13 Characteristics of Adult Children

[alex419]

where did this list come from?? i would love to show it to a friend, but know that he'll need to know it's source....

[cali]

omg I failed LOL

1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.

6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.

7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.

8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.

9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.

10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.

11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.

12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

[Morning Glory]

where did this list come from?? i would love to show it to a friend, but know that he'll need to know it's source....

http://www.drjan.com/

[Ellelove89]

that sounds like me and is alittle scary because i like the thought that i got out of everything unthought guess not

[lostnfound1961]

I scored 100, do I get a prize. (sorry, not so funny) I realy do fit every thing on that list. I come from a long line of drinkers and am married to one. I my self stopped drinking 13 months ago as my life was so out of controle that I am suprised I didn't either kill my self or someone else with my one eyed driving and manic behavoir.
D

[redbear]

My mom is an alcoholic, I can't remember a day that I haven't seen my mom with a beer in her hand. Your words were very powerful and I have had to really stop and think about it. I have come to the conculsion that every relations I have had has been with someone with an addiction problem, I am deal with an addiction problem and I have married an alcoholic. We are both been sober for 6 weeks and I don't want to have my girls turn out like me. I have one daughter that is 14 and 3yrs. Is it to late for any of them, how do I make sure they do not have the same problems I still keep having, please help?

[insanebrain]

what an eyeopener this is! both of my parents are alcoholics, my mother a very abusive one. im just kind of stunned and thinking on these things-thanks to all

[hippyhippy]

Thank you for this.
I am desperately trying to find meaning to why I am like I am. Every one of those points rings true for me with the exception of the lying. In fact I am painfully truthful, having major difficulty in telling lies.
Hippy

[Rachrob]

I saw that list, when reading the book thats already been mentioned about the struggle for Intimacy. Ive known for years and years that my Dad is an alcoholic and my Mum turns a blind eye, to the detriment of all those, including herself, around my Dad. My sister and I have talked aobut this - its affected us in different ways, but the core can be found in that list. Its absolutely wonderful to have poeple doing this kind of work and helping us realise that we are not inherently bad poeple, unworthy of love or validation, just that we got dealt a pretty rotten starting hand in terms of growing up in healthy families. But there are ways to make changes and ways to grow - this is perhaps the most uplifting, positive thing of all.

Naturally I'm still cynical, untrusting and deply suspicious at heart, and sometimes feel exasperated at these feelings and myself, but having something like this Forum and those books to go to and find some empathy and recognition is a deeply humbling and strengthening experience.

[stone]

WOW!

Thanks.

[shinjee]

Thank you for this.I wiill give it to my friends whose father is a
alcoholic

[mrsmurph]

Why do these characteristics fit me to a T, even though I haven't lived with my alcoholic father since I was 4, and had almost no contact since I was 13?

[SonOfNAlcoholic]

that just hit me like a tonne of bricks i am near enough everyone of those things and her i am trying to be quiet while my gf is asleep crying my eyes out...

[Kimmy13]

I am 41 and grew up with 2 out of control younger parents who were addicted to alcohol and drugs and yet christians-a very confusing world-divorced when I was 8 and shamed me into not telling anyone how things really were. I have 2 teenage children now and am married to an alcoholic-not surprising-and like someone here said they can't have fun with their kids, they are serious and get annoyed easily. And lying which I grew up being lied to and living a lie is something I can't tolerate. It took me years to be honest about how things really were and what really happened and I can't remember a lot of good but can't seem to forget the bad. I am calm about it all now but my 20's were all about figuring out how to live, not knowing how to fit in-begging for someone to tell me how to make a life for myself and how to have a relationship. I struggled as I watched the "normal" people around me have normal family lives and wish so bad that I could have that too. I didn't know anything about being married but got married and always felt it was temporary-not real. I always felt alike an outcast of society and ashamed of my situation and covered up for my parents so people wouldn't think bad of me. It is inate behavior to be cautious of how people perceive me and always trying to make myself look better and to fit in with "normal people". I am amazed by this list-something just made sense for the first time.

[Kimmy13]

I am 41 and grew up with 2 out of control younger parents who were addicted to alcohol and drugs and yet christians-a very confusing world-divorced when I was 8 and shamed me into not telling anyone how things really were. I have 2 teenage children now and am married to an alcoholic-not surprising-and like someone here said they can't have fun with their kids, they are serious and get annoyed easily. And lying which I grew up being lied to and living a lie is something I can't tolerate. It took me years to be honest about how things really were and what really happened and I can't remember a lot of good but can't seem to forget the bad. I am calm about it all now but my 20's were all about figuring out how to live, not knowing how to fit in-begging for someone to tell me how to make a life for myself and how to have a relationship. I struggled as I watched the "normal" people around me have normal family lives and wish so bad that I could have that too. I didn't know anything about being married but got married and always felt it was temporary-not real. I always felt alike an outcast of society and ashamed of my situation and covered up for my parents so people wouldn't think bad of me. It is inate behavior to be cautious of how people perceive me and always trying to make myself look better and to fit in with "normal people". I am amazed by this list-something just made sense for the first time.

[readytorecover]

Boy do I fit right in here. My dad probably should have taken out stock in Anheuser cuz he sure drank enough Busch beer. He gave my first glass when I was about 5 years old, mom says he thought it was funny when we staggered around.

Thanks mom for stopping him. Oh yeah, he would have beaten you. But then, he beat you for nothing. So what did you have to lose?

I AM the 13 characteristics listed. Fits to a tee.

Thanks for listening,
Shari