LuvMySis

Thank you for resurrecting this thread. I can relate to it. The older I get, the more I'm isolating myself. Most days, I go from home to work to the grocery store, gas station, etc., back to home, hoping to not have to speak to or interact in any way with anyone. I can't wait to get home so I can be myself and not feel the pressure to conform, and not have to deal with anyone's problems or become a problem myself. It's really sad. But I feel like this web site is going to save my sanity, because up until a couple of months ago, I thought I was the only person in the world screwed up so bad that I felt this way.

I'm sorry for everything all of you have gone through, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by implying that you're screwed up. But you know what I mean.

Poetry

I also tend to to isolate myself from others. I do this more and more as I get older. I see I am not alone in this. I have often wondered myself if it is healthy. Surely, if I prefer having only a small circle of friends and loved ones, that's o.k., right? I tell myself I do not have to become an extrovert just to please others. If I want to stick my nose in a book instead of forcing myself into uncomfortable social situations at big parties, what's the harm, really?

On the other hand, I am also aware that not wanting to make new friends and socialize is likely a trust issue that has taken root as being the daughter of an addict father. These people may want things from me; things I don't want to give. They may hurt me. They may use my secrets against me, or just plain use me like good old dad.

Most of my fears with regard to being -seriously- hurt by new friends are likely unfounded. I mean, if they do something I don't care for I can speak up, right? Therefore, I compromise with myself. I say no when I really want to, but if something truly sounds fun and engaging to me, I say yes to living it up a little, even when the novel I am reading is getting really good