Owner's Manual for an ACoA

[GiveLove]

I am working on "me" this month (surprise, surprise ) and wanted to enlist the help of the smart and creative people that pop in here.

At the suggestion of the book "The Not So Big Life" I am putting together a sort of "owner's manual" or "operating instructions" for keeping this girl healthy and functioning. I know some of the periodic maintenance kinds of things I need to do (writing here, talking to a counselor, etc.) but am also trying to put together a list of things that I can build into Daily or Weekly life that will increase my chances of staying stable, happy, and healthy.

What are the things YOU do to keep your mind and body (and therefore mind) on an even keel? Do you take a multivitamin or some other supplement? Try to sit in the sun for 15 minutes? Take a half-hour of Me Time every day? Get X minutes of exercise? Write your emotions down in a journal? Talk to a certain friend who helps you stay out of the sticky emotions?

I'm interested in what other people do because I am simply dreadful at self-care, and I think it really contributes to me falling into these awful mental states.

This year, I want to get better.

Care to share what you do -- or what you know you SHOULD do?

Thanks, everybody

[Uncertain Me]

GiveLove --

What a great idea: a book of ideas to refer too. I am also bad at remembering what worked last time; as you know, I fall into those spots too often to feel happy about.

Things I've done - more sporadically than consistently - are journal, read Buddhist meditation books, take walks (when the weather isn't sub-zero or sleeting!), and use the phone. Even my 13-year-old recognized how I will call friends when I'm stressed and how that helps me get even-keeled again. I worry, always, that I'm relying too much on my friends (so my patient sister gets more of the calls than maybe she wants ), but especially with the support from here, I keep trying to remind myself that my friends are able to say if they are overwhelmed, etc. - I don't have to do that for them.

I think that one of the best set of things I have gathered, though, are the various ideas from here - including all of your wisdom, GL. (I have been assigning all kinds of areas to my Wonder Woman Princess, for example.) I think that remembering that you have a huge amount of insight yourself would be a good thing to list - believe or trust in your own insights!

I guess I use a lot of momentary escapism - watching movies, reading good books, listening to specific music, etc. - to help break out of my mental rewind.

I don't know if any of these things are adding anything new, but maybe it's helpful for me to just restate them...

I'd be interested to see/read your final list; I am sure I'd find things that I could use as well.


UM

[GingerM]

I try very hard to make sure that at least once per week I do something *totally and completely* for me. Something which does nothing for anyone else.

One thing I try to do is give myself 30 minutes around dinner time of "no responsibilities". This means that for half an hour per day, I 'schedule' time to not feel guilty about doing something for me. I put the puppy in his crate if I have to, and I eat dinner. Sometimes I read the paper or a book while I"m doing it. I note the time so I know how much longer I have of "me" time. Some nights the stars align just right and I can take a whole evening of me time - but most of the time not. In either case I get my 30 minutes without obligations (I also don't answer the phone during this time).

The past two weeks my "me" activity has been reading a series of books I've wanted to read. I give myself half a day somewhere during the week to just read for me. Sometimes my "just for me" is watching movies or tv shows. During my "me" time, no one else is allowed to be part of it. It's my chance to sit inside my own skin. Sometimes I just sit and stare off into space or take a hot bath or sit by a fire. Whatever it is, it isn't for anyone else's benefit but my own.

This time reminds me that I am just as important as everyone else and everything else on my list of 'to do's.

[JT]

I love this idea!

I have a history of ups and downs. When I am up I get a little lazy in maintaining it so I end up down again fighting my way back. I do almost all of the things mentioned up until now. Getting outdoors does a lot for me. Fresh air lifts my spirits faster than anything so, being in the north, I have recently outfitted myself so that I can take a walk in any weather. I took a walk in a snow storm with my dog and my camera. The sun is good (and bad) and it is outside, a vitamin, exercise gets the endorphins going. I also journal. Books are good and TV is bad for me-except for Gray's...tonight!

A big thing for me is getting enough sleep. Being rested is huge for me.

Let me say again that I love this idea. I have a journaling software that I love. I think I will add a catagory that is JT's owner's manual.


Thx!

[Wascally Wabbit]

GL, what I do, believe it or not, to relieve my stress is post here. It's kinda like a journal I guess. I do take vitamins.
But mostly, I continue to learn how not to be taken advantage of. This one thing has been my downfall all my life.
Slowly, I have learned that "NO!" is a complete sentance. This one thing alone has saved me from overloading myself and taking on too much responsibility.

[DesertEyes]

Great idea!!!

I do something like Ginger's "me time". Once a week I take myself out to lunch, with a good book. The cell is turned off, I get there a little early to get a good table, and just make that time a little "island of serenity" where I unplug from the world and all it's problems. This helps me "Recharge my emotional batteries"

During the week I make it a point to call each one of my recovery friends, just to see how _they_ are doing and listen to _them_. This helps me get out of my own problems.

Every time I get home from work I stop for a minute and just enjoy having a home to come to after work, a job to pay the bills with, a car that runs, and some nice trees across the street to look at from my garage. It's my minute of gratitude for having a life that really is better than anything I ever imagined as a child. This keeps from growing resentments about the stuff that is not going my way in my life.

Before bed I get on my knees and say a prayer for all the people I know who are in pain. This helps me relax before bed, and makes me feel that I have done something useful for them besides just listen to them.

I hang around here and read. This gives me a huge shot of hope and inspiration, cuz I see perfect strangers reaching out to each other to give help and support in a way I have never seen anywhere else in the world. When I have a bit of experience, I share about it as that helps me remember the lessons I would otherwise forget from lack of use.

I take direction from the people I have come to respect, even though sometimes I disagree. I was told by a few of my "support group" that I need to get more rest as I recover from my latest surgery. I _hate_ sitting around resting, I want to be _busy_ and out there in the world living life. But I also know that my own judgement in this area is not always the best, so I have cut back on a lot of my commitments and spending more time in bed.... resting.

I ask for help from people who know more than I do. My lady and I recently went thru a huge crisis with my surgery, and we're both still reeling from the experience. So we're looking for a counselor and get an expert to listen to us and help us get thru this challenge.

Oh yeah, I excercise my body too, and eat healthy. I have a bunch of physical limitations, so I had a nutritionist and a physical therapist help me make a plan. I stick to the plan and do as those experts told me. If all goes well, next month I'll be able to start doing yoga again

Mike

[Midnightfrost]

Love this idea! I know my rescue tool when I can't get my heart to slow down and my mind from racing is my favorite visualizations. Me standing at the beginning of a long pier over looking a calm beautiful lake. As I head down the pier all the worries, history, issues weighing me down slowly float off like a balloon whose string I've cut towards the end of the pier I'm running and taking off over the water I'm so light. I drift back down to the surface and float on an intertube. The weather is beautiful, the temp is perfect, and the water is wonderful. It helps me relax.

Everyday things include taking deep relaxing breaths when I'm feeling anxious. Stopping to figure out what feels out of place instead of blocking it out and pushing forward. Walking. I love walking. Calling friends and family. Taking a few minutes to look around and appreciate a beautiful day, moment, morning, evening etc. And of course remembering the power of NO like Wabbit. Nothing makes me feel more impowered and comfortable than setting and sticking to boundaries.