falling into place...

[Rushl]

there is hope... better days ahead. although some days i still feel bitter about my mom not being here (& it's worste knowing the holidays are coming up) i feel okay. i haven't been able to say that in a long time. i'm not so consumed with guilt that i can function and actually realize the love me and my mom shared. i've realized i was missing the big picture all along, not remembering the love we shared only the hard times. i even had a dream about her... i've been praying for that for months now and it finally happened. seeing her in that dream was amazing.

although addicition sometimes takes people we love it doesn't have to end in pur trauma. adult children/wives/mothers can be okay. with the knowledge we have we can break cycles, love harder, & enjoy life because the we learned from our parents/friends/husbands what life is like with an addiction. it's almost like... a gift... given so that we don't have to suffer the way they did. the power of knowing addiciton without and before becoming one. for someone who is in control, has to be in control, it's hard to realize that you can't control everything... i can't have my mom back no matter what i do or say do...i have to deal with her not being here in a positive way. life with an addict was hard but life without my mother is harder and alot of people don't realize that. i did to late.

yes, i know... people have to hit rock bottom and we tend to have to give 'tough love" at times but i wouldn't wish the empty feeling i have now that my mom is gone on ANYONE. i stood by her and although we had bad moments that stick with me i know the love she had for me is completely irreplaceable so... do what's in your heart. love your addict to death if thats what your heart says because you can't get time back.

Some addicts don't have the want, need, to love... my mother did. for now i will shoot for better days trying to rid the negative thoughts and replace them with the good ones, the love, the motivation, and the experience i've gained. i sure do miss her.

rush

[bumblebee29]

I read every word of your post and don't know what to say, except how insightful you are. I'm sorry your Mum is no longer here, but I'm glad you're remembering the good times.

Hugs to you - take care of yourself xxx