thotful

I wrote something in another forum that is one of those "aha" moments where I realize...I need to take my own advice! Such is the value of support groups!

I stated that with any relationship we might need to consider the return on investment with our emotional energy. If we put a LOT into it and not much else comes back. OR....even worse, we receive negative energy our way...why would we keep coming back?? That our emotional energy will have far more positive returns if invested somewhere else.

I need to take this advice. I've put an enormous amount of energy into relationships that are not returning anything for me. It's a dried up well and I'm scraping for water. While there's a perfectly good well only a few paces over.

For example, my used-to-be close friend didn't respond to my baby announcement. Why was I so surprised? I knew he had spoken poorly about my marriage, that while we were dating he had stated "you compromise because she has sex with you", the list goes on. I would often complain about his behavior to my wife. Then he posts a response on FB to congratulate another couple on their having a baby. Boy, did I feel furious. My wife said that I needed to let my friend go. That we really weren't friends anymore. I've also sent e-mails with no response.

So, in my example, this ex-friend is a dried-up well. I have another friend who has essentially replaced him. This other friend is 10 times more supportive, friendly, and understanding. Like a well that is actually functional. I am working on accepting the dried-up well that is the old friend and the great friendship I have with the other person.

This extends to just about every relationship I have. Put energy into the ones that are working, and let go of the ones that aren't.

I will try to stop depositing emotional energy into banks that have dried up and give me negative energy in response.

Time to take better care of me and invest my energy elsewhere.

One day at a time.

happybeingme

That's why I went no contact with my mom. Not only was the well dry of water it was actually returning noxious fumes

kudzujean

Thanks for that post. I've noticed that, looking over my life, I have more instances of that sort of thing than I'd like. Where I'm a lot more invested emotionally than the other person.

Progress, not perfection!