that if I can get to the ACA meetings and meet people like me, I will be able to do other things, like join an Astronomy Club so I can learn more about my hobby.

eveie · 08-08-2004, 08:59 PM

I hate talking to my parents and being talked to like im 12
I hate not knowing how to be socialable
I hate wanting to break out of myself, and not knowing how
I hate not having patience
I hate the fact I didnt know any of this until now
I hate remembering the beatings
I hate how people dont understand
I hate to hate

enigma · 08-12-2004, 06:43 AM

I hate being given the 3rd degree by people about why I don't drink. I'm 25 and it seems that everyone my age think it's some sort of major sin if you don't go out and get plastered every weekend. I just don't have the courage to tell people that my father is an alcoholic. It's that old "keeping secrets" pattern instilled in me.

Gabe · 08-12-2004, 06:53 AM

Hey enigma,
Nice to see you around again. That "keeping secrets" pattern is a hard one to get out of.

sweeks · 08-12-2004, 07:28 AM

Hi enigma...my mom is an alcoholic and I felt the same way for a long time. I didn't want people to know. Thing thing that took that all away for me was actually a boss of mine at my last job. I had already been there for a year when he was hired as my new manager. He told me THE FIRST DAY I MET HIM that he was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for 7 years. I immediatley told him about my mom (he was the only person I had told besides my husband) and it occured to me....he doesn't feel ashamed about it because it's a DISEASE! I realized that untill my mom understood that it was nothing to be ashamed of there probably wasn't much chance for her to get better. How was she supposed to not be ashamed of it if her whole family was? So I'm not ashamed and I feel free to tell every one I know.

Akell04 · 08-12-2004, 06:28 PM

I hate feeling different. Yes, I know I make myself feel this way, but it doesn't stop me from hating the way I feel. I want to feel what "normal people" (whatever that it) feel. Have any suggestions?

Star Gazer · 08-12-2004, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigma

I hate being given the 3rd degree by people about why I don't drink. I'm 25 and it seems that everyone my age think it's some sort of major sin if you don't go out and get plastered every weekend.

I hate this, too!! They treat you like a leper because you don't party all weekend!

08-07-2004, 02:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
Star Gazer Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Clearwater, FL Posts: 81	What do you hate most about being an ACOA? I know that we are supposed to be positive and uplifting while we deal with our problems but sometimes I get ticked off. What about you? Here are a few things I hate about being an ACOA. I hate that I don't know how to have fun. I hate that I have trouble letting good people into my life and letting go of bad people. I hate feeling different. I hate feeling inferior. I hate that I have had to deal with alcoholism even though I have never been drunk. I hate that I don't have the courage to go to a face to face meeting because I feel so socially inept. I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start..... There, I feel better now....... __________________ "You see things;and you say,'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

08-07-2004, 03:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Star Gazer Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Clearwater, FL Posts: 81	Thanks for the positive turn around! Okay, now I really feel better!! This all gets so frustrating. Sometimes, I am fine. Other times, simple things that shouldn't bother me put me in a negative, downward spiral. However, the good days outweigh the bad. __________________ "You see things;and you say,'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

08-08-2004, 06:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sad_Hazeleyes sparkling hazeleyes Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alexandria VA Posts: 81	I have the same issues Star Gazer, I feel all of those things and more. I am with you. I like what Gabe said, and I am going to TRY hard to apply them to my life. Right now it is easier said than done. Hope that you have a great day! I know I am going to try vry hard to. God Bless, Sad_Hazeleyes

08-08-2004, 06:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,508 Blog Entries: 3	I hate how easy it is for me to get sucked into my families dramas and taking resposibility when it would be best for me to take care of me but.... I am getting better at letting go thank God. __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

08-08-2004, 07:36 AM	#8 (permalink)
JT Supply Manager Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Cleaverville Posts: 2,899	Well done Gabe!! And Splendra...no one can suck you into anything. The first time you refuse will be the hardest...it gets so much easier after that. Hugs, JT __________________ The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer

08-07-2004, 03:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,955	Star Gazer, This is where I have to turn things around... I hate that I don't know how to have fun. Therefore, I have to learn how to have fun. I hate that I have trouble letting good people into my life and letting go of bad people. Therefore, I have to make more room for the good people, and less room for the bad people. I hate feeling different. Therefore, I have to learn to love myself and appreciate the value that I contribute to the world. I hate feeling inferior. Therefore, I have to realize that there is an abiding goodness in me that shines outward. I hate that I have had to deal with alcoholism even though I have never been drunk. Therefore, I will accept it as a disease and stop resenting it's presence in my life. I hate that I don't have the courage to go to a face to face meeting because I feel so socially inept. Therefore, I will have faith instead of fear and go to a meeting anyway, because it will be good for me. I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start. Therefore, I will trust that knowledge that I have the strength to start, and start anyway. You've got all the tools Star Gazer. Just put them to work. Sending some light your way, Gabe

08-07-2004, 03:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
dragonlady Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: colmesneil, texas Posts: 120	Stargazer, You said it!!! I totally agree!

08-07-2004, 03:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
ChillGal Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: No where Posts: 79	I agree with Gabe. Turn everything around to help YOU. I hate that I know that I have the strength to change but I don't know where to start..... I think you have started. I think just being aware of these things is a start.

08-08-2004, 08:59 AM	#9 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,508 Blog Entries: 3	alright JT I turned off the vaccume in my mind ok? __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

08-08-2004, 04:18 PM	#11 (permalink)
eveie I've Taken My Life Back!! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montana Posts: 106	hmmm I feel like that too, I dont know how to go out, so Im a homebody, I thank GOD for the Internet, my poetry and learning about these meetings, I hope to learn more, and climb over this next log on my pathway....thanks for that. __________________ Eveie "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

08-08-2004, 06:01 PM	#13 (permalink)
KcCrystal "Tonight I Wanna Cry" Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Kansas City Posts: 268	I hate the feeling of haveing to lie my way through life when i can tell the truth. I hate being told I don't have a "real" problem, when others have parents who've drank, and the act "Fine" I hate the stress that my family puts on me, makeing me feel as if everythings my fault. It's hard to find postives at times when it feels like I can barely :sink keep afloat. __________________ Tickets to see Keith Urban: $35 T-shirt: $25 Seeing him up close: PRICELESS!!

08-08-2004, 06:54 PM	#14 (permalink)
Star Gazer Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Clearwater, FL Posts: 81	I want to change I want to change. I found a ACA meeting somewhat close to my house. Hopefully, I can go this week. I am going away for a few days so it will be hectic but I think it will be important to do this. Afterall, I am traveling with my mom to go visit my brother!! I think that if I can get to the ACA meetings and meet people like me, I will be able to do other things, like join an Astronomy Club so I can learn more about my hobby. __________________ "You see things;and you say,'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

08-08-2004, 08:59 PM	#15 (permalink)
eveie I've Taken My Life Back!! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montana Posts: 106	I hate talking to my parents and being talked to like im 12 I hate not knowing how to be socialable I hate wanting to break out of myself, and not knowing how I hate not having patience I hate the fact I didnt know any of this until now I hate remembering the beatings I hate how people dont understand I hate to hate __________________ Eveie "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

08-12-2004, 06:43 AM	#16 (permalink)
enigma Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Maryland Posts: 2	I hate being given the 3rd degree by people about why I don't drink. I'm 25 and it seems that everyone my age think it's some sort of major sin if you don't go out and get plastered every weekend. I just don't have the courage to tell people that my father is an alcoholic. It's that old "keeping secrets" pattern instilled in me.

08-12-2004, 06:53 AM	#17 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,955	Hey enigma, Nice to see you around again. That "keeping secrets" pattern is a hard one to get out of.

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

08-12-2004, 07:28 AM	#18 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 184	Hi enigma...my mom is an alcoholic and I felt the same way for a long time. I didn't want people to know. Thing thing that took that all away for me was actually a boss of mine at my last job. I had already been there for a year when he was hired as my new manager. He told me THE FIRST DAY I MET HIM that he was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for 7 years. I immediatley told him about my mom (he was the only person I had told besides my husband) and it occured to me....he doesn't feel ashamed about it because it's a DISEASE! I realized that untill my mom understood that it was nothing to be ashamed of there probably wasn't much chance for her to get better. How was she supposed to not be ashamed of it if her whole family was? So I'm not ashamed and I feel free to tell every one I know.

08-12-2004, 06:28 PM	#19 (permalink)
Akell04 Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: oklahoma city, ok Posts: 14	I hate feeling different. Yes, I know I make myself feel this way, but it doesn't stop me from hating the way I feel. I want to feel what "normal people" (whatever that it) feel. Have any suggestions?