Please welcome stacymarie10 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

stacymarie10 · 10-31-2009, 07:31 PM

I lost my mother in September 2009 to complications created by end-stage cirrhosis. I am suffering now with guilt for not making her get help, anger for all the years she drank and for all the things she said, and empathy for her depression and struggles. It's hard for me to even think about having children because my mom always looked forward to having grandchildren. I feel like my life is on hold now-- I don't know what to do now that she's gone. Now, my future children will never know her and that breaks my heart. I'm 27. My sister is 22. I never imagined we would end up without a mother. Mothers are supposed to be around for years beyond the 20's. People tell me they understand, they lost their mother too.... but they didn't lose their mother until they were in their 50's. We're still in our 20's, so I get mad because it isn't fair. Does anyone else struggle with this anger toward the parents, toward the community, toward other people who are just trying to help??

husbandofacoa · 10-31-2009, 08:42 PM

Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know that you loved you mother but you didn't make her drink and you could not have stopped what happened. You did the best that you knew how at the time.

Don't deny yourself the joys of life because of guilt. Your mother was responsbile for her actions. You are responsible for yours.

Try alanon. I have been in the program for 5 years. It has changed my life. You will find help and understanding and will meet people who have been where you are. I am praying for you.

discontentmiser · 11-01-2009, 03:09 PM

yes, I struggle with anger,

and I wish the world WAS fair, but I'm learning that I'll have to accept that it isn't fair, sooner or later.

I'm angry at my dad for "ruining" my life (he has severely impacted me)
I'm angry at my mom for abandoning me and never being around
I'm angry at the community/counsellors/etc for not figuring out I have a problem and not having institutions in place to make me better...

I'm sorry for your loss, even though I am not at all able to relate.

I also find alanon really helpful.

all I can say is that you should take care of yourself.

DM

ice17 · 11-04-2009, 06:06 PM

Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. All i can say is that the healing will take time. You have to work at forgiving your mother and also at not blaming yourself. Her decisions were her own. That is the hardest thing to accept. I think counselling is a great idea and can really help you to put things in perspective. Hang in there.

10-31-2009, 07:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
stacymarie10 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Marshfield, WI Posts: 1	Please welcome stacymarie10 I lost my mother in September 2009 to complications created by end-stage cirrhosis. I am suffering now with guilt for not making her get help, anger for all the years she drank and for all the things she said, and empathy for her depression and struggles. It's hard for me to even think about having children because my mom always looked forward to having grandchildren. I feel like my life is on hold now-- I don't know what to do now that she's gone. Now, my future children will never know her and that breaks my heart. I'm 27. My sister is 22. I never imagined we would end up without a mother. Mothers are supposed to be around for years beyond the 20's. People tell me they understand, they lost their mother too.... but they didn't lose their mother until they were in their 50's. We're still in our 20's, so I get mad because it isn't fair. Does anyone else struggle with this anger toward the parents, toward the community, toward other people who are just trying to help??

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10-31-2009, 08:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
husbandofacoa Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 101	Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know that you loved you mother but you didn't make her drink and you could not have stopped what happened. You did the best that you knew how at the time. Don't deny yourself the joys of life because of guilt. Your mother was responsbile for her actions. You are responsible for yours. Try alanon. I have been in the program for 5 years. It has changed my life. You will find help and understanding and will meet people who have been where you are. I am praying for you.

11-01-2009, 03:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
discontentmiser Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: canada Posts: 63	yes, I struggle with anger, and I wish the world WAS fair, but I'm learning that I'll have to accept that it isn't fair, sooner or later. I'm angry at my dad for "ruining" my life (he has severely impacted me) I'm angry at my mom for abandoning me and never being around I'm angry at the community/counsellors/etc for not figuring out I have a problem and not having institutions in place to make me better... I'm sorry for your loss, even though I am not at all able to relate. I also find alanon really helpful. all I can say is that you should take care of yourself. DM

11-04-2009, 06:06 PM	#4 (permalink)
ice17 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 16	Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. All i can say is that the healing will take time. You have to work at forgiving your mother and also at not blaming yourself. Her decisions were her own. That is the hardest thing to accept. I think counselling is a great idea and can really help you to put things in perspective. Hang in there.

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