Authority Figures
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
Authority Figures
O.M.G. What a day already! So I get this call from a prominent professor in our nursing department telling me that a student named me (by full name) as someone who was telling her to do her assignment all wrong. It's a complicated situation--but at this school, the librarians have to help the students a lot with a very intense research-based assignment. It's very complicated and very specific and students often don't understand what our role is in it--I didn't necessarily do anything wrong, and I stayed out of parts of the assignment that I should've stayed out of--and when the student was questioned about her assignment--I got thrown under the bus. This happens--and my boss understands and the professor understands.
Sadly, my trait of fearing getting into trouble with authority figures just comes out loud and clear. This is a hard one for me. As soon as I saw on the caller ID who it was--and as soon as she asked for me by name--I knew I was in for it--sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach like I'm free-falling--total fight or flight. Of course, I'm not really in for it--I didn't get into trouble--I had things "clarified" to me--and I was able to tell my side of the story--to my boss who was very sympathetic and assured me that it was already water under the bridge.
But here I am--feeling ashamed. Like I'm not good enough to have this job, that I'm always screwing up. Some may think that having two masters degrees and a professional job--and normally not being viewed as an idiot, that I would "get over this," but we all know here that it's easier said than done. I feel like I totally screwed up--I expect to hear some static from the student--who was a tough one to handle as it was--sigh. I wish I was just better at accepting these things and letting them go. Pulling all resources together to let this go.
Sadly, my trait of fearing getting into trouble with authority figures just comes out loud and clear. This is a hard one for me. As soon as I saw on the caller ID who it was--and as soon as she asked for me by name--I knew I was in for it--sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach like I'm free-falling--total fight or flight. Of course, I'm not really in for it--I didn't get into trouble--I had things "clarified" to me--and I was able to tell my side of the story--to my boss who was very sympathetic and assured me that it was already water under the bridge.
But here I am--feeling ashamed. Like I'm not good enough to have this job, that I'm always screwing up. Some may think that having two masters degrees and a professional job--and normally not being viewed as an idiot, that I would "get over this," but we all know here that it's easier said than done. I feel like I totally screwed up--I expect to hear some static from the student--who was a tough one to handle as it was--sigh. I wish I was just better at accepting these things and letting them go. Pulling all resources together to let this go.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Yeah, authority figures, that's a hard one. Even when you know you are not in trouble. I see an email from so-and-so and I brace, click, read, and sigh with relief because I'm not in trouble. ha ha. Still do that all the time, it's so frustrating.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
robgt350,
That can definitely be a problem at times. In many cases, and in this one, it was the student who was convinced she was right and she was wrong--the faculty member was right (because she created the assignment) and I was lucky enough to get caught in the cross-fire. That also tends to happen on this campus. Every school is different and this type of thing seems to happen at this school more than the last one I worked at. Not sure if it has to do with the private, liberal arts school with the high price tag environment or what...lol.
However, I'm getting over it now--I took my break and sat in the sun and focused on other things and that helped a lot. In this job, I've found that one big challenge is not letting students place blame on me. They show up at the last minute--having done no prep with that "but my paper's due in six hours" attitude. For someone like me, it can be hard to draw the line--because if I can't help them to the extent that they think I should, they try to put the blame on me, or on the fact that our library doesn't own everything in the world--it's really just stress talking. I have to always remain cognizant that it's not my fault if they choose to start their assignments late, or misinterpret their assignments--or whatever. It's hard keeping myself separate when someone's unhappy and blaming it on me--so codependent of me
That can definitely be a problem at times. In many cases, and in this one, it was the student who was convinced she was right and she was wrong--the faculty member was right (because she created the assignment) and I was lucky enough to get caught in the cross-fire. That also tends to happen on this campus. Every school is different and this type of thing seems to happen at this school more than the last one I worked at. Not sure if it has to do with the private, liberal arts school with the high price tag environment or what...lol.
However, I'm getting over it now--I took my break and sat in the sun and focused on other things and that helped a lot. In this job, I've found that one big challenge is not letting students place blame on me. They show up at the last minute--having done no prep with that "but my paper's due in six hours" attitude. For someone like me, it can be hard to draw the line--because if I can't help them to the extent that they think I should, they try to put the blame on me, or on the fact that our library doesn't own everything in the world--it's really just stress talking. I have to always remain cognizant that it's not my fault if they choose to start their assignments late, or misinterpret their assignments--or whatever. It's hard keeping myself separate when someone's unhappy and blaming it on me--so codependent of me
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
search4serenity--thank you for this post...i guess I knew I had this issue...but had sort of 'forgotten' it...but it does impact me...and I am (or was in my last job) a high level business manager...but there are always people who project and blame...and in writing htis...you have helped me...the trembling comes from my shame and guilt even though I have been told they are false...guess there are layers upon layers. Thank you again...
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