A Tendency I've Noticed

[dolce7dolore]

I've noticed a tendency with members here, especially newcomers, that come on here and APOLOGIZE! I probably apologized for my first 10 posts or so. We apologize for taking up too much space, taking up too much of someone's time, for writing too much. It's a consistent thing that I see every time I visit this site. Please don't get me wrong, because I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, it just seems to be one of those "uniting" characteristics that many of us share. It's almost a recognizable sign for me when someone starts their spiel by apologizing, and it honestly makes sense. It is a common characteristic to feel not worthy and especially not worthy of sharing one's feelings.

Has anyone else made a mental note of this?

[GiveLove]

Of course.

We all need to start out somewhere, and there are certainly some common thought patterns. "I'm sorry" is one. "Am I crazy?" is another notable one.

[Mandjas]

Is it me? Is one of my favourites.

You know it's funny, my husband comes from a family that live in each others pockets, socialise together all the time, phone each other every day etc etc. When one of them is going in to town or on holiday Or if they need help moving, or a babysitter and the list goes on.... they just assume that each other will help out with a ride or a car or a hand with anything really.

Apart from baby sitting for me, I have always felt like I put people out by asking them to do things for me. I will get a cab or hire a van, or ask if they don't mind or are ok with that.

I used to think they all assumed too much but really that's what families should be all about.

Interesting thought, thank you.

[takincareome]

I don't know if I've done it on here, but I apologize for *everything.* I think it's part of being a people-pleaser, common to ACOAs, or so says my therapist. I am a big people-pleaser. I learned at a young age that everyone else, especially my mother, came first and my job was to take care of them and not myself. Consequently, I tend to put others before myself even today and apologize frequently.

I am working on this. My husband is helping me not to apologize so often (in a supportive way). But I think this is a common behavior among some of us.

[Iwanttoheal]

Yip - I'm an "I'm sorry" type too. I'm sorry for wanting something, having needs, having my own expectations. Lord, I even apologise for things that I have absolutely nothing to do with - I'm working on it.

It's all to do with never being important enough as a child, the unspoken messages of never being worth enough to be looked after properly, of never being important enough to get the h*ll out of the alcoholic chaos, that your needs are not as important as those of the alcoholic and keeping up impression that there is "nothing wrong in our family". UGGGHHHH

[reverse]

Originally Posted by Mandjas

Is it me? Is one of my favourites.

You know it's funny, my husband comes from a family that live in each others pockets, socialise together all the time, phone each other every day etc etc. When one of them is going in to town or on holiday Or if they need help moving, or a babysitter and the list goes on.... they just assume that each other will help out with a ride or a car or a hand with anything really.

I used to think they all assumed too much but really that's what families should be all about.

This is exactly how I'm going to raise my own family and what I have been grieving the loss of since I was a child. I take comfort in knowing that I will be able to provide this for my children, teaching them to do the same.

[grewupinabarn]

I am not sure if 'I'm sorry' is the first thing out of my mouth when I open a conversation with to anyone, but it sure is in the top 5.