OK--Normal Behavior - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

lyn_blossom78 · 08-11-2003, 06:22 AM

On #1 of your list of 13, how would you define normal behavior? Is there a book out dictating what "normal" is? Help!?! I've always struggled with "what do other families do in this or that situation?"

Lyn

antreeta · 08-11-2003, 08:03 AM

#1--Saying no, setting boundaries.

Is there such a thing as normal? I think I have seen people do this, but not very gracefully.

srepty · 08-11-2003, 07:46 PM

Lyn, There is also a book by the title Adult Clildrens Guide to Whats Normal. At least I think that's the name.
I think what Antreeta said is true too, I just have a heck of a time setting them and saying NO!
Good luck!

lyn_blossom78 · 08-12-2003, 06:28 AM

Oh, I meant #1 of the 13 characteristics of Adult Children. Adult Children of Alcoholics guess at what being normal is (I believe it says).

Ok, saying no and setting boundaries. Hmmm--definitely need to work on the saying no part. I jumped up when Squinty complained about the sinkful of dishes the other night, when I was just too tired to care about them. But I did them anyways. So, that's not normal. Not doing them would have been setting boundaries how? As you can see, I have a long way to go. I spend so much time trying to appease the whole world that I spend a lot of time in utter exhaustion, and depression.

Definitely going to look for that book, srepty. Thanks so much for your replies, antreeta and srepty.

I'm not sure there is such thing as normal at this point, either!

Lyn

JT · 08-13-2003, 05:30 AM

Hi Lyn!

Personally I would say if the dishes are bothering you feel free to do them yourself! Not very recovered, I realize, but I have an issue with that whole "woman's work" theory. If you met Ward you would know that is true.

Have you ever wondered what "normal" is? That is what #1 means. I have always felt out of step...not so much any more ...but guessing at how to behave instead of doing what your heart tells you is a message sent by the dysfuntion we lived with.

Hugs,
JT

antreeta · 08-13-2003, 09:08 AM

Normal is a hard thing. Lots of people I thought were "normal" then I dug deeper and they have issues, too. Too permissive with kids, can't say no--(on all these committees). I am trying real hard, Wait...I thought of someone. The whole family is real strong in church activities, generation after generation, their kids turned out well, they are successful. They seem to have a happy marriage, I was in their home many times. Wow. *They have problmes but they stick together. (support)
Hmmm. Nobody drinks either. * No one is controlling. The wife even though she was a homemaker was not upset at the hours he had to keep sometimes with church and business. * She accepted it. *They told their children no. They are out there. I had almost forgotten about them.
I feel like I am on a scavenger hunt now. LOL. Where are the normal people?
*Indicates normal activity (right?)

moon90 · 08-13-2003, 10:58 AM

I have a book called "The Complete ACOA Sourcebook" by Woititz.
Its very good and has made me think alot of my behavior is normal for an ACOA. I was wondering why I do the crazy things I do.
I cant seem to stay in one place long. And my relationships all seem to burn out cause I find something wrong with them.
The only outlet I have is work and I do that most of the time. I would rather work than deal with social life.

08-11-2003, 06:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
lyn_blossom78 Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 444	OK--Normal Behavior On #1 of your list of 13, how would you define normal behavior? Is there a book out dictating what "normal" is? Help!?! I've always struggled with "what do other families do in this or that situation?" Lyn __________________ If God is for us, who can be against us?

08-12-2003, 06:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
lyn_blossom78 Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 444	Oh, I meant #1 of the 13 characteristics of Adult Children. Adult Children of Alcoholics guess at what being normal is (I believe it says). Ok, saying no and setting boundaries. Hmmm--definitely need to work on the saying no part. I jumped up when Squinty complained about the sinkful of dishes the other night, when I was just too tired to care about them. But I did them anyways. So, that's not normal. Not doing them would have been setting boundaries how? As you can see, I have a long way to go. I spend so much time trying to appease the whole world that I spend a lot of time in utter exhaustion, and depression. Definitely going to look for that book, srepty. Thanks so much for your replies, antreeta and srepty. I'm not sure there is such thing as normal at this point, either! Lyn __________________ If God is for us, who can be against us?

08-13-2003, 05:30 AM	#5 (permalink)
JT Supply Manager Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Cleaverville Posts: 2,903	Hi Lyn! Personally I would say if the dishes are bothering you feel free to do them yourself! Not very recovered, I realize, but I have an issue with that whole "woman's work" theory. If you met Ward you would know that is true. Have you ever wondered what "normal" is? That is what #1 means. I have always felt out of step...not so much any more ...but guessing at how to behave instead of doing what your heart tells you is a message sent by the dysfuntion we lived with. Hugs, JT __________________ The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer

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08-11-2003, 08:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
antreeta Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: missouri Posts: 95	#1--Saying no, setting boundaries. Is there such a thing as normal? I think I have seen people do this, but not very gracefully.

08-11-2003, 07:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
srepty Paused Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Louisville, KY Posts: 19	Lyn, There is also a book by the title Adult Clildrens Guide to Whats Normal. At least I think that's the name. I think what Antreeta said is true too, I just have a heck of a time setting them and saying NO! Good luck!

08-13-2003, 09:08 AM	#6 (permalink)
antreeta Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: missouri Posts: 95	Normal is a hard thing. Lots of people I thought were "normal" then I dug deeper and they have issues, too. Too permissive with kids, can't say no--(on all these committees). I am trying real hard, Wait...I thought of someone. The whole family is real strong in church activities, generation after generation, their kids turned out well, they are successful. They seem to have a happy marriage, I was in their home many times. Wow. They have problmes but they stick together. (support) Hmmm. Nobody drinks either. No one is controlling. The wife even though she was a homemaker was not upset at the hours he had to keep sometimes with church and business. * She accepted it. They told their children no. They are out there. I had almost forgotten about them. I feel like I am on a scavenger hunt now. LOL. Where are the normal people? Indicates normal activity (right?)

08-13-2003, 10:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
moon90 Paused Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: gainesville,fl Posts: 1	I have a book called "The Complete ACOA Sourcebook" by Woititz. Its very good and has made me think alot of my behavior is normal for an ACOA. I was wondering why I do the crazy things I do. I cant seem to stay in one place long. And my relationships all seem to burn out cause I find something wrong with them. The only outlet I have is work and I do that most of the time. I would rather work than deal with social life.

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