Leave it be!

[dollydo]

I have a friend who can relate almost every detail of her childhood. She knows her teachers names, the name of the boy who pulled her braids in the second grade and so on.

Me, I am a blank. I can tell you the schools I went to, yet I cannot remember one teachers name and only a handful of my friends names.

We were talking about that the other day, she said that I forgot intentionally, as I want to block out my childhood. Probably some truth in that statement. She had a happy childhood, her home was filled with love, not turmoil and abuse like mine.

Truthfully, even as a child I felt cheated. When I went to my friends homes, they had a nice room to call their own, toys and two parents who loved them and treated them with respect.

Willy made me think of this conversation, as it hurts to dig below the surface...especially knowing there is nothing that you can do to change the past. I was in turmoil for days after we had this conversation.

After giving this much thought, I have decided to continue my path of avoidance, I will leave my past where it belongs, in the past.

[Thumper]

I'm sorry. I hate when things are stirred up and I'm left feeling blue and out of sorts for days afterwards. Our childhoods never really leave us do they? We may grow up and past them but never really grow out of them.

My hometown is very small. I was there from K-12th grade so at the time I knew most of the town. They have a page on facebook where they are posting pictures and remembering things. I can't believe what some people can remember!!! I don't remember a quarter of that stuff.

[Hollyanne]

Hi Dollydo,
I can relate. I am deciding whether to try to remember or try to forget.
I love the way my mother would say, "It's the same in every house!".
Right. Err, no, wrong. I always gravitated toward people with "happy" families.
A lot of jealousy. I am a little green monster. I am working on it.
Thanks Dollydo.

[micealc]

I can remember Most of my past....First day at School....All the teachers,Those that were nice to me...those that were not.

Visual Memory is one thing....Feeling Memory is Another.
I think when I was in Active Addiction...I remembered Nothing...Visual or emotional.
When I got Sober and Clean....It all started o Creap back...memories that is...Mostly Visual...a small number Emotional.

I can see myself in certain situations....but I have no feelings about them.
I think Anger is Protecting my Sad Feelings.....
Things will come as I get More Honest with my Self about what was Real and what was not.....
Early on in my recovery I searched and Searched....but nothing would come.
I have been going to 12 step meetings for years also Therapy.

I still think Im hiding something that is of emence importance,but for the love of me I cant think what it is.
I have heard that EMDR is great at restoring Emotional Memories...but in my case there is no Professional Theripist doing it here....So I must Continue Just Using the Tools of ACOA....Thanks for the Topic.Cheers....yours in Pain...MC

[Chris1000101]

To remember everything, autobiographical memory or hyperthymestic syndrome, is rare. As with many, I couldn’t tell you what I had for breakfast yesterday let alone who I was with and what we were doing 30 years ago.

From about age eight I was raised in foster homes. I can recall seven homes in three states. I remember their last names and the cities I was in. Half of the homes I couldn’t tell you the name of a single kid that was also there with me. I don’t force memories to surface. If one does make itself known I journal what I can recall and let it go. There are the occasions where I’ll share with someone I trust what I remembered; it usually ends with a good laugh. Should it turn out I remembered what I did because I did something wrong, then I make amends if it’s possible. I don’t regret my past nor do I wish to forget, it makes me who I am. With that said, I do not let fear or guilt of my past dictate today or my future.

[Willybluedog]

Dolly, you have to do what is best for you, I just want you to be happy.

EMDR helped me because I was tormented by memories to the point of paralysis.

Micealc, you can actually do EMDR to yourself, read up on it, it is very simple and you are really doing all the work anyway, my therapist did not speak at all during the 30 minutes I was relating a memory from childhood, she just did the tapping techique on my arm.

[Kialua]

Even though I had a terrible home life and went to 10 schools by 10th grade I could remember every single day and every person till about 5 years ago. The first time I took a long airplane flight of 12 hours I sat with my best friend and recounted almost my whole life to her in stunned amazement. TMI ha ha. But lately it has begun fading. I find names from even my graduating class that I don't remember anymore. Even my two best friends in high school I had trouble remembering their last names and had to ask another friend. Blessed relief. Finally.

[Willybluedog]

Kialua,

I seen something funny on facebook the other day relating to what you said.

They called CRS syndrome. CRS equals Can't remember squat!

Big hugs,

Bill

[frances2011]

Thank you all for sharing.

I'm in the mostly-blank childhood camp, with key standout experiences, highs and lows. Oh well. I journalled daily for years in my early adulthood once I realized how different I was in terms of not remembering past or current events. I realized that if I wrote stuff down I could keep it from slipping away.

My little sister sometimes will say, "Remember when?" And then she'll say, "Oh, I forgot. No, you don't." She is comfortable with my truth that I don't remember a lot of stuff.

For me, I have realized in the past year that my GOING BLANK experience was from anxiety. I didn't know I was having anxiety attacks. Being ACOA, I just got through it. Examples are blanking on where I was while driving and forgetting the name of the friend standing in front of me.

Now that I'm getting better, my mind is sharper and more focused and I remember a lot more. I don't need to remember the past, I'm peaceful about leaving it there as best I can.

I wish you all peace and comfort. Thank you for letting me share.