Peace and acceptance
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Peace and acceptance
I recently had a chance to spend the day with my baby sister. We talked more deeply than I think we ever have before.
I seem to be learning quite a bit. About myself, my sisters, our shared history. Part of me wanted to fix her, help her, take her hurt away. But, I accept now I cant. My sisters and I are so different. I accept now we cant fix things with each other. Not in any deep way. And if we could we still couldnt be best friend sisters. We are too different. But, I think I am ok with it. We do have a realationship with each other to a point. With my boundaries in place and almost instinctively feeling them I can move on.
I recently came to the conclusion that not only is my mom unable to care about others I think she actively dislikes me. And I think that has always been the case.
Its weird. With all of these sudden insights I think I am now at a place of peace and acceptance. I dont hurt, I am not anxious, its strange to no longer be obsessively thinking about things. Questioning my thoughts, worrying if I am missing something. I just am. I am looking now towards stregthening my bonds with my husband and sons, and making sure I am always a symbol of love and peace for my nieces and nephews. By example I can help the next generation.
I seem to be learning quite a bit. About myself, my sisters, our shared history. Part of me wanted to fix her, help her, take her hurt away. But, I accept now I cant. My sisters and I are so different. I accept now we cant fix things with each other. Not in any deep way. And if we could we still couldnt be best friend sisters. We are too different. But, I think I am ok with it. We do have a realationship with each other to a point. With my boundaries in place and almost instinctively feeling them I can move on.
I recently came to the conclusion that not only is my mom unable to care about others I think she actively dislikes me. And I think that has always been the case.
Its weird. With all of these sudden insights I think I am now at a place of peace and acceptance. I dont hurt, I am not anxious, its strange to no longer be obsessively thinking about things. Questioning my thoughts, worrying if I am missing something. I just am. I am looking now towards stregthening my bonds with my husband and sons, and making sure I am always a symbol of love and peace for my nieces and nephews. By example I can help the next generation.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
You sound like me, only I'm the baby sister. My mother actively dislikes me and always has. She had children because that is what perfect wives do, not because she wanted to have unconditional love for the miracle of life from her womb. I'm at peace with it now. I am everything she never was as a mother, and for that, I thank her.
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