Telling someone how I feel

[STaylor98]

I want to start therapy, but I'm scared to ask my mom. She has my insurance information and I do not want her to know what I need to it. At work I prepared myself my whole shift to tell my mom I need consuling, but every time in the past I told my mom I need help, she told me I was throwing a fit or something like that. I'm really scared of what my mom will think of me. Im her princess, the one child that does no wrong...and she doesnt want to see anything but that. What should I say to her? Is it weird that I want to tell my dad before my mom. He was a abused as a child too and even though he traumatized me I feel that we've always been able to relate in some sick twisted way. He has always confided in me and it because he knew I felt pain like him...atleast I think...I don't know what I should do.

[Kialua]

I know I'm not answering you right off but I saw red flags with your dad "confiding" in you and you relating. It is sick and twisted. I'm certainly not yelling at you. My Mom did that with my brother, always confiding in him. This is one of the unhealthy traits of alcoholism and our unfair burden.

But to your question, are you a minor that you need this information from her? If not just call the insurance company and tell them your social security number or some other information that will allow them to service you. I believe that even as a minor you can call the insurance company and they will help you.

To get over fearing your mother's reaction is going to take some strength and inner work. We talk a lot about detaching from our parents, at least emotionally if not physically. This is part of growing up too. You need to take care of yourself no matter what others, including your Mother, thinks of you. Let us know how it goes, good luck.

[STaylor98]

Thank you for your post. I just need to tell myself each day what its for me for once. I didn't think you were yelling thanks for confirming it. I always hated my father for the things he would tell me. He would never say these things to my brothers. Its like I was a target and I dont know why. I remember being in the 4th grade and my father telling me that he was going to divorce my mom when I got older and telling me about his past and him with other women. I wanted my fathers to love me so much though that I took it and in my mind made it something that we had that was special and he would tell me that I was his bestfriend...i was just so young. Now I see that it was completely wrong of him.

[Kialua]

Yeah, that is not what healthy adults do, confide in their kids. That is just wrong. And when you marry and have kids, don't burden them with your stuff either. Kids are not emotionally equipped to help out adults.

You could always go to Alanon also for your emotional health, that wouldn't involve insurance. There are many books to get too now on the subject of Adult Children of Alcoholics.

If you're in college there are many counseling outlets that may already have access to your insurance information.

[SpeedyJason]

I don't know if you go or what kind of college you go too, but thinking of Kialua's post, a lot of colleges actually offer free counseling for a semester now. They don't need your insurance information and nothing will be charged to you. Community colleges probably wouldn't have this but I know a lot of state colleges do.

I am glad to hear you want to do something for you! Therapy is hard but definitely worth it, I think. Unfortunately I don't know really have any advice for you on the whole telling your parents thing cause I never had to do that in my situation, but I wish you the best of luck.

[STaylor98]

Thank you so much. I'm going to look into free counseling on my campus .

[Kialua]

Good for you! I'm glad we came up with something. Don't forget Alanon or ACA too.

[EveningRose]

Oh, the parents confiding in kids...ugh! My mother told me things I really didn't need or want to know about my dad. Things I still wish I didn't know. Thanks for the images, mom. And whenever I was with my dad, right up until I called it quits with him, he'd grouse and complain about my mother. I don't miss it.

Definitely look for an al-anon group, and talk to people here. It will help.

[Willybluedog]

STaylor,

I was a wreck as a kid, I always thought I needed help but my dad was always saying that therapy was for crazy people, they'll lock you up if you go, only pu##ys go to therapy, etc.

Finally I got so bad that I had to go, I was not going to survive without it, I just broke down one day and told him, "therapy may not be for you but I need it, it is helping me" and he told me "as long as it's helping you then great"

Don't worry about your moms reaction, do what you need to do!

Bill

[Diva76]

Is it really necessary to tell your mom that you wish to seek therapy?
I'm glad you want to help yourself...
I come from a very similiar background and I'm
the only person in my dysfunctional family who decided to get help...
Believe me when I tell you, I am sooo glad I did....

Good luck!

Diva 76