[BeginAgain]

Please don't beat yourself up. I was clean almost 13 years when I relapsed. I felt the same way on the inside. That anger was part of the grieving process. Eventually I could look back and find the lessons that were intended to be learned from all of it. I'm still learning and growing. Sometimes - relapse is a part of recovery and can be a stepping stone to something better. Hang in there and give yourself some credit for all the hard work you have done in the past and all the hard work that lies ahead. Hang in there.