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Lilya · 07-31-2006, 08:05 AM

Sweet movie girl,

I´m so sorry you´re feeling sad. What can I do to help? Have you tried goal-setting? It works for me.

Here is how it goes:

I visualize a goal one year into the future. Then I break it down into small, maneagable steps. I write down what steps I need to take to achieve it in 6 months time, then one month, then the next four weeks.

The magic thing about this strategie is that your spirits automatically lifts, because it chases the negative thoughts accompanied by the depression away. The goal doesn´t have to be big. Just something that makes you feel good or something you have always wanted to do.

Here´s an example. I had a terrible row with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law. I had been taking care of his son when he was a baby (my brother was finishing med school and my sister-in-law had a bad baby blues). I had just gotten divorced, so I accepted to foster the baby. Needless to say, I grew to love the baby as he was my one and cared for him for two years. Then they moved away and took the boy with them. I could stay in contact for some time, but I could sense my sister-in-law was jealous, so they gradually let me see less and less of him. I got angry at them and stupidly told them so, and we didn´t speak for three years. This was particularly sad for me as my daughter was taken away from me because I had her when I was a 17 year old junkie. It was also very hard on the boy and it will take a long time to heal.

Anyway, I set the goal to mend the rift between me and my brother. This took actually more than a year, but this goal-setting helped me to plan without too much emotion and gradually we started to meet again. One of the steps was to act as the past didn´t exist and nothing had happened between us (my brother doesn´t want to talk openely about his feelings, so I didn´t have a choice). Then time worked it´s magic and now I can approach my beautiful nephew again.

I now have an 8 year old niece I raise as my own, so things are better, but one of the steps was to let them spend more time together so we could all be happier as a family.

I hope this helps. Remember, this will pass.

Love and light,

07-31-2006, 08:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
Lilya Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Northen Europe and France Posts: 1,658	Sweet movie girl, I´m so sorry you´re feeling sad. What can I do to help? Have you tried goal-setting? It works for me. Here is how it goes: I visualize a goal one year into the future. Then I break it down into small, maneagable steps. I write down what steps I need to take to achieve it in 6 months time, then one month, then the next four weeks. The magic thing about this strategie is that your spirits automatically lifts, because it chases the negative thoughts accompanied by the depression away. The goal doesn´t have to be big. Just something that makes you feel good or something you have always wanted to do. Here´s an example. I had a terrible row with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law. I had been taking care of his son when he was a baby (my brother was finishing med school and my sister-in-law had a bad baby blues). I had just gotten divorced, so I accepted to foster the baby. Needless to say, I grew to love the baby as he was my one and cared for him for two years. Then they moved away and took the boy with them. I could stay in contact for some time, but I could sense my sister-in-law was jealous, so they gradually let me see less and less of him. I got angry at them and stupidly told them so, and we didn´t speak for three years. This was particularly sad for me as my daughter was taken away from me because I had her when I was a 17 year old junkie. It was also very hard on the boy and it will take a long time to heal. Anyway, I set the goal to mend the rift between me and my brother. This took actually more than a year, but this goal-setting helped me to plan without too much emotion and gradually we started to meet again. One of the steps was to act as the past didn´t exist and nothing had happened between us (my brother doesn´t want to talk openely about his feelings, so I didn´t have a choice). Then time worked it´s magic and now I can approach my beautiful nephew again. I now have an 8 year old niece I raise as my own, so things are better, but one of the steps was to let them spend more time together so we could all be happier as a family. I hope this helps. Remember, this will pass. Love and light, __________________ Use adversity Declare Independance Lilya