[debmar]

Hey Brad, your post on using ultram being better than the drug. The day my husband died, at straight up midnight I knew he was high. I asked him what he did, he said he snorted his zoloft given for his depression, I said what the hell did you do something so stupid for, he said I thought it was better than using the drug. He was very sick all night, I gave him a zyprexa to come down which is something he used as a green light to get high, he knew I'd give him that and he'd be fine again. Toward morning after the zyprexa he said see I'm all better now. We went to sleep that day, we work nights and that's the last time I saw him five minutes more of his life before I called 911. He substituted with vicodin snorting, cold pills when he did'nt have the ****. He still went back to the drug, it just keeps it going. You know the whole act, I would tell him if he snorted air and wanted to he'd get high. Remember the most important thing many users don't realize, say you do overdose, how about when the paramedics CAN'T SAVE YOU. This was my worst fear, if I ever had to call them, and it came true. I watched them NOT save my beautiful husband, who loved to live. I watched him die as I called 911 they let him go all the way to convulsing before they even got here and we're right around the corner from the paramedics. He convulsed so bad he bit right through his tongue, I seen when I viewed his turning blue body. He escaped concequences from cocaine snorting for years, ten years sober, relapse, and gone in one little year at 41. The lesson to learn from him is, you need to work a program and change your ways. Like you said you know you and you did'nt go on the trip, smart move. Keep that up. When my husband was using I'd get visions in my head, I seen cocaine driving behind the wheel of our car, and my husband tied up in ropes being dragged to his death as it speeds. Weird vision but I guess it did happen, that's well before he passed I envisioned that. I had another one where I seen a straw and cocaine was snorting him through it.