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What I'm wondering is, is this normal
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I don't know if it is normal or not, but I struggle with those thoughts and urges almost daily. Usually it's just the thoughts "i hate being alive but not enough to kill myself today".
You sound alot like myself. I also am succesful (or at least I am told so for my age), work as a social worker (although I don't have the degree to go with it) and am great at helping others, but still have very negative feelings about myself (that I am never good enough, no matter how much good I may do in the world).
Most people would be totally shocked by the way I often feel and some of the things I do (self injury). It is hard for me to confide in anyone about how I feel because I don't want to "destroy" the image of what they have of me.
When the feelings get really really intense (like they did this last Friday), I find the best thing for me to do is 1) tell myself to wait untill tomorrow to do anything and 2) take my meds and go to bed early. I also started seeing a new counselor a few weeks ago and am still getting to know her before I know whether or not we "mesh" well.