Resources for ACoA/Codependent issues at work?

[bragi]

Hi all -- hope you are well.

I've noticed that a lot of my issues and anxiety flare up while I'm at work. I'd like to become more content, resilient and relaxed while I'm at work.

Does anyone know of any books, sites, essays, etc., on codependency/ACoA issues in the workplace?

Thanks!

[GiveLove]

Hi bragi. I don't personally know of any, but I googled "codependency in the workplace" and "ACOA in the workplace" and found a few useful things. I also think it's worth taking a trip to the library and scanning the book cover titles to find your particular workplace issue (many of which are codependency related imho). They'd be around the 650's in terms of call numbers. Good luck and let us know if you turn up anything juicy. Lots of us find that the stress of our job brings out the worst of our ACOA/codie-ness.

[AbsentFriend]

Amazon.com: Self-Sabotage Syndrome: Adult Children in the Workplace: Janet G. Woititz: Books

[bragi]

AbsentFriend,

That's an intriguing book. Have you read it? What did you get out of it?

Thanks

[Psalm12140]

Hi Bragi,

I worked in a design/manufacturing job for years and would often overlook small details in making an order, requiring it to be remade and for me to be called on the carpet by my supervisor. Only recently have I realized how anxiety fueled that dynamic- make an error, reprimanded by boss, anger/fear, harder to focus, more errors.

My only thought would be to take a teeny window of space before undertaking a given task, say, several deep breaths followed by physically writing out what you'll do in manageable chunks. This is the kind of thing I wish I'd done in my previous job. This kind of thing may help to amp down any fear you're carrying at a given time so that you can function more effectively.

BTW, thanks for the response re: follow through. I've tended to stop projects not becuase they're no longer exciting but because of fear of failure. Still working on that one, heh heh. Hope this helps.

[dothi]

I have struggled with this so much, and still struggle with answers. I too have an insane fear of being reprimanded by my boss, to the point that any words of criticism get me rigid and defensive. I'm trying to lose this trait, and I'm constantly reminding myself that my boss is not my dad. He's not going to treat me like I'll never be good at this job because I made one mistake.

Whenever I feel the old thinking creeping in, and I'm debating whether or not I should approach my boss about a mistake I've made or even a general error, I try and think of it this way: what will take more time? I ask myself this all the time, and in spite of my insecurities, I let this answer dictate my next course of action. Cause ultimately my boss will be most impressed with whatever decision takes the least amount of time - whatever is most efficient. Bosses care that you're self-aware and can manage yourself - including your mistakes. I think any boss will tell you that in their experiences it's impossible to expect people to not make mistakes 100% of the time.

Now if only someone had explained that to our parents about kids...

[Lenore]

Originally Posted by dothi

Whenever I feel the old thinking creeping in, and I'm debating whether or not I should approach my boss about a mistake I've made or even a general error, I try and think of it this way: what will take more time? I ask myself this all the time, and in spite of my insecurities, I let this answer dictate my next course of action. Cause ultimately my boss will be most impressed with whatever decision takes the least amount of time - whatever is most efficient. Bosses care that you're self-aware and can manage yourself - including your mistakes. I think any boss will tell you that in their experiences it's impossible to expect people to not make mistakes 100% of the time.

I recently went on a course about confidence and anxiety in the workplace and this is exactly what the course co-ordinator told us. She said that most people would rather you say that you have made a mistake so it can be quickly dealt with or ask how to do something 20 times and get it right, rather than struggling on without telling anybody. That was a bit of a revelation to me, as my anxiety means that I often do made mistakes and I'm so het up that I struggle to take in information, but I felt like I should do everything right first time or I'd be a terrible employee!

I really struggle with keeping jobs, I find that they begin to take over my life to the point where I can't think of anything else and one morning something will just *pop* in my mind and I can't go back anymore. I have the Janet Woititz book, but haven't read it yet (working through her book on Acoa's in relationships at the mo), but will let everyone know what it's like when I get through it

[bragi]

My only thought would be to take a teeny window of space before undertaking a given task, say, several deep breaths followed by physically writing out what you'll do in manageable chunks.

Janet Woititz's book Adult Children of Alcoholics recommends planning things out too. Her posit is that ACoA's simply never learned how to follow something through and plan and execute projects (and how to decide to work on projects). I tend to strongly agree with her. I haven't read that whole book, but that part was extremely helpful.

I'd also recommend the book Procrastination: Why you do it, what to do about it. I've recommended it before, but I just looked at it again last night, and it is an absolute gold mine. I think it explores a lot of territory Woititz wouldn't consider "procrastination" -- issues that get in the way of many types of people from getting things done. Fear of Failure is certainly one of the major topics in that book, too.

[bragi]

Lenore,

I'll be looking forward to hear what you think about the Woititz workplace book

Insightful comments!

[GiveLove]

I was the world's worst procrastinator until I became self-employed. Now, my boss is all over my back 24/7 Seriously though, there was nothing like being able to send an invoice the minute I get something done to jar me out of my old habits.....and you know what they say, practice makes perfect....the more I do it "right" the less I'm tempted back to my old ways.

Now I'm just a talented amateur procrastinator. And I'm okay with myself that way.

[DesertEyes]

Great thread gang, you want I make it a sticky?

Mike

[Theresa]

This is quick to access and fun to read:

Tao of Prosperity Codependent Traps to Avoid in Business

[bragi]

Theresa,

Thanks for the link. This blog looks good!

The thing I found most useful/interesting in this post is the following list of "internal rules":

Here are some examples of internal rules that can get in our way:

* If something goes wrong, it’s my fault.
* If someone is angry, I’m to blame.
* If someone’s upset, I caused it and it’s my job to make them feel better.
* If someone is in trouble, I automatically should help them.
* No one else can do this work. My clients need me.