Aca

[Ninsuna]

Has anyone worked ACA'a 12 steps, or attempted to? I have been attending meetings and reading the big red book and I find a powerful identification there. It has turned in to my weekly respite, it's such a safe and nurturing environment compared to my AA meetings.

However, the idea of working the steps in the book is, well, terrifying. I have no interest in cataloguing the events of my childhood. Any one else run into this? Did you do it and are you glad you did?

Thanks

[Sylvie]

I have touched on this but not gone quite deep enough. My dad was the alcoholic in my family but actually wasn't around too much. I have learned lately that I was more affected by my verbally abusive mom than my alcoholic dad. Well, the whole dysfunctional system, really. But, I feel that it is definitely worth it to dig in there. There is so much hidden that we don't realize. I'm going to start seeing a therapist soon to assist in my delving into my mom's abuse. I'm scared about it and don't really want to but, part of me is ready to go there and dive into this dark part of me that I've been hiding from.

That's my experiences. I haven't got the big red book but would love to get a copy. It sounds pretty helpful.

[DesertEyes]

Hello there Ninsuna, and pleased to "meet" you

Originally Posted by Ninsuna

... Has anyone worked ACA'a 12 steps....

yep, I have. It has been a wonderfuly healing experience for me.

Originally Posted by Ninsuna

...I have no interest in cataloguing the events of my childhood. ....

um..... no, that's not what the steps are supposed to be. There is no cataloging of any kind. There is an "inventory", but it's not about event or our childhood, it's about the parts of our selves that are good and should be reinforced along with the parts that need repair.

The steps are _not_ about our childhood. They are about our _future_ and how to make it a healthy and positive one.

Mike

[wicked]

Is the text online?
Mike, I am interested in this too.
and, if you say it was healing for you, well, i must investigate.


thank you
beth

[Floss]

There is a big red book (12 Steps and Traditions) and workbook (12 Step Workbook) that accompanies it. I think they came out in 2006. It can be found on the ACA World Service Organisation Website. I haven't got these books yet but have recently been searching everywhere online for information about what they contain. Apparantly (from what I've read) the workbook is pretty full-on as Ninsuna said. We have no ACoA meetings anywhere near where I live. It's such a shame, as I feel it would be a great fit. I am thinking about starting a meeting next year....

[Ninsuna]

Hey there, Floss, I was in Perth for a couple of months and disappointed to discover the one meeting I had found online no longer existed. I asked around AA meetings about it and found that while most of the ladies I talked to had never heard of ACA they were very interested when I told them about it.

[Floss]

Hi Ninsuna...yes, I noticed online that a lot of the meetings that were, are no longer. It's such a shame when I believe ACA meetings would be beneficial to many. On the WSO website, it says you can start your own meeting and they have a starters pack. I'm thinking about starting one next year with my friend who is also an ACoA. Do you have many ACA meetings where you live?

[grewupinabarn]

I agree with Mike. Recovery is not about re-living the past. Nor is it about burying the past or denying history.
In my case, I need to accept the reality of what happened and that it s***ed. This was harder than it sounds - I remembered trauma but had no emotions connected to those memories. In order to let go of the past, I had to admit how much of it I was still holding onto, in the form of nameless, formless anxieties and fears and other behaviors that made me act as bad as the alcoholic (and without a drink in my hand).
The old saying 'those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it" applies to our individual lives. I think my brain will keep repeating the emotions of past events until I connect them to past events. This is much harder than it sounds, especially for one like myself who is so very skilled in the use of numerous little shovelfuls of lies to bury the past.
I used to think that re-living the past was re-living resentments and blame on people long since dead or whom I want to respect for the good they did accomplish. Actually, it is putting the focus on myself.
There is a sharing that I read (in a book or on the net somewhere) in which a woman recalled a bitter argument she was having with her recovering alcoholic mother, who had already confessed her many incidents of past abuse and neglect. Her mother looked her in the eye and said 'Yes, your problems may have my name on them, but the solutions have your name on them.' So very true.
Whatever you do, therapy or a 12-step group, or something else, recovery is a precious gift you give yourself, and it is possibly the best gift you can ever give.

[GingerM]

I think my brain will keep repeating the emotions of past events until I connect them to past events.

In psychology, there is a behavior dubbed "repeat until resolved". This behavior is a very natural part of how our brains learn. Try something, does it work? No? Repeat the behavior and see if it works this time.

While this hard-wiring is fantastic for things like learning to pronounce words correctly or learning how to tie a fish hook onto a line, it ends up causing no end of problems with recovery from any traumatic event as we keep repeating the behaviors hoping that the problem will resolve.

This explains why we can't let go of the past very easily. We're still trying to resolve the problems. It also explains why *acceptance* (note: you don't have to like/approve/be in agreement with - only accept) is such a critical part of any recovery. Without acceptance (which is also not cataloging misdeeds), our brains only have the "repeat" function to operate on. Once we've accepted, we are then free to try different behaviors, rather than repeating the same ones over and over again.

I hope this makes some kind of sense to someone other than me. For me, learning about this was a big help in learning to accept (gave me much motivation to try harder).

Ginger