Mother's Day and Father's Day

[SteppingItUp]

Every time Mother's Day or Father's Day rolls around, I start getting stressed out. I look for cards or messages to send, but they just make me feel so sad. I can't say the things so many people say about their parents, like that they have always been soft, safe or supportive places in the world. It breaks my heart, and it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. It makes me feel like a bad person. I know I always find something to say or send in the end, but the whole process leaves me feeling anxious in the way only my family can make me feel. Am I the only one? Is there a better way?

[gowest]

You are not alone. I have always had this problem with the choice of cards.

I could never not give a card because it made me feel guilty.

My compromise was to find a card that was humorous or one that was not related to Mother's Day that expressed something that I felt was "true".

For example, this year my mother is going through a lot of change in her life. Much of it is emotionally difficult and scary for her especially since she is in her 70s. I gave her a card this morning with a quotation from Helen Keller on the front. Something about how if you stare at the doors that are closed too long you fail to see the other new doors around you that are opening up. Inside I wished her a happy mother's day and said I wish her strength in these challenging times.

I felt what I did was thoughtful with out having to "lie" (ie-send some syrupy card bout what a fabulous mom she always was which I don't feel)

So let yourself off the hook.

[GingerM]

Bwahaha! Um, no, you are not alone. Definitely not alone. Yesterday, hubby listed off the days that I get really wound up tight - mother's day, father's day, parental birthdays, my own birthday, Thanksgiving/Christmas/Winter Holidays (New Years day for me is always a tremendously happy day as it means I have another year to go before I have to deal with the holidays again).

As for the card, I've gone to making my own. I use cardstock bought at one of the big office stores, and I search cuteoverload.com for a picture that will work. This year the card is a couple of snails, one big one and one tiny one (sorta looks like mother/child) - the text inside the card says something about wishing her a slow and easy mother's day. Nothing at all about her being a great mother, just wishes that she had a relaxing day. I quit putting myself through the torture of going to the store and reading all the cards and trying to find one that wouldn't make me feel like a fraud.

Good luck to you today, and may the HP or fates or energies or whatever you need be with you.

[Sweets79]

Originally Posted by SteppingItUp

Every time Mother's Day or Father's Day rolls around, I start getting stressed out. I look for cards or messages to send, but they just make me feel so sad. I can't say the things so many people say about their parents, like that they have always been soft, safe or supportive places in the world. It breaks my heart, and it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. It makes me feel like a bad person. I know I always find something to say or send in the end, but the whole process leaves me feeling anxious in the way only my family can make me feel. Am I the only one? Is there a better way?

When Mother's Day rolls around, I have no problem finding a card...it looks like there are just so many too choose from, and alot of them seem to fit...When Father's Day comes I dread it...He is still an active alcoholic, but has gotten more somber in his older years...There is not ONE CARD that fits him...I look at the "From Daughter to Dad" section and I feel like I'm gonna hurl...Most of them are "Dad, thank you for being there for me, protecting me, loving me" "I look up to you" yada yada...I honestly do feel bad for him. I know he had a very rough childhood and an abusive alcoholic father and abusive stepmother...I know that doesn't make it right to have emotionally abused me as a child. I can honestly say I don't even know if I love him...I feel bad for him...I get along with him now for the most part (we are civil to eachother)...He tries to make an effort now,I see him trying....I know he tries to love me in his own sick way...One time I was shocked to find he saved almost every little card and letter I wrote him when I was younger...and sometimes even til this day, I will write a little note with a smiley face and put it on the fridge, and he still saves it...He recently put his baby picture and mine together in a double frame...he has it in the living room...I looked at it the other day and felt like I was going to cry...I looked so much like him when he was little, almost like brother and sister..and I aknowledge that, but it is a little too late...I'm grown now, and my personality has been shaped by many things (including the abusive childhood he put me through) I will talk with him sometimes for a little while, but I won't stay around him after his first two drinks...I know, then it's time to leave...Mother's Day I love...Father's Day, I dread.

[tromboneliness]

You're definitely not alone. My Mom died last November, so the barrage of Mother's Day coupons and ads is not exactly fun. As for my Dad, our relationship is... somewhat strained at this point. Not a happy time.

T

[Juneblues]

Originally Posted by SteppingItUp

Every time Mother's Day or Father's Day rolls around, I start getting stressed out. I look for cards or messages to send, but they just make me feel so sad. I can't say the things so many people say about their parents, like that they have always been soft, safe or supportive places in the world. It breaks my heart, and it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. It makes me feel like a bad person. I know I always find something to say or send in the end, but the whole process leaves me feeling anxious in the way only my family can make me feel. Am I the only one? Is there a better way?

well I try to take this day...as another 24 hour at a time...(when Im anxious)thats when I use it most... Still... happy Mothers Day!ps:I still think thats a title that Im not worth having...thats when Im not using my steps!but after a couple of minutes of going in the past(and trying to change it) I come back and give thanks to the world...for where Im at now...with all its content...

[GiveLove]

My husband laughed and gave me a hug in the card aisle the other day when I'd been standing there for a while and whined, "What kind of card do you buy for someone who hasn't been a good mother at all, in any way?"

I ended up with one that said something like, "Enjoy your special day!"

Yeah, a real dilemma. I try not to let it stress me out too much...I try to force my attention onto something else quickly.

Cards have been a real problem lately. I had the problem of buying a get well soon cards for a loved one that is NOT going to get well ever, and of what kind of birthday card to buy for a mentally ill brother. We muddle on through.....

Sigh.

[freya]

Well, personally, when I realized I was deeply offended that they didn't have s "Suitable for Business" section in the Fathers' Day cards, I decided that was probably a good sign that I shouldn't be sending one anyway!!!!!

freya

[DesertEyes]

I found me a charming little old lady who has no kids of her own. She's actually my ex-wife's stepmom. She's 96 yrs old and as sweet as can be.... ok, so she's not perfect, she does have _some_ issues, but compared to my biological family she's a _gem_.

She's outlived _three_ husbands, including my ex-wifes dad. Has no kids, no relatives left, and just one nephew that drops in a couple times a year. One fine day, some 15 years ago, I just told her that if I had been given a choice I would have picked _her_ for a Mom, instead of the one I got stuck with.

Poor thing started crying, she really missed not having children. And you know, I've missed not having a Mom. So we adopted each other

Ever since I call her "Mom" and she calls me "Son". I ring her up every Sunday, send her flowers and gifts, go visit her, and she tells me all about her life and what she's up to. Even keeps needling me about when I'm gonna find "a good woman" and get married again, just like a real Mom.

No sense wasting my love on people who don't appreciate it. I found me a better "Mom" who _does_ appreciate it and I now enjoy looking for cards and gifts and stuff.

Mike

[Wascally Wabbit]

Ha! This year, I just told my mom that I had bought a card, but lost it!