hey hey... new to this, really need some support atm! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

juicyxluci · 10-26-2009, 02:43 PM

as long as i can remember my mom has been drunk!! there hasn't been a day in my 18 years of existance when my momma hasnt had a drink. im not perfect, and i like to dabble in drink AND substances myself. but i feel i am much more equipped to deal with this than my mom. my mom is the best person in the world, until around half four every night when she starts drinking. then she is cruel, and nasty, and miserable. she has been on anti depressants for years, and i really dont think the amount of alcohol she intakes helps her depression. everytime i talk to her about it, she just tells me how i am in no place to say as im not perfect myself. when i told one of my best friends what was going on at home he told me that she probably wont realise what shes doing until its too late and she falls victim to some horrible disease. i really blame myself for my moms drinking. when i ask her why she does it she often tells me that "bringing up a kid on her own wasnt easy" and "who wouldnt drink when they have to deal with you". i know im not the easiest of people to live with, but i wish my mom would recognize how much i love her and how much i miss her sober side. sorry to everyone for the soppy rant!

**DesertEyes** · 10-26-2009, 09:11 PM

Hello juicyxluci, and welcome to our little corner of recovery

A great place for support is your local meeting of al-anon. You can find them in your phone book. They are the experts at living with a family member or parent that is drunk and nasty. They have excellent books and pamphlets with all kinds of helpful suggestions.

Since you are still living with your mom you might want to check out the forum "next door":

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Take a little time to browse thru the "sticky posts" at the top, there's a lot of great suggestions and wisdom there.

I can't tell you about your Mom, but I know lots and lots of Moms that raised kids all on their own and didn't ever drink over it. One of the things we talk about is how an adult has the _choice_ to start drinking, and the _choice_ to go get help when the drinking gets out of control. It's not like you're chaining her to a dungeon and shoving it down her throat, if you know what I mean.

I'm glad you decided to join us and I hope you post some more.

Mike

LiveLikeGold6 · 10-27-2009, 03:39 AM

Hey girly! I started a thread called "living with the enemy" I'm going through pretty much the same thing as you. My mom has been a raging alcoholic since I was a little girl not even ten yet. I see her sober or semi-sober 0-2 times a week max. Reading about the disease and realizing that she is just sick helps me to understand what's going on and not blame myself. Please do check out alanon and do not blame yourself for your mothers illness. You may need to learn to detach with love just to protect your own sanity. Feel free to PM me if you ever wanna chat or need some help

All the best.

discontentmiser · 10-28-2009, 04:59 PM

hey, welcome!

I was getting worried since so many people on this forum have cut contact with their alcoholic that I was one of the few left still living with one.

Her drinking IS NOT YOUR FAULT

There's something the al-anon-ers call "the three C's":
you didn't cause her drinking
you can't control her drinking
you can't cure her drinking

only she can decide to stop drinking.

one thing I recommend is al-anon meetings.
I started going to al-anon last spring. It's hard at first to get the guts to start, but I find it really great to talk to other people who are going through/have gone through the same stuff as me.

Take care

DM

ice17 · 11-05-2009, 01:44 PM

Welcome Juicy. I am so sorry for the hurtful things that your mom says when she drinks. My dad used to do that a lot and as much as you tell yourself that they are drunk, it still hurts a lot.

Firstly, you must stop blaming yourself. As Discontent said, the 3 C's are very important. YOU DID NOT CAUSE HER DRINKING! ACoA's have a tendency to blame themselves and it doesnt help when their alcoholic parent/s shift their guilt by trying to blame their children. It is only when you move past this and realise that you are not to blame, that you can truly heal. This is a process and al-anon and counselling can be very helpful.

Another thing that might help is to video your mom when she is drunk and then show it to her when she is sober. I dont know if she would be receptive to listening to you, but if she is, it may help to show her what she is like and how she is hurtful.

Take care.

10-26-2009, 02:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
juicyxluci Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Birmingham UK Posts: 1	hey hey... new to this, really need some support atm! as long as i can remember my mom has been drunk!! there hasn't been a day in my 18 years of existance when my momma hasnt had a drink. im not perfect, and i like to dabble in drink AND substances myself. but i feel i am much more equipped to deal with this than my mom. my mom is the best person in the world, until around half four every night when she starts drinking. then she is cruel, and nasty, and miserable. she has been on anti depressants for years, and i really dont think the amount of alcohol she intakes helps her depression. everytime i talk to her about it, she just tells me how i am in no place to say as im not perfect myself. when i told one of my best friends what was going on at home he told me that she probably wont realise what shes doing until its too late and she falls victim to some horrible disease. i really blame myself for my moms drinking. when i ask her why she does it she often tells me that "bringing up a kid on her own wasnt easy" and "who wouldnt drink when they have to deal with you". i know im not the easiest of people to live with, but i wish my mom would recognize how much i love her and how much i miss her sober side. sorry to everyone for the soppy rant!

10-26-2009, 09:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
DesertEyes Starting over Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Skin city Posts: 2,485	Hello juicyxluci, and welcome to our little corner of recovery A great place for support is your local meeting of al-anon. You can find them in your phone book. They are the experts at living with a family member or parent that is drunk and nasty. They have excellent books and pamphlets with all kinds of helpful suggestions. Since you are still living with your mom you might want to check out the forum "next door": Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information Take a little time to browse thru the "sticky posts" at the top, there's a lot of great suggestions and wisdom there. I can't tell you about your Mom, but I know lots and lots of Moms that raised kids all on their own and didn't ever drink over it. One of the things we talk about is how an adult has the _choice_ to start drinking, and the _choice_ to go get help when the drinking gets out of control. It's not like you're chaining her to a dungeon and shoving it down her throat, if you know what I mean. I'm glad you decided to join us and I hope you post some more. Mike __________________ Sunsets are not endings. If I have enough faith, they are beginnings.

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10-27-2009, 03:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
LiveLikeGold6 SicknTired of bn SicknTired :) Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Northern California Posts: 65	Hey girly! I started a thread called "living with the enemy" I'm going through pretty much the same thing as you. My mom has been a raging alcoholic since I was a little girl not even ten yet. I see her sober or semi-sober 0-2 times a week max. Reading about the disease and realizing that she is just sick helps me to understand what's going on and not blame myself. Please do check out alanon and do not blame yourself for your mothers illness. You may need to learn to detach with love just to protect your own sanity. Feel free to PM me if you ever wanna chat or need some help All the best.

10-28-2009, 04:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
discontentmiser Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: canada Posts: 51	hey, welcome! I was getting worried since so many people on this forum have cut contact with their alcoholic that I was one of the few left still living with one. Her drinking IS NOT YOUR FAULT There's something the al-anon-ers call "the three C's": you didn't cause her drinking you can't control her drinking you can't cure her drinking only she can decide to stop drinking. one thing I recommend is al-anon meetings. I started going to al-anon last spring. It's hard at first to get the guts to start, but I find it really great to talk to other people who are going through/have gone through the same stuff as me. Take care DM

11-05-2009, 01:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
ice17 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 14	Welcome Juicy. I am so sorry for the hurtful things that your mom says when she drinks. My dad used to do that a lot and as much as you tell yourself that they are drunk, it still hurts a lot. Firstly, you must stop blaming yourself. As Discontent said, the 3 C's are very important. YOU DID NOT CAUSE HER DRINKING! ACoA's have a tendency to blame themselves and it doesnt help when their alcoholic parent/s shift their guilt by trying to blame their children. It is only when you move past this and realise that you are not to blame, that you can truly heal. This is a process and al-anon and counselling can be very helpful. Another thing that might help is to video your mom when she is drunk and then show it to her when she is sober. I dont know if she would be receptive to listening to you, but if she is, it may help to show her what she is like and how she is hurtful. Take care.

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