worthyoflove

I have realized that my mother and I cannot have a healthy relationship. It only took me 42 years to realize it. Whatever I say to her gets spinned into something that doesn't even resemble what I said. She adds or deletes words then makes it all about her. It is crazy making. The last time she put a spin on things I told her that I will only communicate with her via e-mail since things I say get distorted. It's the craziest thing I've ever dealt with. It's also very sad to know you can't have the relationship you wanted and needed with a parent. If anyone else is experiencing this, you're not alone. Letting go and changing the things I can to make a healthier life for me.

suki44883

I love my mother more than anything in the world, but I can only take her in small doses. She doesn't do anything in particular that upsets me. She is in no way malicious, it's just that we look at so many things in such different ways. I'm sure she probably feels exactly the same way about me, so, we manage to deal with it okay.

worthyoflove

If it were only a perspective problem. She changes things I say. Growing up I noticed how many lies she told, but just swept it under the rug.

GingerM

My AF does the same thing, Worthy. I, too, have learned to change the way I perceive the comments. I have learned to see some of his demons in the words he uses/twists and that helps me form something resembling sympathy for him. Not that the sympathy means I can tolerate the belligerence for very long, but at least I can see why it's happening.

suki44883

Well, you don't have to just sweep it under the rug anymore. It might be best to just have very limited contact with her, if that is possible. Sometimes we have to do that even with family if they cause us undue grief.

worthyoflove

Yes, you are correct Ginger. I have recognized it as her own demons. It took me a little while to see it. It is much safer for me to keep my distance from her. Thanks Ladies.

EveningRose

Thank you, worthy. It always helps to know we're not alone. My mother seems to have decided I was some horrible person when I was extremely young, and now tweaks every story in her own mind to match what she has decided about me, telling herself, me, and others, what my motives really were, even if she has to directly contradict what I just told her were my reasons.