Owner's Manual for an ACoA

[GiveLove]

I am working on "me" this month (surprise, surprise ) and wanted to enlist the help of the smart and creative people that pop in here.

At the suggestion of the book "The Not So Big Life" I am putting together a sort of "owner's manual" or "operating instructions" for keeping this girl healthy and functioning. I know some of the periodic maintenance kinds of things I need to do (writing here, talking to a counselor, etc.) but am also trying to put together a list of things that I can build into Daily or Weekly life that will increase my chances of staying stable, happy, and healthy.

What are the things YOU do to keep your mind and body (and therefore mind) on an even keel? Do you take a multivitamin or some other supplement? Try to sit in the sun for 15 minutes? Take a half-hour of Me Time every day? Get X minutes of exercise? Write your emotions down in a journal? Talk to a certain friend who helps you stay out of the sticky emotions?

I'm interested in what other people do because I am simply dreadful at self-care, and I think it really contributes to me falling into these awful mental states.

This year, I want to get better.

Care to share what you do -- or what you know you SHOULD do?

Thanks, everybody

[Uncertain Me]

GiveLove --

What a great idea: a book of ideas to refer too. I am also bad at remembering what worked last time; as you know, I fall into those spots too often to feel happy about.

Things I've done - more sporadically than consistently - are journal, read Buddhist meditation books, take walks (when the weather isn't sub-zero or sleeting!), and use the phone. Even my 13-year-old recognized how I will call friends when I'm stressed and how that helps me get even-keeled again. I worry, always, that I'm relying too much on my friends (so my patient sister gets more of the calls than maybe she wants ), but especially with the support from here, I keep trying to remind myself that my friends are able to say if they are overwhelmed, etc. - I don't have to do that for them.

I think that one of the best set of things I have gathered, though, are the various ideas from here - including all of your wisdom, GL. (I have been assigning all kinds of areas to my Wonder Woman Princess, for example.) I think that remembering that you have a huge amount of insight yourself would be a good thing to list - believe or trust in your own insights!

I guess I use a lot of momentary escapism - watching movies, reading good books, listening to specific music, etc. - to help break out of my mental rewind.

I don't know if any of these things are adding anything new, but maybe it's helpful for me to just restate them...

I'd be interested to see/read your final list; I am sure I'd find things that I could use as well.

:ghug
UM

[GingerM]

I try very hard to make sure that at least once per week I do something *totally and completely* for me. Something which does nothing for anyone else.

One thing I try to do is give myself 30 minutes around dinner time of "no responsibilities". This means that for half an hour per day, I 'schedule' time to not feel guilty about doing something for me. I put the puppy in his crate if I have to, and I eat dinner. Sometimes I read the paper or a book while I"m doing it. I note the time so I know how much longer I have of "me" time. Some nights the stars align just right and I can take a whole evening of me time - but most of the time not. In either case I get my 30 minutes without obligations (I also don't answer the phone during this time).

The past two weeks my "me" activity has been reading a series of books I've wanted to read. I give myself half a day somewhere during the week to just read for me. Sometimes my "just for me" is watching movies or tv shows. During my "me" time, no one else is allowed to be part of it. It's my chance to sit inside my own skin. Sometimes I just sit and stare off into space or take a hot bath or sit by a fire. Whatever it is, it isn't for anyone else's benefit but my own.

This time reminds me that I am just as important as everyone else and everything else on my list of 'to do's.

[JT]

I love this idea!

I have a history of ups and downs. When I am up I get a little lazy in maintaining it so I end up down again fighting my way back. I do almost all of the things mentioned up until now. Getting outdoors does a lot for me. Fresh air lifts my spirits faster than anything so, being in the north, I have recently outfitted myself so that I can take a walk in any weather. I took a walk in a snow storm with my dog and my camera. The sun is good (and bad) and it is outside, a vitamin, exercise gets the endorphins going. I also journal. Books are good and TV is bad for me-except for Gray's...tonight!

A big thing for me is getting enough sleep. Being rested is huge for me.

Let me say again that I love this idea. I have a journaling software that I love. I think I will add a catagory that is JT's owner's manual.


Thx!

[Wascally Wabbit]

GL, what I do, believe it or not, to relieve my stress is post here. It's kinda like a journal I guess. I do take vitamins.
But mostly, I continue to learn how not to be taken advantage of. This one thing has been my downfall all my life.
Slowly, I have learned that "NO!" is a complete sentance. This one thing alone has saved me from overloading myself and taking on too much responsibility.

[DesertEyes]

Great idea!!!

I do something like Ginger's "me time". Once a week I take myself out to lunch, with a good book. The cell is turned off, I get there a little early to get a good table, and just make that time a little "island of serenity" where I unplug from the world and all it's problems. This helps me "Recharge my emotional batteries"

During the week I make it a point to call each one of my recovery friends, just to see how _they_ are doing and listen to _them_. This helps me get out of my own problems.

Every time I get home from work I stop for a minute and just enjoy having a home to come to after work, a job to pay the bills with, a car that runs, and some nice trees across the street to look at from my garage. It's my minute of gratitude for having a life that really is better than anything I ever imagined as a child. This keeps from growing resentments about the stuff that is not going my way in my life.

Before bed I get on my knees and say a prayer for all the people I know who are in pain. This helps me relax before bed, and makes me feel that I have done something useful for them besides just listen to them.

I hang around here and read. This gives me a huge shot of hope and inspiration, cuz I see perfect strangers reaching out to each other to give help and support in a way I have never seen anywhere else in the world. When I have a bit of experience, I share about it as that helps me remember the lessons I would otherwise forget from lack of use.

I take direction from the people I have come to respect, even though sometimes I disagree. I was told by a few of my "support group" that I need to get more rest as I recover from my latest surgery. I _hate_ sitting around resting, I want to be _busy_ and out there in the world living life. But I also know that my own judgement in this area is not always the best, so I have cut back on a lot of my commitments and spending more time in bed.... resting.

I ask for help from people who know more than I do. My lady and I recently went thru a huge crisis with my surgery, and we're both still reeling from the experience. So we're looking for a counselor and get an expert to listen to us and help us get thru this challenge.

Oh yeah, I excercise my body too, and eat healthy. I have a bunch of physical limitations, so I had a nutritionist and a physical therapist help me make a plan. I stick to the plan and do as those experts told me. If all goes well, next month I'll be able to start doing yoga again

Mike

[Midnightfrost]

Love this idea! I know my rescue tool when I can't get my heart to slow down and my mind from racing is my favorite visualizations. Me standing at the beginning of a long pier over looking a calm beautiful lake. As I head down the pier all the worries, history, issues weighing me down slowly float off like a balloon whose string I've cut towards the end of the pier I'm running and taking off over the water I'm so light. I drift back down to the surface and float on an intertube. The weather is beautiful, the temp is perfect, and the water is wonderful. It helps me relax.

Everyday things include taking deep relaxing breaths when I'm feeling anxious. Stopping to figure out what feels out of place instead of blocking it out and pushing forward. Walking. I love walking. Calling friends and family. Taking a few minutes to look around and appreciate a beautiful day, moment, morning, evening etc. And of course remembering the power of NO like Wabbit. Nothing makes me feel more impowered and comfortable than setting and sticking to boundaries.

[LaDita]

I'm not sure if there's much more I could add to the great ones already listed, but reinforce exercise.
Take a class in something that really interests you.
Write.
Stretch (looooove stretching)
Read a good book
Go to the park
Visit a cosmetics counter and get free samples (one of my favorites)
Cook something new, try a new recipe

I'm sure I can think of more, I'll post again if more idea's come along.

[lightseeker]

These are all great reminders of what I forget to do so easily - take care of me and keep the focus on my feelings and needs. To this day, that still doesn't feel "right" but I intellectually understand it.

I think that waht helps me the most is to remember that this is a life long journey....I get better and then slack off on what makes me better. I have to remember to continue to take my medicine on a daily basis.

[Kallista]

This is all overkill, and I developed this routine over an extended period of time. Pick and choose as you will.

1. I get 30 minutes or more of exercise 3-5 times a week. (The goal is 5, but during busy weeks 3 is 'good enough.') Find something you like to do -- yoga, running, swimming, walking, aerobics. If you can get a partner, that's better.

2. I'm in AA, so 1 meeting a week is required. More is good, but 1 is absolutely necessary.

3. I save 15% of my salary in my 401(k) for retirement. If it goes in the account before I get paid, I don't miss it so much.

4. I keep a "prudent reserve" equal to three months expenses in a savings account. I keep a monthly budget and draw up an annual budget and a 5 year plan. I revisit those plans in January and July to make sure they're still working and revise them if I need to.

5. Sex is good. It keeps me connected to my husband. 1-2 times a week is the goal. It doesn't have to be a full scale production. "Bread and butter" married sex is also helpful. (If that's TMI, sorry.)

6. I limit fast food runs to 1-2 times a week, and try to pick the least calorie laden as I go. A Happy Meal at McDonalds with a cheeseburger, apple dippers, and a diet coke is less than 400 calories and is less than $4.

7. I eat one "sit down" meal with my kids a day. It's usually breakfast, not dinner, because of our schedules, but we eat together.

8. I take my kids to the park or pool or playground once a week.

9. I schedule my check-ups around my birthday. It helps me remember to do it. So, in April, I get an eye exam (I'm horribly near-sighted), my annual well woman exam at the OB-GYN, and visit the dentist.

10. I clean my house on Sunday morning -- bathrooms, kitchen, vacuuming, finish the laundry, change all the sheets, everything.

11. I do a load of laundry every morning. If I do this, there's no so much to do on the weekend.

12. I run the dishwasher every night and clean the sink. My husband runs the dishes in the morning. They don't stack up this way.

[duet_4-8]

I create art. Nothing spectatular, just for me. It started as just scrapbooking, but has evolved into more of a multimedia way to get my feelings out there.

I continually am working on learning new things. I had my intellect 'on hold' for so many years that I just love that. I finished up my BS in December and now am taking an online course just because I wanted to.

I constantly listen to uplifting music; it is on in every room of my house. ;-)

I journal about my feelings, without censoring myself.

Most importantly, I talk to God. A lot.

[AbsentFriend]

I adopted a dog - and channel all of my caregiving energy to her instead of people who don't deserve it!

[jaclynrae]

look online at CLUBFI.com many different resources

[GiveLove]

jaclynrae, that link doesn't work...?

[LaDita]

Here's a couple more that I recently decided to do for myself.

Never go to be bed angry, sad or anxious.
Before going to bed, if you're watching television, reading, or on the computer, make sure that the very last thing you see is positive and uplifting. Before I sign off of the computer, I always come here so that I am left feeling good.

Also, never eat when you're upset (I've done it a few times and it really affected my digestion and overall mood). I've read that in a few a few book written by some well-known spiritual teachers.

[grewupinabarn]

Hmmm.
Well, I am still physically healthy and that helps. I have really never gone without some kind of aerobic exercise 3 times a week since I was in 6th grade (biking, running, hiking, canoeing, ect - inside or out, even in crappy motel rooms).
As for maintaining serenity, sanity and perspective - can I get back to you on that, umm, later? Like the next inauguration? (hopefully the same guy)?

[SistersHelp]

Bath and book.
Snuggling with the puppies.
Snuggling with hubby.
Reading trashy magazines.
Reading something REAL.
Phoning friends.
Phoning mum and dad.
Going for a walk alone.
Going out for dinner.
Putting on pajamas after work, even if it's only 5:00pm.
Laughing. A lot of laughing. (Life is funny if you pay attention.)

(just a few things that make me feel good)

[GiveLove]

In "the Joy Diet" Martha Beck recommends that human beings get a minimum of 30 laughs per day ("LPD")

[Psalm12140]

Hello everyone:

I'm new here, just registered a few minutes ago. I've appreciated the self-care threads; the postings that address personal orginization and cleanliness are particularly encouraging as that's what I'm focused on right now. This has been a real emotional challenge, as follow-through is a real struggle for me. I'm working on a weekly regimen of housekeeping- my wife is finishing grad school so I'm doing my best to hold down the fort
with our two-year old. I'd love to hear more from folks around the issue of keeping commitments - for example, simply seeking support online is a commitment to my wife that i've been failing to keep for four months now up to today. I'd welcome other thoughts.

[jenn03]

This is a GREAT idea!! There is not much to add, infact I have gotten some GREAT ideas... but I thought I would share anyways!

I try to look at things I do daily as things I am doing for me. i.e., I don't do the dishes because I HAVE to, I do them because I like to eat from a clean plate. I take a shower, get dressed, put make up on, for ME, so that I will feel better about myself.

I try to sneek excercise in (although, I will be honest, I am working on that one). I too LOVE stretching!

I keep my house orderly and straightened throughout the day.

I make it a point to spend at least 15 minutes a day of QUALITY time with each kid.

I try new recipes and am working on my cooking skills.

I journal and talk to a friend (if only for a minute).

Sundays are my pamper days. I lock myself away in the bath tub. I do a facial scrub, pedicure, manicure, the works. I take some time for me to begin the week, and feel better about the way I look throughout the week.

I work on time management skills consistently. I try to keep myself on a schedule, and have certain days for everything (i.e. I run errands on Wednesdays, clean house on Fridays, do paperwork on Tuesdays). This lets me "schedule" things with my self. so their in my planner, not cluttering my mind.

I have recently started attending ACoA meetings.

Oh - and I read!

LOL - Can you tell I have been focusing on "me-time" lately???

GL- keep us posted on how your instruction manual is coming, I LOVE that idea!

[newdawnnewday]

The only thing that has ever worked for me is at least 15 minutes of internal reflection at the end of every day. It could be in the form of meditative prayer, writing, or contemplative thought, but the purpose is all the same: a reflection on where I am in life, and specifically what I did that day (good and bad), as well as how to improve tomorrow. I have found that this 15 minutes drives everything into a positive direction in my life: in my varied relationships as a spouse, mom, sister, friend; in my job and tasks each day; in the physical aspect of my life (health/weight); and overall, in the quality of my life.

[GiveLove]

I have to tell you - point out really - that I wrote this post a year ago. And had mostly forgotten about it, to tell you the truth.

BUT lately I've found myself in the same funk, the same spot as I was a year ago, and was wondering what I should do to pull myself out of it. Feeling sick and sad and hopeless. So one day last week I stop in here, and voila! There's my own voice, pointing out all the things I should be doing.

Scary!

I've started anew my little owner's manual, and I hope not to forget it this time.

[jenn03]

oh wow - I didn't even notice that... how neat!!